2003-11-16 @ 4:52 p.m.
the secret of body mics

I am WittyKitty, goddess of love this week. It has to be a combination of the Nude Art Guy, being manic and being able to suddenly express myself artistically with painting utensils.

I can't stop thinking about sex. And my little box of vibrating toys under the bed has been getting a workout too. So much so, that some batteries ran out on one of my devices.

Imagine my dismay, when I'm all lusty on the sheets, and clicked on little Mr. Happy only to get this incredibly ragged sputtering noise coming out of it. I mean it sounded like Orville Wright's Kittyhawk going down in a cornfield or something.

And do I have any batteries in the house? No-frickety-fruck-no. You should have seen me ripping through all my drawers. I looked like Jack Lemmon looking for the liquor bottle in "The Days of Wine and Roses"...except I'm naked.

OK, I live in a one level house. I have mini-blinds. I have a hankering to walk around nude sometimes. Sometimes I don't shut the mini-blinds. Yeah, I have a problem.

Sometimes its legitimate like Thursday when I was in the shower and realized I had left the shampoo at the kitchen sink. So I hopped out of the shower and ran to the kitchen, naked of course, grabbed the shampoo and then back to the shower.

Unfortunately, like I said, I don't always close the mini-blinds. Did I mention I live right up against a medical building with a row of windows facing my house? Heh heh! Okay, if you're gonna flash, why not have an audience...especially a bunch a dentists.

This, unfortunately, isn't a first offense for me. Several apartments ago I was changing my clothes in my bedroom and suddenly realized that the maintenance man was standing right outside the window repairing a drain pipe. This guy, who was a total lush, and had hit on me the first time I met him, was standing right there...gaping. I did jump out of view (I'm not that much of a perv), but I really kind of wondered about the timing of him playing with his pipe outside. I later told Married Guy about what had happened. He didn't say anything, but I could see the Irish blood pressure meter spiking a bit.

But hey, I grew up in California in the 60's. We used to go naked in our hot tub in the backyard. I was a little intimidated about stepping out of my robe outside, but boy did I like those intense water jets. I had my first orgasm thanks to the miracle of water pressure.

So what was I talking about? Oh, batteries. I was actually looking for a bag of batteries my friend in Manhattan had given me. He works in theatre and every show that is performed produces a huge bag of batteries. Why? Because each actor has a body mic and each body mic battery can only be used once and then thrown away, even though they are still perfectly good.

So sadly, I never found the bag only a single AA in my junk drawer. But boy did that ever give me a good time. I usually just sort of fake myself out with some light theatrical panting, but this was so awesome that the sounds emanating from me were 100% real.

So my shrink is really going to have his hands full this week. And fortunately, he's ultra cool on the subject of sex.

I'm still deciding whether I will bring in my Naked Art Guy sketches. I think they're really important, because of how they progressed from the beginning of the class to the end of the class. And they're also the reason I have been bouncing off the wall sexually.

Hey, I got a joke for you...Why are men smarter when they're having sex? Because they're plugged into a woman!

Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty