2003-12-01 @ 12:48 p.m.
|Anyone ever notice how much granola bars are like particle board? You know those compressed wood things. You probably have a TV stand or bookcase made out of them. But granola bars look and taste like them.
I had grabbed a box of them last week when I was at the food pantry. Nature Valley banana nut granola bars. Now don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have gotten the food, but biting into particle board that vaguely tastes like bananas is just plain weird.
But speaking of fruits, the patchouli/sweet orange foam bath last night was as good as any $250 spa stay as far as I'm concerned.
After washing my hair, I drew myself a hot bath and poured the foaming bath salts into the water. I really thought the patchouli would dominate, but my bath tub actually smelled like an orange grove after a mid-August thunderstorm. Mmmm. Did a little thigh massaging and other massaging. Mmmm. It was really, really nice.
I did hear the phone ring once, but I have caller ID. I figured it was probably my Mom since I hadn't heard from her since the night before in one of her melodramatic I'm dying calls.
She sorta falls into the Boy Who Cries Wolf category unfortunately. She has done that scenario so many times, I just don't believe her anymore. I lived with her for a few years when I was in my 30's and oy, was it stressful. She'd get chest pains if I didn't watch TV with her. She'd leave her last will and testament on the kitchen table if I didn't say goodnight to her. She needed a great deal of attention, which left virtually none for myself.
But it was my beloved shrink who literally extricated me out of the house...practically with the Jaws of Life. He had her come in for an appointment and told her point blank she was killing me by not letting me have a life. She was totally stunned. I moved out two weeks later. YAY!
But it turned out the phone call wasn't from her but from Married Guy. He was back from his trip from New York City, where he had gone for Turkey Day. I told him I was just getting out of the tub and he heroically offered to "cover his eyes".
Hon, you've seen about 90% of me naked anyways, so why bother?
So I finally talked to him about what zen-shrink did. I wanted to get some input from him, because he's really my only friend here on the East Coast and he has a very comforting and nonjudgmental shoulder to cry on. I also feel really safe with him.
He did a good job of listening and giving advice and kind of threw things back to me, saying I should do what I think is right (my...how shrink-like). He did say if I wanted to write out all my feelings and anger, he would be happy to read it. He also told me he loved me at the end of the conversation which was nice to hear. I really needed to hear that. Not because its him, but just because its somebody.
After I hung up I went on the internet and just for kicks I typed in the name of my zen-shrink and sexual abuse on Google. Well, guess what? I got quite a surprise. I guess we got ourselves a little repeat offender. My zen-shrink got fined $5000 and had his psychotherapy license temporarily suspended in 1996 for allowing a client to disrobe in his presence.
I just could not believe it when I read that. I was so fucking pissed. It was too late to call back Married Guy so I dropped him an e-mail and told him about what I had found.
So today I got back an e-mail. He wrote: "What an outrage. I think your idea of sending it (the printout of the offense) to him is probably a good one. But you might want to do more than that, since he is obviously a repeat offender.."
So I see my regular shrink tomorrow. I had been holding back telling him what happened, but I guess I can't any longer. I know there will be fireworks, but after seeing that the zen-shrink has been in trouble before, I am really angry. I would never knowingly put myself in the hands of someone who can't be trusted. I'm trying to recover from shit like this, not make NEW MEMORIES.
So I'm trying to think of a positive note to end this entry on. Well, my cat Guardcat had her Advantage treatment on Friday and I do believe all her little flea friends have now either died or are writing out their last wills and testaments as we speak. That's good!
Oh and also in less than two weeks I will be house sitting at a friend's house for a whole month and I needed to be flea free since she has a dog I will be taking care of. And Miss Kitty will be with me.
I have mixed feelings about the house sitting gig. Most of them are good. Like 95% of them. I'll miss my piano and living in my own "space" but I will also be trading up for a huge 4 story house near a major university. I will have cable TV, a DVD player, a blazing fast internet connection with an ultra cool mega-computer, a CD burner, digital camera, a washer and dryer, various cool magazine subscriptions and newspapers, books, several big screened TVs, the house is two blocks from a major university library, a space big enough for a Christmas tree (Married Guy has already promised to help me chop down a tree when they get theirs).
I also will save money on my utilities at home by not being there and I will also make $300 for my services, which is like a King's Ransom for me. Other than missing my piano, I can't really see much of a downside. And I can still come home and visit my teeny-weeny house, play some Gershwin and check my mail.
Also, this other place is three blocks from Married Guy's massage business. How convenient!
So yeah, I just wanted to end this on a positive note, since the sun just came out on a snowy day and it seemed the right thing to do. Happy Monday!
Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty