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2003-12-02 @ 6:16 p.m.
qualifying for the toe sucking olympics

The only hard part about winter is that you have more clothes to take off before you're naked.

This morning, after hearing 18 hours of weather alerts for 7-14" of snow headed our way, I had made plans to take the bus to my shrink. I used to live 1.2 miles from him, but in my last move, I moved up to the North side of town, up with all the Eye-talians. Unfortunately there are no direct buses from here to there, just one two bus connection for a mere 6 mile trip. So I figured I'd be standing out in a blinding snow storm with 8 degree wind chills this morning. Oh goodie!

So I dressed accordingly. Undergarments first. Two pairs of socks. The ultra-sexy ribbed long johns. Yeah they hug my ass like a surgical glove. And once I pull them on, I usually want to pull them off because I get so damn turned on.

Yeah, I know all you guys down in Florida are wishing you had a pair and wished you looked as freakin' hot as me.

OK, they're really from Sears and look like stretched out granny panties, but I still like how they feel. Nice and warm and crispy.

Unfortunately I couldn't find matching mittens, so I wore a purple one with pink embroidery and a tan wool one with a blue stripe. Hey, I'm an eccentric artist. I can do stuff like this.

And lastly, my Bass Outlet boots. If I could propose marriage to a pair of shoes, these would be them. I love these boots. They sort of look like something from a lesbian hoe-down, but they are so warm and comfy. The soles have almost completely worn off, since this is the fifth winter I've worn them, but I still love them.

Once I got outside, I happily realized that the weather was decent after all, so I was just able to drive to my shrinks without the multiple bus connection thing. Yay!

After much consternation, some drugs and extreme nervousness, I finally told "A" about the Zen Nut episode this morning. In hind sight I don't really know what I was so nervous about. I guess I got caught up in the rejection thing. He'll reject me, because I caused this somehow. But he was incredibly thoughtful and caring in his response. He offered to call Zen Nuts, but I said no. I am still anxious about writing him my final note telling him I'm not coming back and why. But I keep putting it off, because I'm terrified of the repercussions...like him calling me and telling me I'm loony and that he wasn't doing no such thing, etc.

I also have this unfounded fear that he'll show up at my doorstep for some reason. I suffer from paranoia, and my old brain cells are working overtime on that one. But "A" said I could refer calls to him, which I might possibly do.

So I was pretty much laying curled up over the edge of the couch, when "A", in an effort to cheer me up, got up, lifted my arm up and down several times and said, "Now we're doing exercises here too." And I said, "Yeah, pilates...(to myself: for retards)" But it did make me laugh and "A" is known for healing with humor.

So I was glad he wasn't angry but he did ask me why I hadn't called or e-mailed him earlier. Didn't really have an answer for that other than equisite fear.

This afternoon I went with my mom and her friend to see my cousin in the hospital. She is dying from brain cancer. It was difficult to see a formerly vibrant, fun-loving woman, who is only around 53, sitting in a chair, talking like a 4 year old. She had beat brain cancer 4 years ago, but it came back unfortunately and she probably won't make it through Christmas. And her daughter is having her first baby in February. I gave her a Christmas card today. Wasn't sure if that was in bad taste...giving it to her early. But it had a really cute kitten and puppy on the front of it. She really misses her cats from being in the hospital so much. Thought she might like it.

Afterwards my mom, her friend and I went out for Italian food at a restaurant that has a trolley car in the middle of it (we had to sit in it naturally) and the food was really good. And anytime you can get through an hour at a restaurant without my mom complaining, you've really got something there.

Since getting home, I've been peeling off various layers of clothes. I'm now down to just my black turtle neck sweater and my white ribbed long johns, and look pretty damn cute.

I had my Village Voice e-magazine waiting for me online, and I always like to read the sex column by Dan Savage. I like it because its both funny and sexy. There was, of course, registration forms for the 5th Annual Masturbate-a-thon. Hmmm. Wonder if I have time for some intensive training....

But I particularly liked an article entitled "Sole-full Sex: How to Worship a Woman's Feet". It was all about all the lovely things you can do with toes. heh, heh.

I really like having my feet massaged by Married Guy (or anybody for that matter), but he never does it long enough as far as I'm concerned. And its funny, how he has yet to suck on any of my toes, which, I've decided is now officially on my new Christmas wish list.

1) Winning lottery ticket

2) Some new, ultra-sexy long johns with easy access panels.

3) Extended period of passionate toe sucking.

Hey, its a short list, but if I could just get one thing on the list, I'd be one happy camper!

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