2003-12-15 @ 8:44 p.m.
|What's up Mother Nature? You PMSing or something? This 19.3 inches of snow really sucks. Can't you go homicidal on someone else? Like Mexico or something?
This morning I had taken like some really hilarious digital pictures of myself digging the car out of this snow formation that was reminiscent of the ice burg that sank the Titanic.
I had all these great lines like...Dude, where's my Chevy? But sir, why would they WANT to repossess a car with 130,000 miles on it? Oh wait, there's the antenna sticking out of the snow...
I was even going to point the camera at my thighs buried deep in the snow and tell you I was shoveling topless. Heh, heh.
But alas, techno-ditz brain here, only managed to capture 3 images. One of them was my coat pocket. One of them so out of focus, it could have been Pamela Anderson's vagina and even Tommy Lee wouldn't have been able to identify it. And one was of the snow on the back deck railing, which wasn't very funny.
Needless to say, I am starting to go a little stir crazy at Casa de'la Mansion. I mean I've got the cable TV, which is cool. And I've got the Halloween candy. Although I think I've already gained 3 pounds since I've been here.
But its weird being in some one else's house. I'm not a nosy person, but you have to eventually look in the drawers and cabinets. I mean, I haven't gone anywhere else and have no desire to, but I've definitely checked out their kitchen cabinets. Talk about well stocked! They have every spice known to mankind. And they have some really great cookware too. I've been using this really gorgeous wok that probably costs at least $75.
I've actually been using it for everything and I think I've been channeling Emeril for some reason.
Like yesterday, for instance, I was stir frying some beef and in a move that might be considered a little theatrical I suddenly slammed in some cut up scallions. BAM! Peppercorns. BAM! Minced garlic cloves. BAM!
And then in the middle of all the excitement, I got distracted, like bipolars do, and wandered two rooms away to watch the weather.
Uh oh...Incoming Nor'Easter. Lots of snow. Blah weather weather blah blah. I definitely had to sit down for this. And next there was this commercial I hate, so I switched channels to the "E" Entertainment Network. Oh Michael Jackson news. Gotta watch this. Um, not really...but, well kinda..
And then out of the corner of my eye I see this thin curl of smoke rising out of the door from two rooms away. Fruck!
So I made a mad dash for the kitchen where everything in the wok was burning, and all I could think was BAM....fire extinguisher!
But this place is very austere. It does, after all, belong to a pastor, and there are hundreds and hundreds of religious books about culturalism, fundamentalism, colonialism, hinduism, orientalism, shamanism, porky pigism...ha ha ha, I just threw that one in.
The wife has mainly magazines about hiking and mooses. The daughter is a ballet dancer and has ballet magazines.
And so what do I get to read? I mean I've already leafed through the moose magazine which included a picture of a moose at an Avis Rent-a-Car place with the caption which suggested the moose may need a car with "extra head room"...ha ha ha...moose humor.
But I finally found a stash of books up in the youngest daughter's room. Lord of the Ring...The Hobbit. Maybe if I'm really bored I can crack one of them open.
So once I dug out this morning, I put in a call to Married Guy's for a massage appointment. He will soon be deep into his big money making season (i.e., gift certificates for Christmas gifts) and won't have time for appointments, so I made an appointment for tonight for 6. But at 1:35 he calls and says, can you be here by 2?
Ya know, you just can't call a girl and ask her if she can be ready in 25 minutes including travel time the day after a blizzard. But I said yes of course.
Things went flying though. I had to change clothes, put on some make up, so as not to scare people on the street, brush my hair, spritz on some raspberry scent, let the dog out to pee, drive there, get told I couldn't park in the lot right behind the building because of the snow and then hunt down another parking spot on the street. The snow was so deep, that only the tops of the meters were visible. So I had to climb up the freakin' Matterhorn just to deposit quarters.
I was my usual frazzled self when I got there, but Married Guy was running late as usual. Not really. He was just eating his lunch.
Me: slow burn.
But the massage was nice. I had put my hair up in a ponytail on top of my head and he said I looked like Bam Bam from "The Flintstones".
Umm. Ok. I can be Bam Bam, if you want me to be. Who are you, Dino?
He mainly worked on my legs, which were hurting from all the recent stair climbing, and also my neck and lower back which had gotten injured this morning, when I was hoisting 80 pound snow boulders off my car.
I used my gift card he had given to me last week at the party. Afterwards I gave him a peck on the cheek when I was leaving. I'm just getting so bold in my old age. If only I could transfer all this va va voom to someone who is available.
Well there is always my shrink to set me straight tomorrow. We haven't had a Get Rid of Married Guy conversation in at least two weeks.
Finally...something to look forward to.
Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty