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2004-01-25 @ 9:00 p.m.
getting into my drawers

Anyone ever look in their junk drawer and go "Snrfph"?!? As in what the hell is all this crap and why is it taking up so much space in my drawers?

I actually did that last night and it was like going on an archeological dig. I've had this desk since high school and when I stuck my hand dead center and parted all the crap I found my high school library card. I graduated from high school 28 years ago this June. Imagine. I wonder if I still have any books out?

But I could not believe all the goodies I found in there. Drugs, pens, Pez dispensers, a coin purse from Harrah's casino, some rosary beads from South America, an ivory elephant from Africa, a Bakelite door handle, glitter, slides, a Jew's Harp (if a country western jug band passes through town, I'm ready), Girl Scout patches, several pairs of scissors, dead watches, toys, staples, screws, some ticket stubs from the play "I Love My Wife" with the Smothers Brothers (a theatrical masterpiece for sure), the single earring graveyard (my cat will play with my earrings and inevitably lose one of them), movie trading cards from BATMAN and SNOW WHITE, screws, theatre pins, flower seeds, a package of Nutrasweet, business cards, bottles of ink, exacto knives, dental floss, gumball machine wedding rings, bookmarks, stencils, 4 staple removers, strips of photo booth photos, a relaxation tape, erasers, Silly Putty, bath salts, Celtic buttons, locks without keys, batteries, magnifying glasses, tacks, matches, plastic firemen (just in case), camera lens tissues, a 25 year old condom package, a strip of paper with a phone number on it (sorry sweetie, guess we didn't need the condoms), several ring cases, a dead cell phone, expired coupons from 1993, a silver bookmark from "AIDA", Harvey Fierstein's autograph, computer disks and the aforementioned library card.

So you get the idea.

Do I need all this crap? Probably not. But it is part of what makes me me.

Especially the Silly Putty.

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