2004-02-17 @ 12:59 p.m.
|I seem to notice I have a meltdown about every two weeks here on diaryland. If you want to divert your eyes and skips those entries be my guest.
That entry, by the way, was yesterday. I'm a little better today.
One of my main problems right now is winter, and the fact that I stopped taking my medication about two weeks ago.
Bipolars, every once in a while think they can stop their meds, because they are, after all, Super Heroes! Yee, haw! But they are, in fact, merely delicate humans with rollercoaster emotions who think that when they are on an upswing that they can handle anything.
Wrong. They actually can't handle much of anything. Except crawling under the covers and crying bitterly as their lives crumble around them.
And that is pretty much what has been happening. Yesterday my shrink called to remind me that he wasn't going to be there for this week's appointment. It's winter break for his kids, so he was taking the week off. Couldn't think of worst news. Tried to be brave, but I know I sounded miserable. I was actually laying naked in my bed. Midafternoon. Not that he hasn't seen me naked. Not physically, but emotionally. What a brave soul.
I actually started taking my medication again yesterday. Have been in bed most of the time since yesterday. My mom has called several times. I mainly grunt and moan quietly in answer to what few questions she actually comes up with.
I had asked to borrow her car to get to my shrink's today. And she had to back out of a commitment to work in her senior gift shop for one hour. And then he canceled. And then I called and told her I didn't need the car and she took it very hard. I CANCELED THE GIFT SHOP! I LIED TO THEM. I TOLD THEM I WAS GOING TO THE DOCTORS!!!!!
Well, ya know, I didn't ask you to lie to them. I only asked to borrow the car for two hours. I had also planned to go up to Married Guy's house for piano lessons with kidlet.
I am getting a really bad case of cabin-fever though. This morning my mom called about 10:30, waking me up (I just don't feel like waking up) and said she might come over and take me out to lunch if she felt like it. I said not to bother, but she just left it up in the air, like...well, I still might, even if you don't want me to. After she hung up, I just crawled back under the covers and about 15 minutes later Married Guy called and asked if I was coming up for kidlet's piano lesson today.
I said no, but instead of accepting my depression-witty-less me, he started taking charge of the situation. Asking me about my car, and what I was going to do about it. And asking me specific questions. Like how much money I had to fix it. And who I had talked to about it. And that he had someone who could look at it for me. And then he told me everyone's schedule. And asked me what I was doing. And told me I had to get out of the house. And told me I had to go take a walk. And asked me about my whiplash. And asked me the level of pain. And asked me if I would be able to make my appointment on Friday OK.
I felt really taken care of for the first time in a week.
And since our conversation I have finally gotten out of bed and am considering getting on the bus and going down to the store and bank. I guess I just needed someone to speak to me in a caring manner. So I hope my medication starts working soon. I have to get out of this funk.
Oh, I was reading something rather interesting today in WEB MD. It said that you burn around 212 calories while you're having sex, or the same amount of calories you burn when you walk 2 miles. Well, over the summer I was walking about 15 miles a week, so in essence, it was like I was having sex 7 times a week. Whee!
Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty