2004-03-28 @ 11:03 p.m.
|I'm bored. I don't have cable TV. I've sniffed too many fixatives today, so I've decided, if my ass doesn't get too sore, that I will be creating one of those famous Diaryland 100 things about me lists. Aren't you excited?
WOW! YAY! And what could be more exciting for a self centered bipolar with exhibitionistic tendencies, right "A"?
Ok, so here goes...the story of awittykitty, in 100 mini-chapters.
1. I was born in Florida at Jackson Memorial Hospital. I was due on Valentine's Day, but I arrived two days early.
2. For my entire life, I have always gotten heart shaped birthday cakes because of the close proximity of my birthday to Valentine's Day. Coincidence? I think not.
3. I grew up with many exotic animals around the house including coatimundis, macaws, spider monkey, clown monkey, alligators, snakes. Along with the usual cats, dogs, rabbits, salamanders, lizards, frogs, hamsters, fish, turtles.
4. I met Ed Sullivan when I was 5 and had my picture taken with him. It was just after the Beatles had appeared on his show and he said, "Well kid, how does it feel to shake the hand, that just shook the hand of the Beatles?" I was like, gah...you're kinda scary looking dude.
5. My mom worked at a fancy country club in Florida where I also met Bob Hope, Jackie Gleason, Dean Martin.
6. I was raped when I was around 5 or 6, by someone who was renting a room in our house.
7. My Dad was an airline pilot and would sometimes be gone as long as 3 months to such places as Africa.
8. My Dad once landed a plane on its belly when the wheels didn't come down and saved the lives of everyone on board.
9. I went to Catholic School from grades kindergarten through 8th grade.
10. I started piano lessons when I was in first grade with Mrs. Gott. She was a wonderfully brassy blonde who played a trumpet in an all girls band.
11. In fourth grade I was chosen to model clothes for a modeling show. The best part was that I got to skip school and go try on clothes. The worst part was having to walk down the ramp in front of everyone. Yeep!
12. My first crush on a boy was when I visited my cousins in New York. He picked me for his softball team, and I thought we would soon be picking out china patterns. I was 8.
13. I drew pictures constantly as a kid. What did a draw? I was obsessed with drawing large families. And I'd name them The Red Family and then draw them in red, with like 12 kids.
14. Even though I had siblings, they were considerably older than me, and I didn't grow up with them, so I considered myself an only child. I was my Dad's only child.
15. I loved to play Barbies. I had a lot of them, and I used to beg my mom to buy new Barbie clothes anytime we got within 5 miles of a store.
16. In 1968 we moved from Florida to California, and drove across the country. That was quite an adventure. It took two freakin' days to get through Texas. What's up with that?
17. Of everything I saw on our cross country journey, I was most impressed with Las Vegas. I guess I saw its 1968 kitschiness for what it was. Kitschiness on a grand scale!
18. My Dad lost his job we moved to California for, right after we arrived. He was unemployed for about 5-6 months.
19. My Dad used to chop X's in trees when we hiked so we wouldn't get lost.
20. I got beat on the head by a sadistic nun in 5th grade. It thwarted my ability to ever speak in public again.
21. I was always afraid of Santa Claus for some reason.
22. Saw my first nude beach at Stinson Beach. My Dad and I came up over some rocks and suddenly, cowabunga, 150 people playing nude volleyball! Woohoo!
23. Our neighbor died and I somehow convinced myself that she levitated in front of my window the night of her death. I was 10.
24. Got busted for smoking and drinking when I was supposed to be at a play rehearsal in 7th grade. Ha, ha. I wasn't doing either, but I was hanging out with the BAD kids. :-)
25. Got kicked off "Fiddler on the Roof" for said evil doing. Oh hell, I didn't even have a role anyways, so what the dif?
26. Moved to the Wine Country for my high school years.
28. Whoops, did I mention, that I had been segregated from boys most of my Catholic School years?
29. I accidently realized that my mom was cheating on my Dad with a local building contractor guy when I saw him leaving her bedroom early one morning. I used to take the mileage on her car and than asked her what she did that day. She'd say nothing, and I'd know that she had driven 57 miles with her boyfriend.
30. My parents split up, and she married the contractor.
31. I discover the healing qualities of marijuana brownies.
31. I was the music director for all the choral groups in high school, as well as all the theatrical productions.
32. Ha, ha....I just realized I have two #31s up above. Must have had a marijuana brownie flashbacks.
33. I won best feature writer in our school newspaper.
34. I also won awards for my art skills from an art teacher who couldn't stand me. She even kicked me off the Yearbook staff. Thanks Wanda! That was big of you!
35. Appeared on the Merv Griffin Show in my junior year, when my Dad and I went down to L.A. during my Easter vacation.
37. Yeah, I was finally getting to know the opposite sex. And they were certainly noticing me. I just was never very good at picking ones who weren't gay.
38. Had my own weekly newspaper column one week out of high school. I wrote about film and ....SURPRISE...humor! Have only had one story ever rejected of everything I've ever submitted. Pretty good record I'd say.
39. Onto college where I wanted to major in art, but my Dad said he would pull the plug financially, so I switched majors to journalism. He still wasn't pleased because he thought it seemed "flakey". My Dad wanted me to be a dental hygienist.
39. Won a contest in the San Francisco Examiner called The Pie in the Sky, where you could act our your favorite fantasy (well, within reason). Mine was to be in a movie, so they were filming a Paramount comedy in Marin County called "The Serial" with Martin Mull and Bill Macy and Sally Kellerman, and I got to be in it. We rode around on a ferry boat in San Francisco Bay for about 12 hours and I got the worst sunburn of my life. I was also featured in an article in the newspaper. Whee, my 15 minutes of fame...well sorta.
40. More movies for my resume: A Disney film called "The Healers", "Heroes" with Henry Winkler (who was at the peak of his Fonz fame), Sally Field and Harrison Ford (who wasn't famous yet, since "Star Wars" was still in the making). Also a remake of the Hitchcock classic "Shadow of a Doubt" with Mark Harmon and the best one of all, "Sister Act" with Whoopi Goldberg. I'm in the final church scene where the nuns are whooping it up for the pope.
41. Are you tired yet? My ass is getting really sore.
41 1/2. I was a movie usherette at a drive-in. Impressed? I bet.
42. I also watched "Peggy Sue Got Married" being filmed, and got to see Nicholas Cage, Kathleen Turner and Francis Ford Coppola up close and personal.
43. I once waited on Robin Williams when I worked at Macys. I actually have quite a history with good old Robin. I've had my picture taken with him twice and have seen him in concert about 5-6 times, and he's actually included me in his act once. He grabbed my camera and did five minutes with it.
44. I love semi-sweet chocolate.
45. I've never stolen anything other than glances at other people's husbands.
46. I'm too afraid to do anything illegal.
47. I love garage sales and have enough Fiestaware to open an antique store.
48. I'm 46 and still can't do my checkbook.
49. I've only been in one serious car accident in my life. I totaled my car when I was 19 and sheered off the engine block.
50. Everytime I've ever been injured its always been wounds to the head....does that explain anything? I've had stitches in my head three times.
51. I lost my voice for 8 years. I couldn't talk above more than a whisper through most of my thirties. I feel that it was related to the recovered memory of my childhood rape.
52. You can take a potty break if you want. I just did. My Dad was married three times, my mom was married four times. I've never been married, except for that quickie Johnny Depp thing in '97.
53. Did I mention I'm delusional?
54. Sarcasm is my friend and protector.
55. I have 4 siblings, 2 girls, 2 boys.
56. I yearn to have a family SO MUCH. I, rather unwisely, live vicariously through Married Guy's family.
57. Things that make me laugh: Pee Wee Herman. When cool people get tripped up. British humor. Austin Powers. Sarcasm. Early Woody Allen. When my cat freaks out for no apparent reason.
58. I've had some of my photography hanging in a museum. That's actually, probably where my talent really lies, rather than my silly drawings.
59. I've published over 275 newspaper articles.
60. I've published about 25 photos, including one in a national magazine.
61. I've won numerous photography contests.
62. I've only had one fiction piece published. "The Seduction of Abie Weinblatt". It was about my first kiss with my Jewish boyfriend. Abie wasn't his name however.
63. My grandmother was a published poet.
64. My grandfather used to carve ice sculptures for fancy hotels in the Adirondacks.
65. My mom can balance spoons on her nose.
66. My kindergarten teacher was named Mrs. Hickey and she used to pull baby teeth if any needed pulling.
67. I used to play "Zorro" when I was little, running around making a slashing "Z" noise.
68. I fantasize about posing nude for my art class all the time.
69. Other than the mental hospital, I've only been in the hospital once. It was to get my tonsils out when I was six.
70. I'm constantly getting crushes on the wrong people.
71. I can sight read piano music.
72. I wish I could sing better.
73. I would give anything to go to the Museum of Modern Art down in New York City.
74. I want a new car. Not just a car, but a new one, with a CD player and a little voice that tells me to turn left at the next intersection.
75. I can pick up snakes, salamanders, toads, sea urchins, all sorts of slimy things, but get those fucking spiders away from me!
76. "Rescue Me" by Fontella Bass is my theme song.
77. If I couldn't write, I would die.
78. My Dad ordered a Filipino mail order bride out of a book. What do you think the return policy is on those?
79. I look so much like my Dad its frightening sometimes. My hands are exactly like his. And I rarely wear my glasses because than I'm an exact replica of him, and its still hard to look at.
80. I've written 3 scripts. One for "Moonlighting", one for that Steven Spielberg series "Amazing Stories" and a movie script. Now don't get all excited. They didn't sell, but I did write them. I had slight interest in the "Moonlighting" one, but no cigar.
81. I wrote a kid's book for my shrink's kid. I really should try to sell it for real. It's a really cute idea. Ya mind, "A"?
82. I get along better with men than women.
83. I wish I thought I was as cute as people say I am.
84. I was I was as loquacious in person as I am in print.
85. I was originally supposed to be named Bridget after Bridget Bardoe, the French sex symbol, but there was a snafu at the records office and "Witty" was typed instead of Bridget.
86. I don't eat salad.
87. The scariest movie ever made as far as I'm concerned is "The Shining".
88. I love walking through the woods and hearing only the birds. It's a very religious experience for me.
89. My parents tell me, as a baby I used to always run INTO the ocean and they constantly had to watch me.
90. First orgasm (well, you knew that had to be in here somewhere) In the bathtub, under the faucet. Oh baby that water pressure was awesome!
91. Best physical feature: My hair, and man, just in the last couple of weeks, everyone is commenting on it. I must be doing something right. :-)
92. Best Friends: East Coast: "G" in Manhattan, and that dirty rotten Married Guy, even though he's being a snot right now. West Coast: Alicia and "S". Love you guys! Oh, and I'd like to add "A", my most kind shrink to my list of friends. He truly is mine. Thanks for everything "A"!
93. Anyone want to send out for pizza?
94. Things that are always in my refrigerator: yogurt and diet coke.
95. My favorite saying, which is hanging over my desk: "I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure."
96. I sleep with a teddy bear. Gotta have him, otherwise I can't sleep. His name is Bear Bear.
97. Ambien is my friend.
98. I hope I can find someone to love me.
99. Women who pee on toilet seats...immediate deportation!
100. I think I may be eligible for Medicare now...Oh wait, I already get it.
Thanks for hanging in for this monumental ego-stroking. You are most kind, gentle readers.
Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty