2004-05-27 @ 10:58 p.m.
|You know, I can count the number of times I've been handed flowers by a guy on one hand. Once by Married Guy. Once by a gay friend in San Francisco. And tonight...by this guy...
...while he was naked.
HA! I bet you can't say you've been handed flowers by a naked guy, can you?
Only in wittykittyland, let me tell you.
Tonight was my figure drawing class. Had had a crappy day. Went to the crazy crazy place earlier and had been totally uninspired. People there were making barking noises. I had tried painting something, but it turned out like shit. And to make matters worse I had carried it home on the bus and it got all smeared.
And I was about ready to hang it up for the day, but I thought, hey, my class for the night is paid for, so buck up girlfriend, there's going to be nude people there.
The class was small tonight...maybe about 10 people. And I instantly knew who the nudie would be, when I saw this guy pacing in the corner.
A GUY! Second guy in three weeks! That has to be some kind of record. We usually only get male models maybe once every 6 weeks or so.
But this guy was oh so different from the frat boy two weeks ago. Oh yes. This was frat boy's grandfather. Eccck! This guy was at least 55 years old, white hair, grizzled face, trim body, but 55! (I'm 46, but still!)
And what is it with male models? They are so much more theatrical then the women. Much more theatrical.
The first pose by gramps? Freakin' hell...it was a reenactment of one of those torture pictures out of that Iraqi prison for God sakes. The guy put a black sack on his head, ties a white cord around his neck and stretches out his arms, like that picture that has been circulating in the media from Abu Ghraib. Fuck!
This was for a minute pose, and then he did a second torture position. Whee, isn't this fun? But where are the shackles?
He finally took the black thing off his head and then did quite a few dramatic poses. And the love stick? Well, for an old guy, it was fairly impressive, and he knew it, and was obviously proud of it, by the way he was posing.
And then for the 10 minute pose, I was suddenly very aware that the guy was looking down at me. And I felt really self conscious.
I can't exactly remember what pose he was doing. Maybe something like that pose Leonardo and the British chick did off the front of the Titanic....you know, with the chest and all the forward facing body parts thrusting outwards into the oncoming breeze.
But I could just feel him watching me. Meh. Why are you watching me old dude? Ok, I was wearing a low cut tank top, and the girls were peaking over the top just slightly. They're not big, but they are kinda cute. Naaaa, he was probably just watching me draw HIM. Because on that particular drawing, I drew his penis, in quite a spectacular manner. Even without his reading glasses, gramps could probably still see it from about 15 feet away. Perhaps even from the bottom of the stairs of the community center.
I am such a generous artist.
And then as soon as the pose was over, he jumped off the stage and came running over and ohh'd and aww'd over my drawing. He said, "That's really colorful". I'm just glad he didn't say it was accurate, because I might have had to correct him and tell him that I like to exaggerate when I draw.
Plus I was sitting at a low table, eye level with the love stick as he was oogling my artwork, and I was like all right, yeah, thanks, um, yeah, ok. heh, heh. Bye now.
We had another 1/2 hour pose and then at break, when models usually pull on a robe, because that's the decent thing to do, gramps decided to go au-natural for the entire break. He just walked around buck naked. Yup.
So we're all over at the break table where there are cookies and carrots, and Tortilla chips with various dips laid out for us to eat. I always go for the cookies, since I'm a sucker for Chips Ahoy.
And I guess you can probably guess what height the table was. Lets just say it was about the height of gramp's and his very evident lovestick. So he was eating Tortilla chips, ya see. Kinda scooping up dip on the chips...leaning over the table, dusting things off...so to speak and I'm standing there, just kind of going....UMMM...do you mind? We're eating here.
And he's like, Oh look, no hands!
Ok, he didn't say or do that, but a little decorum would have been nice. But he was certainly a social butterfly. He walked around the entire room naked, looking at everyone's artwork and chatting with everyone. I was nervous about going into our unisex bathroom, because who knows if gramps might be primping or whatever. Plus the light in there was glowing at half power for some reason, and I didn't want to tempt fate.
The second half poses were almost as strange. No more torture poses fortunately. He did take out three large pieces of flat Styrofoam, like something you would find in computer boxes. He had cut holes in the middle of them. At first I thought, God I hope you don't stick your dick through that damn thing. But he didn't. He just stuck his leg through one, put his arm through another one, and stuck the third one on his head. It was kinda like DEVO! Ok, that was kinda interesting and challenging to draw.
The final pose was pretty straight forward. I did take time to look at his penis. Hey, gotta take the opportunities when they present themselves. This guy had no tan lines, so I pretty much think, this nudity thing might be an every day event at grandpa nudie's house.
Afterwards he jumped off the stage once again, and came right towards me (Yeeks! Am I updated on my rabies booster?) and handed me this beautiful Iris he had posed with earlier. And again he complimented my work.
And then the nude roaming continued. He walked around and looked at everyone's work. An older hippie woman, who comes every week, had asked him for some advice (evidently he's a lawyer...doesn't that just figure? A lawyer who's an exhibitionist?) and the last time I looked at him, he had one foot up on a chair, with a note pad in his hand, with the family jewels swinging freely, talking to her. Arggghhh! How absolutely, freakin' weird is that? A nude consult?
I used to think I might be an exhibitionist, but this guy, totally put me to shame. I mean, he gave a whole new meaning to dipping your chip in the dip.
Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty