2004-05-31 @ 8:37 p.m.
|Its always difficult coming home to my little tiny rental, after spending time in Married Guy's big, spacious country manor. His house is actually my dream house. A big old spacious country house with wide plank floors, built-in bookcases, French doors leading out to a deck surrounded by huge trees with a year round creek meandering along the edge of a beautiful garden area. Wifie even has her own art studio.
And the location is breathtaking. Lush green meadows populated with tittering finches and swallows. Picturesque barns dotting the hillside. Tractors rumbling along the country lane. A Hollywood set designer couldn't design it any better. Its so damn pretty, I just want to live there forever.
Unfortunately, I can't. Married Guy is married. To someone else. And I'm just the house sitter. And I have to come home to my little eye sore. A $500/mo. house with the cheapest possible grade carpeting and no closet space.
Nice going wittykitty!
I tried to enjoy Married Guy's house while I was out there. And I did. I fit into the house really well. I actually think I belong there. And strangely enough, when I'm there I don't feel like I'm at someone else's house.
Now before you think I'm some kind of stalker in a movie-of-the-week, I guess its mainly longing on my part. I want a better house and a better life.
Now, when I house-sat for a friend in December for a month, I never once felt like THAT house was my house. I was always aware that I was at someone else's house. But at Married Guy's house...well, it just feels right. Is that wrong? Is it weird? Or is it just a tribute to the comfortable nature of his house? I guess a little of both.
I guess a lot also has to do with the fact that I grew up in houses like his. I grew up in a house out in the country in Sonoma County California. My house was surrounded by apple orchards and woods. It wasn't quite as lush and comfortable as his. Although if it had been decorated by me, it would have been.
We lived in an old single level ranch on top of a hill. It was surrounded by gardens. We had rose bushes, flowers, grapes, rhodedendrum, vegetable gardens, hazelnut trees, a fig tree, the aforementioned apple orchards, several huge spruce trees, and one hill over was a large stand of redwood trees.
I loved it.
Inside our house was sheer hell, but outside was beautiful. And I spent a lot of times outdoors. I walked constantly. I even walked in our apple orchards at night.
So I guess Married Guy's house reminds me a lot of the good part of my childhood. And I would like to recreate that somehow. And I don't want to be stuck in a crappy rental unit next to a medical building the rest of my life.
Is that wrong?
It makes me really depressed to even think about it, because it seems like that's where everything is heading right now.
And I think part of the allure of Married Guy, is not necessarily Married Guy himself, but his life style. The nice country house. The mini-van. The summer vacations to the mountains. The skiing. All that stuff seems so unreachable and that too is depressing, because I used to have that. And I liked it. And I guess I might have even taken it for granted in those days. But hey, what did I know, I was a rich kid.
I guess what I'm saying, is be happy with what you've got, because when you lose it, you'll really notice the difference.
Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty