|I actually did have a fine time my last day at Married Guy's yesterday. It was still beautiful out. Took Woof-Woof for another long walk. That is one stubborn, single minded big dog though.
On Friday night when Married Guy and wifie had left, Woof-Woof had taken up residence in the back seat of wifie's SUV. I thought fine. It just means I don't have to hook him up to a leash. He can sleep for a little while, so I went inside. And then I finally decided it was time for the dog to come in.
But could I get the dog out of the SUV? I opened all the doors and I was like... "Here puppy! Here puppy!" And he just looks at me, like be gone woman. I then slapped my leg, like that was really going to work...."Here puuuuppy, cute puppy! What a Cuuuuuute puppy!"
At this point he put his head back down and went to sleep. I then decided to try the technique I have seen Married Guy employ with the dog...its called:
(as in windows rattling, in the twelve surrounding counties, at the sheer volume of his voice)
But the dog wouldn't budge. And I was getting frustrated. It was getting dark. So I than started to climb in the car to possibly pull him out by the collar. I figured, hey, I outweigh him by at least 15 pounds, I can do this. But as soon as I put my hand up near his head to grab his collar, his head snaps up, he bears his teeth, all 53 of them, and he starts snarling like a rabid raccoon.
EEK! Well, that didn't work. So I decided to go back in the house and cook dinner, since OPERATION DOG-OUT-OF-SUV wasn't going all that well. I then came back out with a hamburger in my hand. I'm smarter than I look. I had eaten most of it, since it was MY dinner, but I did sort of wave it outside the window of the SUV. Heh, heh. "Mmmm, doesn't that smells GOoooooOOOOod?"
Woof-Woof did peek over the edge of the back windows. Yes, that does smell good! I did pretend like I was going to feed it to Married Guy's cat who was rolling around on the driveway.
And then Ga-loooomp. Woof-woof was out the back window of the SUV in three seconds flat. Had to toss him the rest of the hamburger naturally, but I did run to close up the car so he wouldn't jump back in. Dog - 0.... Wittykitty - 1
We did go a walk after that. That didn't go particularly well either. It was fine at first. I even said that to him. Oh, you're doing so well...other than the stopping every 6.5 feet to sniff and pee on every ragweed within 2 inches of the road.
Finally, on the way back, when we were about 1000 yards from Married Guy's house, I saw some people up ahead with a large dog on a leash. And unfortunately Woof-woof did too. I tried to turn him around on the leash and head back up the hill...away from impending disaster. Because I've seen the Woofster with other dogs. Its kind of the Troy in the Roman Coliseum. Twisting bodies, jaws agape, flesh being torn. Its not pretty sight.
But almost before I was aware of it, Woof-woof took off towards the other dog, with me still attached, via the leash.
Have my legs EVER run that fast? No. But I was being dragged by a huge 135 pound dog in full attack mode. I did finally somehow manage to get the leash unwrapped from my wrist, without breaking it, but than the dog took off even faster. It was galloping. If dogs could be clocked like cars, he was probably running about 35 mph.
The two people with the other dog just sort of jumped back when Woof-woof arrived. I was screaming at the dog naturally. And the two dogs were soon locked in mortal battle. Fruck. I somehow felt responsible. I did finally get to where the dogs were and they were really going at it. The couple turned out to be a man and his very pregnant wife. Fortunately the guy was trying to separate the dogs and I kept apologizing.
And then Woof-woof decided it was time for a little doggie nookie and suddenly mounted the other dog. I was mortified and then the guy said the strangest thing. He said, "That's my daughter you're humping!"
His wife told him he didn't have to say that, and then the guy finally got the two dogs separated and I took Woofsie Porn-Star back to the house where I yelled at him for a good five minutes. He just sat under the table and kind of looked up with those innocent puppy-dog eyes.
But my heart was really pounding, plus I had pulled a muscle in my ass while I was running. So I just went and laid on Married Guy's bed for a while and tried to mellow out, massaging my ass, which was really sore and stinging from my short running stint. And then one thing led to another.
We'll just blame this one on the dog.
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