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2004-06-11 @ 12:52 a.m.
But still...a guy with a tattoo...

Damn this heat...but what a great day to start Anger Management! I was actually supposed to start this anger management program last Wednesday, but the nitwits coordinators who were organizing the program didn’t realize that they weren’t going to be there last week and never let any of the participants know. What a great way to test out whether we’re in need of an anger management course...have us go to an office...cool our heels for 20 minutes...and then tell us there’s no class. Yay!

And I was particularly ticked off because I had been at my art class at the crazy crazy place and I had to leave early in order to get there. And it was almost like a comedy skit while I was waiting. I was in a large reception area with two other people...they too were in need of anger management. One was this pimply boy with a baseball cap pulled over his eyes and then there was this obese black woman who reminded me of Dee of “What’s Happening!” Remember her? Only this Dee was much fatter...like Dee would have been twenty years after her TV series was canceled.

I finally said, “Gee I wonder if this is part of our anger management program...to see how we react after being made to wait...” Baseball cap kid snickered but this really set “Dee” off, and she immediately started ranting and raving about having more important things to do, like sleep (yes, she actually said that) and that she didn’t need to be there, and that her case manager had made her come, and that this was really stupid, and, and, and...

I was actually kind of getting into it. Anger is fun, when you have co-participants! So I decided to spur on old Dee even a little more by saying: “I bet there’s a camera on us right now. They’re probably filming us, to see if we ‘re gonna tear the place down because they’re making us wait”.

Dee’s eyes got so big, I thought she was going to pop her triple D bra strap.

“Yeah, They probably doing dat...they probably doing dat’ right now” and she started looking around for the cameras.

ha, ha, ha. I crack myself up. except old Dee was there by COURT ORDER. Because she’s VIOLENT. ok, Witty...time to pack it up.

So anyways, I did attend my first Anger Management program today. It wasn’t bad. No stabbings or gun shot wounds were called in. I did provide some comic relief during the class. I think I’m always a little funnier when I’m anxious. My lesbian friend, however, was puzzled as to why I needed such a thing. Guess she’s never read one of my mother diatribes.

And speaking of my lesbian friend, she had called me this morning, asking me about my nude drawing class. She wanted to attend with me tonight and asked for details. I was happy to hear that, because Johnson always needs as many warm bodies as possible to keep the class running, but then she never showed up tonight. It was probably the heat and humidity.

The class was very small and we were right in the middle of a severe thunderstorm warning when I arrived. There were a few of the regulars, but none of the interesting ones (as in, the boys who make me giggle). And also at this point, I was still expecting my friend.

Tonight’s model was probably our oldest female yet. Maybe in early 50’s, but for clarity’s sake we’ll simply refer to her as the model with the varicose veins.

I actually got a little depressed at the beginning of the class because looking at her body, sort of got me thinking about what’s is store for me...wrinkles, saggy boobs, dimply ass, varicose veins. Ugh. But I think I’m still good on most of those. I actually think its because I walk alot, masturbate waaaay too much, and eat a lot of chocolate :-)

So I was just sitting there kind of lackadaisically drawing. It was hot as hell, and I wasn’t feeling very inspired when suddenly I noticed a large fan, sitting near the model, as in doing absolutely nothing, as in ITS HOT IN HERE, so I asked Johnson if we could, like USE IT, so I wouldn’t melt into a puddle of Irish goo.

Man, what a difference! I had that sucker blowing right on me, and it also helped recreate the Dust Bowl of the 1930’s. The Pastel Dust Bowl. I’d draw, hold my pad up and then it would blow the chalk dust out over the entire room. Cool! But why was everyone coughing? Hmmm.

(heh, heh!)

And then the door swung open and it was Charlemagne, the Obnoxious French Guy. I knew the night was going to get better...finally. I had talked to “A’ about him during the “Art Class” segment of my session on Tuesday. I had told him about Charlemagne, because I KNEW, absolutely KNEW that “A” KNEW him. He’s part of this artsy hippie part of town which I believe “A” used to be a part of, before he became respectable. So I had said his name, and for a fleeting moment “A” kind of had a look like “Oh that’s trouble”. But then when I pressed him he was like, Oh I don’t know him..and oh, he’s French, really?

Our eyes immediately met. And this was right when Johnson was setting up the fan for me, and when he saw that he asked why would a COOL girl need a fan?

Man, a 46 year old women really loves being called cool!! Unfortunately I was unable to come up with any snappy comeback, because I was drenched with sweat and my funny-maker was shorting out. Also, I was really nervous seeing him for some reason. Must have been that conversation with “A”.

And I did miss an opportunity.

OK, I missed it on purpose. This guy is a flirt. Right “A”? We both know that. About half way through the evening he yells out that he needed a ride up to N. ***, which is right by my mom’s house. So I was sitting there thinking, do I give him a ride or don’t I? It could be fun or I could be a total and complete nervous wreck, driving my car off into a ditch. I really thought long and hard about it. He had asked how I was at the break, and I kind of mumbled fine into my chest and scurried away. Fruck. Whenever anyone shows me attention I just go completely freakazoids. But this guy is just way too wild. He has like 20 tattoos...and that is definitely a testament to wildness, right? No? Yes?

Fuck, I’m so confused.

Even after I walked out of the building and got into my car, I almost went back in. It was just a car ride after all. Ok, it would have been more than a car ride. I was looking pretty darn cute in my bright pink tank top and blue shorts. well, ok, not bad for an older woman in her 40’s. ok, just slightly better than the model with the varicose veins.

OK...I was way hotter than the chick with the varicose veins.

But still. A guy with tattoos.Oy....

Anyways, here’s tonight’s art...minus the varicose veins...because those would just take too freakin’ long.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty

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