2004-07-25 @ 10:52 p.m.
in need of an extreme make over

Well, shut the fuck up, stop popping up, because you're pushing me to my limits on my anger management skills, and I may just start throwing things. And tonight's latest bout with bannermania was a result of a mere click onto diaryland, with no less than 8 banners all at once. Holy freakin' hell, they nearly knocked me off line there were so many of them. And when I attempted to click them off, it gave me a message that I would lose any text I might have and I should shut down my computer and restart it.

Why is that?? I didn't invite your ugly asses in. Why are you fucking with my computer? Its also affecting me offline too, making my Photoshop all funky and stalling me on PageMaker. I think there might also be a virus, despite my almost anal, continuous cleaning out of my hard drive by various virus protection programs.

And have I downloaded pop-up blocker software? Well, duh! This Bannerfarm bitch must have gnawed right through that program. So last night I patiently went through my hard drive and deleted every single pop-up that had entered my hard drive in the last two months.

Found some really interesting names in those little cookie-pop-up names listings like: Hugecock, Nosepicker, Pussy and Beer. Gee, I can't imagine what websites I visited to get those on my hard drive, but I cleaned out as much as I could.

So Ha-huh! I've got you, you little bitch. But then, like in the movie "Alien", just when you're least expecting it, that big old ugly beast just pops right out of the middle of my midsection once again and I just can't take it anymore. So if anyone knows of any FREE software that I can download, that can help me with this, please drop me a line. Otherwise, I may be smashing my one true friend (my computer) in the face.

It was yet another gloomy day where I cried me a river and ate my weight in ice cream. My mom took me out to breakfast at this local diner which is really popular. Had to wait about a half hour, but I got to people watch. Even though this place is family oriented, there was a hell of a lot of Hell's Angel types hanging out. Middle aged men with earrings, scraggly graying pony tails, and Harley Davison T-shirts stretched out over their huge beer guts. Naturally they all took a gander at me. Forty something chick, long dark hair. Perfect accessory for the back of their hog. Sorry boys. You're not my type. I like seat belts and solid metal frame work around me, when I'm roaring down a highway at 70 mph.

Finally got seated out in the back of the restaurant and this restaurant has a 1960s theme and our waitress looked exactly like Diana Ross. I mean exactly. And she was so ultra cheerful I wasn't sure if I wanted to strangle her or ask her what her secret was. The breakfast was really good, and even my mom couldn't find anything wrong with it.

Afterwards, I really didn't want to just go directly home, since I was feeling so poorly emotionally, so I convinced my mom to go to my dead aunt's house. The house where I would like to move, because it would be rent-free.

It's a cute little house, but today's visit really did convince me that there would be an incredible amount of work to be done before I could even move there. First of all, it stinks like mold a'la mold. And in fact, there was mold growing on many pieces of furniture. The house has been un-lived in for about 7 years, so the elements of nature have taken over...as in mold, spiders, and dust.

I walked around the house trying to make my desire to live there logical. But its in pretty bad shape. Ceiling tiles are falling down and stained, it stinks, the toilet and sink in the bathroom would need to be looked at by a plumber, Lord knows if the gas stove works, the whole floor tilts at such a dramatic angle you could shoot marbles from two rooms away, the back door is rotted off its hinges, lots of stuff would have to be moved, it only has rotary dial phone service so things would have to be updated, all the wallpaper has terrible water stains from a previous leak. And of course, my flaky cousin doesn't want anything moved, since its a museum to her mother's time on earth. Oy.

So in this house, covered in dust and filth and spider webs and mold, I once again noticed, the Mary and Jesus paintings in my aunt's bedroom, having absolutely nothing on them. Not even a speck of dust. My mom didn't believe me until I told her to take one of the paintings off the wall and run her finger on it. And she did. And there was nothing on it. Not even a spider eye lash. And yet she still wouldn't admit that that wasn't weird. She just rehung the picture and said, well, there's other things in the house without dust.

Yeah, right...like maybe us.

Driving home, I started crying in the car once again. I pretty much can't stop crying these days, and yet my mom totally ignored it. I'm sitting there snuffling like mad, and she's saying, "oh, look at that kid standing on the corner. Wow, look at that house. I think there used to be a bowling alley over there."

I guess I was freaking her out. She should be used to me crying. I've been crying for nearly two weeks now. She didn't acknowledge it, until we were nearly home. She thought that maybe the local Catholic Charities might be able to help me financially with my bills, but since I used to work for the diocese, I pretty much know they only hand out food. I think she felt bad about not being able to help me out any, so she did buy me a battery for my cordless phone and called it a day.

I went home briefly, looking for a "cheerful" video to watch. When I'm in a bad mood, I tend to want to watch movies like "Magnolia" (my favorite bad mood movie. Is there any song more appropriate for my current mood than Aimee Mann's song "Save Me"?). But I then decided I needed some comedy so I stuck in an old Comic Relief video from the 1980's. I used to be so into those shows. Robin Williams looked particularly cute in this particular edition, sporting longish blonde hair for some reason. Married Guy looks a lot like Robin Williams, minus the long, blondish hair, so maybe that's why I was enjoying it more than usual.

After a little Comic Relief and lunch I went for a walk on our local lake. I was trying to get myself psyched at the sight of all the cute runner guys, but I just wasn't in the mood today. But the weather was nice, and I walked close to the shore, rather than on the asphalt path, and gathered up pieces of broken pottery that was used as land fill when they created the park. A lot of the pottery is colorful and/or has floral prints on it, so I gathered it up in hopes of making some kind of mosaic. It's soaking in the sink right now, getting rid of the mud that was clinging to the edges.

And then it was home for dinner. Watched Extreme Makeover. Man, I wish somebody would just come into my LIFE and do an extreme makeover. I could really use one. Could somebody please nominate me for an extreme makeover? Like right now.

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