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2004-08-24 @ 12:33 a.m.
going postal down at the insurance office

So I was laying on the couch tonight listening to my mother talk on the phone. I had the Olympics on, but it was on MUTE. It was the womenís beach volleyball competition, so the images were playing in silence. My mom was droning on and on about how unfair life has been to both of us. And I started to notice something. Now Iím not a lesbian or anything, but man, those girls are hot!

And as my mother was talking about the nanny guy, it was churning up some anger in me, and than her comments seemed to strangely coincide with the volleyball girls smacking each other on the ass. I guess they were scoring points or something.

For instance, my mom would say, ďThat nanny guy was really an assholeĒ and then the onscreen Volleyball Girl #1 would smack Volleyball Girl #2 on the ass. SMACK! Or ďIts pretty bad when your own kids donít even want to live in with you.Ē Volleyball Girl #2: SMACK! Or even ďHe sure sounded like a freak with all those camerasĒ. ďVolleyball Girl #1: SSSM--ACK!Ē

Yeah, baby.

I was actually getting a little turned on, although I donít remember volleyball being all that sexy in high school. I just remember always getting hit in the face or getting my index finger broken.

So I had a major meltdown in public today. Yeah, it was pretty embarrassing. I usually try to limit my meltdowns to 1) my bedroom, 2) ďAĒs office or 3) my car, but I pretty much lost it at my insurance office today. I think I scared the two female insurance agents. I guess they got scared when I uttered the phrase, ďIím about to go postalĒ and my eyeballs rolled back into my head and flames started to shoot out of various orifices.

Ok, there were no shooting flames, but I actually did say the ďIím about to go postalĒ thing. I guess its always best to announce things like that, rather than just to launch into them. That way you can just yell and scream rather than actually doing anything really dangerous like smashing everything in the entire office and killing Elaine and Susan, two of StateFramís most dedicated agents. That would just be wrong.

Why all the anger? Well, I think insurance companies rip people off. At least the people who have clean driving records. I havenít had a speeding ticket in probably 20 years. I havenít had a major accident since 1977. I had that little fender bender in January, and got 4 massages out of it for my neck. But thatís only because Married Guy got on my case about it. He was the one who convinced me to pursue massages for my whiplash. It didnít even occur to me to do that. He benefitted, of course. At least financially. I guess I did massagically.

I pay a lot of insurance for an old clunker car. I only paid $500 for the car, yet I pay $48/mo. to insure it. And I have the bare minimum required. And the rates have risen steadily since Iíve been with the company. I used to pay about $34/mo.

Why the rising rates? Sure ainít because Iím a lousy driver. I think its because Iím paying for all the lovelies who donít have insurance or for those who are ripping off insurance companies. My sister is one of them, God love her. She had some minor damage after a hurricane in Florida...probably about $300 worth. She lied to the insurance company and got about $3000. Its like...yay... free money. And then people like me, pay for it. People who canít afford it.

Well, the last couple of months have been hard for me financially. After buying the car, I have been pretty much in the hole ever since. Why? Because the insurance company had this little extra ďchargeĒ on my bill. The insurance bill went from being $48/mo. to being $70/mo. and because of this tiny little additional charge everything snowballed. I lost control of my bills. I got behind on my electric bill. I started only paying partial payments on my insurance bill. I skipped my phone bill completely.

I tried to keep up somewhat with the insurance, since my car is really the only independence I have. I had been taking the partial payments to the insurance office each month explaining that I was unable to do the whole amount, blah, blah, blah, and the woman had been saying it was okay and that she would write a note to the company explaining the circumstances.

Well, the circumstances finally caught up with me at the beginning of August. I got a termination notice on my car insurance. Pay or youíre uninsured and then you will be fined on a daily basis by the DMV. Groovy! Just what a poor person wants to hear. A daily fine for not being able to pay a bill, because well, you canít pay the bill, because, well, you donít have any money, which brings you right back to...

YOU DONíT HAVE ANY MONEY.

Is this mic on??

So I rushed to the office on August 3rd, which is fortunately the day I get SSD, and paid the damn $35, thinking I was finally caught up. Elaine the Wonder Agent nervously confirmed that she thought so too (I think I make her nervous because I virtually always bitch about the insurance rates when I go in.)

But damn, if 4 days later I didnít get another insurance bill for that damn pesky $70. amount. Fuck! Thatís like $105 worth of car insurance in one month (and Iím sure if you own some luxury SUV, youíre saying gee, thatís cheap, but I only have a crotchety old Ď93 Ford with rusty mud flaps, so for me thatís expensive).

So what has been causing that nasty extra $22/mo. for the last three months? Well, it was extremely complicated. It seems that olí Witty Kitty did the unthinkable. She sold one car and bought another. And some poor shlub down at State Fram had to delete Ď92 Chevy Corsica and type in Ď93 Ford Tempo on some computer screen. But it was difficult. It took hours and hours and hours to do. Several supervisors had to be called in. A think tank had to be organized. I think tides were affected somewhere in the South Pacific. And they had to charge me nearly $58 for the change of policy. $58!!!!! For like 12 keystrokes on some computer screen in Ballston Spa, NY.

Rip-(cough)Off!!

So what set me off today? Oh, its coming. So I had been holding off paying the $70 until as far into the month as I could possibly go, because Iím getting down to nearly having nothing at this point. I went to the bank to make sure I had some money. A whopping $109. And I got out $60 and took $50 to the insurance office. I figured, well, Iíve been behind before. Iíll just pay the $50 instead of the $70 and then have a little over $50 left until September 3rd. Thatís about 10 days away, and if Iím really careful and donít drive too much, I can probably do that.

So I put the $50 cash on Elaineís desk and she looked at me and said, ďIím sorry, but we can only accept the full amount.Ē

Well, hellís bells, sheís been accepting partial payments for the last three months. What gives? So I lost it, and I lost it rather quickly. I told her I didnít understand why she couldnít accept cash. That was stupid. And what was this thing about a full amount. And how stupid their ďextraneousĒ charges were. And how stupid this was and that was.

And then I made the famous ďIím about to go postalĒ remark, because I truly was ready to scream. Iíve been doing that alot lately, like when Iím talking to my mom. Iím not necessarily screaming at her, but Iíll just let loose vocally and start yelling and swearing. Its so cool swearing in front of your mother. I feel like such an adult.

I think ďAĒ also got a recent sample of Witty Scream-Pie, right ďAĒ? Wasnít much fun, was it. Its not really fun for me either. Iíve always been very in control of my anger, but now it just sort of pours out of my earlobes like lava. Its very uncomfortable. And I donít know if its good that Iím ďdoingĒ anger now, or rather Iíd just like to restuff the whole damn thing.

But the anger thing wasnít quite over yet. And I did something that I think will probably make me never go in there again, if for no other reason than sheer embarrassment. After saying I was going to go postal, I said, ďYou want more money? You want more money???Ē and I took my wallet out and dumped its entire contents all over the womanís desk. Pennies, nickels and dimes went spraying out everywhere. A five dollar bill landed near the edge. Coupons went flying everywhere, since I keep them in my wallet. I said, ďYou want some coupons for cat food??Ē

Thatís when the insurance agentís co-worker came scurrying over. I guess I looked sufficiently dangerous. I then kept repeating, ďI canít believe you wonít take a cashĒ.

And then the insurance agent started denying it. She said she didnít say that sheíd only accept the FULL payment (ďbullshitĒ). She then graciously said sheíd take whatever I had, and would just write a note to State Fram about it.

Well, why didnít you just do that in the first place, wingnut?

Honestly. So did anger work in my favor? Iím still trying to think back to the few anger management classes I went to. Supposedly anger is suppose to be a positive thing, in that it lights a fire under people, to get things done in a quick and efficient manner.

I guess the secret is, just donít let the fire erupt into a 10 alarm blaze and burn down a mini-mall. Yup, that's the secret. Also make sure the insurance is paid, if you're planning on burning down the mini-mall. You wanna make sure Witty's extra $22 pays for something worthwhile.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty

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