blackbird.jpg (30437 bytes)

2004-11-27 @ 8:47 p.m.
bad driver bounty hunter - - that's me


Dear Dickhead in the late model blue Chevy who ran the stop sign and nearly rammed into me and then flipped me off for no good reason other than being in your way:
I have recently acquired a cell phone. Its really cool I'm finding out. I used to make fun of people with cell phones, because they seemed so precious talking to their spouses in grocery store aisles asking them what they wanted for dinner, but now I have discovered the power of cell phones. I have discovered that when Dickheads in late model blue Chevies run stop signs and nearly ram into me and then flip me off for no good reason other than being in their way...well, I can take your license plate number, call the police and report you.


HA! Checkmate!


Me, blowing the smoke off my cell phone and putting it back in its holster.

Wittykitty 1 Dickhead 0


Revenge is sweet. I may become a one woman Bad Driver Bounty Hunter in my town. And we have a lot of them. I remember one night last winter, I had just gotten out of my drawing class and it had snowed about 5 inches in 3 hours and none of our roads were plowed yet. Fortunately I was house sitting so I only had to drive about 4 blocks.

Suddenly I saw this car speeding up behind me. And mind you, the roads were deep with unplowed snow. And then it zipped past me, and even with my windows rolled up, I could hear yelling and screaming. It was a bunch of college students out for a joy ride. They had their car windows open, even though it was snowing heavily and were all hanging out yelling. And then, just after they passed me, they slammed on their brakes and spun out. I was alarmed at first, but then they raced another block, slammed on their brakes again, and spun out again. They were doing it on purpose. Like whee! Let's endanger everyone's life, limb and property (since there were cars parked along the street) for a little fun. I finally turned off that street and tried to find a back way to my friend's house. And who do I run into the next street over? Evil Kenievel-nuts. They had gone around the block and were now spinning out on a new street.

Fortunately I was just crossing over that street and not driving on it, but when I got to my friend's house which was 4-5 blocks away, I saw them spinning out on her street too. I guess didn't want to miss ANY opportunity to mow someone down, since they were obviously EODDs...equal opportunity drunk drivers.

So I did call the cops when I got to the house. Unfortunately I was very vague in my description to the cops because 1) It was dark out. 2) It was snowing heavily 3) I was afraid to get too close because I didn’t know when they were were going to launch into some crazy Fear Factor snow driving stunt. They just said they would be on the look out for some “unusual driving activity” in the university area. Oh good.

So this morning I got to co-host co-facilitate that group at work. It was kinda weird going into a big empty office building without knowing what to expect. "J" was already there getting some snacks out. Unfortunately only 2 guys showed up today. Usually there are about 6-7 people there, including women. But today it was only me, and 3 older men (oh goodie, my favorite...old men). One looked like Rodney Dangerfield and the other like Vincent Gardenia in “Little Shop of Horrors”. And neither Vincent nor “J” could hear very well, and I have a soft, low voice, so I had to keep cranking it up vocally to be heard.

I also think Rodney liked me a little too well. He started complimenting me on my scarf. And then on my coat. And then he started doing that thing people do, when you say something, and then they say, “Me too”, like they have shit in common with you. I’ve been getting that a lot on this job...first with the lesbian chick and now with this guy. That stuff totally unnerves me. I’m used to being invisible. I’m not used to being the person who somebody wants to be like. And you would think it would be ego-building, but its not. It just makes me nervous.

I also think I’m making “J” a little nervous. He’s married and very serious. But I have seen him display a little tiny bit of a sarcastic sense of humor with our boss, but not with me. Today he said the word “breast” in reference to turkey breast and then turned to me and said, “I think I just made witty blush”. Hardly. But with his seriousness, I have started to tease him a little. Serious people are so fun to tease.

Today, for instance, when we were leaving the building he had to set some alarm while me and Rodney D. were in the entry waiting. When he got to us we could still hear something beeping, and he was nervous that he had set the alarm wrong. What an opening! So I told him that if it was set wrong, that Rodney and I were going to make a break for it and tell the cops we had seen him breaking and entering the building. He looked very pained and Rodney was grinning.

heh, heh. Bad witty. Teasing married men. I just have this thing I like to do, ya see...

0 comments so far << | >>

Older Entries
upsy, downsy, upsy, splat! - 2010-05-22
April sours bring May flowers? - 2010-05-01
when finding a head in the recycling bin is the highlight of your month - 2010-03-28
fifty two chances to be awesome...ok maybe - 2010-02-20
its sorta like "Grease" except there's no musical numbers and I'm really old - 2010-02-05

host

Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty

>