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2004-12-21 @ 12:39 a.m.
we're having a heat wave...a tropical heat wave


So what do you think the hardest job in the world is? Brain surgery on a flea? Electing a Democrat into the White House? No, it was probably what the poor telemarketer was trying to sell me today on the coldest day of the year (-10 degrees). A POOL.

For crissakes people, have you looked out the window? And this was a local pool company according to my caller ID. I could just see the company executives gathering in their board room, warming their hands on hot chocolate and trying to recirculate the blood back into their toes from the walk in from the parking lot. Hmmmm, lets see. What should we try to sell the People Who Live Near the Canadian Border on the coldest day of the year? Thermal underwear. Naw! Too obvious! Warm toasty woodstoves with airtight flues so they don't get affixiated? That's just plain stupid. Especially when you can set your Christmas tree on fire to get warm.br>
Office Idiot: "Hey, I know! Let's try and sell People Who Live Near the Canadian Border...a POOL!!!!!! Yeah!! Who cares that the ground is frozen solid and will remain so until next July? Who cares that if water touches your skin you are immediately stricken with severe frostbite? Who cares if someone might be stupid enough to jump into a pool four days before Christmas and immediately die from exposure? We'll just put a tiny disclaimer on their contract so they can't sue us...it'll be GREAT!!!!"
Office members and boss cheering in background. Whee!!

Honestly.

My Caller ID was a source of amusement for another reason today. I really wish my digital camera was working, because I would love to take a picture of this, since it was so unbelievablely bizarre. The name on my Caller ID? Will U. Callme. I swear to God! And it was a local phone number too! And I was like WTF? Is someone yanking my chain? Is this phone spam? I think I will soon be changing my phone listing to No I. Wont.

It was miserably cold today though. So cold, in fact, that my car didn’t start this morning. Would you start in ten degrees below zero? Hell yes, I just bought a fucking new car battery a month ago!! Damn piece of shit. And the one thing that can really upset me is when my car doesn’t start. I can go into nuclear meltdown mode in 1.2 milliseconds when that happens. Lots of screaming, crying, cursing and kicking of said car, when that occur. I sometimes wonder what my Eye-talian landlord thinks of me. I know she watches me out of the window. Unfortunately I didn’t get out there early enough to go to Plan B (take the ghetto transporter, i.e, the bus), so I had to call my boss’ voice mail and then wait an hour until the next bus. Fruck! Ya kinda hate to do things like that on a new job, but I figured by time I called AAA, it would probably be about the same amount of time, plus I’m out of AAA calls for the year, since I call them so often, and I really didn’t want to cough up $15 for another service charge. So I just walked in an hour late to our meeting.

It was pretty empty anyways. My boss is sick. Only about half of the staff was there, and they were just unwrapping presents from our boss. She got us each little ZENgardens with rakes. Each one was a little different and “J” who I have realized has a very sarcastic sense of humor was pouting because he liked my ZENgarden better than his. And he only had one rake. Some people had two rakes to arrange their sand with. Plus I had a little Buddha head about the size of a walnut to lie artfully in my white ZENsand. He was soooo jealous. He was sticking his lip out. I told him he had “issues” and to stop pouting. It was pretty funny.

I was supposed to co-facilitate a women’s group after the meeting, but unfortunately it was canceled because nobody showed up because of the weather. I was actually a little perturbed nobody told me sooner, because I went out and bought lunch thinking I was going to be sticking around for several more hours. And plus I missed the bus, so I had to wait an additional hour. So with bus fares, lunch, and only one hour of pay, I made $2.00 today. Aren’t you all jealous? Now that I have that down payment for the pool to consider you know.

I was perturbed AT work though, which wasn’t good. I had a little meltdown in my cubical. I called the bus service to see when the next bus would be and the woman was nasty to me, so I in turn, had to be nasty to someone else. Its just the way of the world, right? No? Whoops. Well, it was that darn lesbian chick. I really wish I could like her, but she makes my skin crawl. She’s always staring at me and it makes me really, really uncomfortable. She just stands there and gapes, really. Like she’s come upon a vision. And I’m like, can you please divert your x-ray vision away, please?

So I had just gotten the news that the group was canceled. And she thought she was co-facilitating the group. And nobody had told her she wasn’t. And suddenly I was. And she wasn’t. And then I wasn’t. And she was gaping at me. And I was standing there uncomfortably. So I brushed by her and went into my cubical and got on my computer to check my e-mails. And then suddenly I felt her benevolent presence behind me and sure enough, she was looming behind me. And gaping. AGAIN. Blocking my escape from my cubical. It was then that I went into my melt down mode, cursing and swearing about the woman from the bus service, but I really think it was directed at her. The thing is, I didn’t face her. I was just staring straight ahead ranting and raving. She finally walked away. I felt bad. Within a minute I could hear her talking to someone nearby. She was either crushed that her “idol” had rejected her or she was saying, “that bitch!”

I was just frustrated about my car, about the weather, about being canceled, about the fact that I have NOTHING scheduled for next week, as in no paycheck, and I’m kinda getting used to having a paycheck.

I finally got home and tried my car again, but it still wouldn’t start, so I decided to call an old friend I used to work with. He had helped me out about a month ago, taking me down to the local auto parts place to get a battery. He lives about 2 blocks from here. I was going to ask if he would come over and jump start my car, but when I called him he was rather snappish with me (Payback, witty) and said it was probably the alternator and that his back hurt, so he couldn’t help. Damn. I guess girls are only allowed one Damsel in Distress call a year, unless the person is really a close, close friend.

I called my mom, who can’t help because she has asthma and can’t go out in the weather and she jokingly suggested I call Married Guy to jumpstart me. yeah, right. Talk about Christmas miracles. I really, really needed my engine to be jump started because I had a meeting to attend in the evening for my art class and also tomorrow is my last appointment with “A” for the year, before he goes on vacation, so I finally went out and tried it one last time. And it STARTED!! Yay! I figure its only because the temperature outside had finally risen to a whopping 7 degrees and Somebody up there was being nice to me. So I left the car running for a while and then drove it around the neighborhood. I felt like stopping by the guy’s house, who I had asked for help, and popping a wheelie on his lawn, but I did control the urge.

So I did get to my meeting. It was only our fearless Art Leader and “J”. I had thought we were going to have a more extensive meeting about promotions, but it ended up being little more an exchange of computer disks with local newspaper contacts. The computer we were using was in a classroom with animals and birds. I got to visit with a really cute bunny and some gerbils and a couple of finches.

I just hope my car starts tomorrow morning.

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