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2004-12-21 @ 9:14 p.m.
"A" is for awesome


You know, yesterday when I mentioned that I got a call on my caller ID, which identified itself as Will U Callme, I had a feeling that a few of you thought that ol’ wittykitty had finally flipped her lid. Like is that girl daft? Is the stress of the holiday season finally getting to her? Has she finally joined the small group of people who spot Elvis going into the Holiday Inn every Thursday night with a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken under his arm?

So I decided I had to prove I wasn’t crazy (a full time job for me). I still didn’t have access to a working digital camera, so I decided to somehow bring my Caller ID box and scanner together without losing the call on the Caller ID box. Guard Cat was watching me with great amusement as I stretched the Caller ID box and its accompanying wires across my bed, careful not to disconnect it and lose the call. I then had to unplug my scanner and lift it up over the top of my computer monitor and sit it on my office chair and reconnect all the wires and roll it across my bedroom to my bed (ha, ha, I make it sound like a vast distance, its only about 1.6 feet) and see if the two can reach each other. They did!

Guard cat looking at me with one disinterested eye: Witty, you’re so freakin' weird.

And then I had to jump up over the top of my bed to get back to my computer. Unfortunately with my scanner pulled tightly away from the computer, my mouse had gone off the back of my desk, into what is otherwise referred to around the house as “the abyss” (i.e., the place where things fall behind (echoing) Never..To...Be...Seen...Again). Fortunately it was still attached to the computer, so I pulled and pulled and pulled until the mouse came up from behind the desk, covered with abyss dust (translation: cat hair from 2003) and I was able to get into my scanning program. And then I realized “Houston, we have a problem”.

When you scan something on a scanner, the scanner goes over the image twice. When you click on your Caller ID to see all the people who are stalking you have called you, their number only appears for about 14 seconds. The double scanning thingie takes about 45 seconds, so I would be scanning the Will U Callme, but then it would disappear on the second run. So I finally realized I would have to actually hold the damn Caller ID and keep punching it so that the number would appear as the scanner scanned it a second time. Unfortunately sometimes I would punch it too many times and it would go back to one of my mother’s 3,279 calls.

Guard Cat: Witty, you are so, so freakin' weird.

But I finally got it right. And you now have, indefensible proof, that Will U. Callme does exist, and is not an urban legend.



By the way, try not to fall in love me because of my incredibly lovely wrist.

Guard Cat: (raspberry)

So the weather improved immensely today. It was nearly time for bikinis and flip flops as the temperature rose nearly 40 degrees today and hit 30! I was happy because my car started and I was able to get to “A”s appointment with no problem. “A”s incredibly cute little puppy came bounding out of his office to greet me again this morning. He’s like a little fuzzy hover craft. He doesn’t even really touch the floor when he runs. I got down on my knees to greet him and he ran inside my purse. See, he really wants to come and live with me and Guard Cat. Merry Christmas Guard Cat, I got you a present! heh, heh. Yeah, I can see that. Guardcat (snippily): “I hope you kept the receipt for that dumb thing.”

“A” and I talked about me seeing kidlet this week and how hard it was emotionally. We continued to hammer away at me trying to get over Married Guy and all the anger surrounding it. We then discussed what we’d be working on for 2005 (mainly anger, fear and intimacy issues). He then tried to give me a pep talk for my new job. I’m still nervous about it and don’t have much confidence that I’ll be any good at it. I was actually on my way to meet my first client at 12:30, so I was really nervous.

I then finally gave him his Christmas gift, a humor book, since a lot of our interactions are tempered with humor. It’s really the only way I can cope with things and its fortunate that I have a shrink who understands that, and has a great sense of humor to boot. He seemed to like it. He then gave me a giftcard to the local yuppie grocery store. He was very apologetic that it was a gift card like it was a bad thing. And I was like hey I like gift cards. I luurve gift cards! If you want to back a tractor trailer up to my porch full ‘o gift cards, bring it on!

We then said our goodbyes until 2005. He’s on vacation for the next 10 days or so, I believe. And its a well deserved one I’m sure, since he has to listen to all us whiney ones, day after day.

I then headed over to the yuppie grocery store to get a bite to eat before work. I went for some Chinese food (yeah, I eat Chinese food for breakfast. Go figure) and decided to use my giftcard. When I scanned it in their ATM machine it was for $25!!! And I was like WOW! That was extremely generous of him, but then “A” has always been generous with me, in both time and effort. So after the Chinese, I went shopping with the rest of it. And if you can picture this....wittykitty suddenly and inexplicably humming along with the Christmas carols on the Muzak.

ALERT THE MEDIA. WITTY HAS BEEN ABDUCTED AND REPLACED BY AN ALIEN!!!

Yeah, it was certainly like Bizarroland. A place where sad people are happy. Angry people are courteous. And people who hate Christmas are suddenly singing “Hark, the Herald Angel Sing” and actually knowing the lyrics (closet Christmas freaks evidently).

Come to think of it, in a way, it was like the final scenes in the 1951 version of “Scrooge” where Alastair Sims is suddenly awakened from his life long hatred of Christmas by Tiny Tim and is wandering the streets of London proclaiming his joy of the season. I ALMOST even wanted to wear one of the Christmas pins that my mom’s friends had given me recently. almost.

So I went shopping. I mostly got practical stuff which I can’t buy with food stamps like garbage bags, shampoo and conditioner (nicer stuff than the usual 99 cent Suave), aromatherapy dish soap with lavender/ylang ylang “essences” (so I won’t hate washing dishes so freakin’ much), some hair dye (so I can look stunning in ‘05 and catch a man), cat food for Guard Cat (although I don’t know if she deserves it after she ran up over my face in full attack mode Monday night after a snow flake fell on the roof and she got scared). But okay, maybe she does deserves it, since she does have to live with me and listen to me play "Oklahoma" on the piano at 1 a.m.

So I got her some really frou frou special shrimp and salmon treat thingies with REAL SALMON!!! (her whiskers vibrated diagonally and her head spun around 3 dozen times when I hand fed her a few of them. I think she’s hopelessly spoiled now. Donald Trump might have to adopt her).

I then meandered through the extensive hippie/health food section and gazed lovingly at the tie dyed Maddie’s Natural Socks, which promise “you’ll feel good from the feet up”. Heh, heh, really? Does that include my colon? But then they were a little too expensive, so I settled on some ancient secrets bath minerals and sandalwood soap. That was about the time I started getting delusional and singing Christmas carols. It must have been the influence of some nearby wafting patchouli oils.

I then picked up a few more small things and had to switch from a hand basket to a shopping cart since I had so many things. By time I got to the counter, I realized I truly had too many “things” since the total was $40! Yikes! So I put back a big jug of cat litter (sorry Guard Cat, you'll have to "hold" it) and put a couple of items on food stamps and brought it back down to $30, which was doable. But what fun it was to spend money freely and not worry about. That, in itself, was a gift, I think.

After that I headed to work. My new client never showed up for their intake. Grrr. Another wasted trip downtown, but I do get my very exciting $8 for one hour’s “work”. Of course after taxes, gas, wear and tear on my car and the anxiety my co-worker caused when THEY never showed up until about 2 minutes before the intake and I wasn't sure what to do, I’m not really sure how much I made.

But at least I had my shopping spree, via the ever effervescent “A”. It was nice to feel cared about. And that IS what the season is about. People caring about people.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty

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