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2005-02-04 @ 10:33 p.m.
when casual flirts get fed all the right lines


Here is your horoscope for Friday, February 4:
That exotic new friend who's been casually flirting with you? The one who seems to be saying all the right things at all the right times? It's not an accident. They've done their homework.

Ah ha!!



Or they've had their homework done FOR them, right "A"? Man, you are so busted. Charlemagne is a plant, isn't he? We both know he is. Because the first thing out of your mouth this morning at my appointment was "So is Charlemagne still hitting on you?"

Huh? Now why would you ask me such a strange question out of the blue? Does he call you with updates? Because I certainly never used the word "hit on" recently. We did talk about him a little in the last few weeks as someone I might have random sex with, but of course, I rejected that idea, because I just don't do that sort of thing. I also told you he was too crazy for me. And now suddenly he's been toning down his personality and showing me all his newly acquired good manners, and telling me such things as "I recently stopped drinking and smoking", because YOU knew that would score points with me. And then the "bipolar" thing last night. Wow...just like me. Groovy, look at all the stuff we have in common. That really wasn't even necessary though, because the guy is so obviously Bipolar that even Helen Keller could have diagnosed that.

I had to laugh when I told you he had a girlfriend who was in her early 20's and you kind of harummph'd and said, "Well, relationships like that never last". It's funny, but you once said something similar about Married Guy. You said a high percentage of second marriages fail. Sheesh...and here I sit still waiting on that one. (me drumming my fingers and looking up at the ceiling....waiting).

I was also amused at your take on why older men always have this desperate urge for younger companionship. That was actually something I was going to ask Charlemagne and the Brit Guy last night during the break...because that had obviously both chosen the Pretty Baby route. Why, oh why do men seek out younger women and what if I don't want to be the object of desire for some 70 year old geek? Of course you put it a lot more eloquently. How did you say it? Oh yes, "Why are you fuckers always chasing younger women?"

So your apparently well informed reasons for older men liking younger women were as follows: They don't have any children, they don't have as much emotional baggage..." And I guess I sort of blanked out after that, because I don't remember much else, except you didn't say the most obvious thing. Better boobs and they can call you "Daddy" more convincingly. You know, because they're young enough to be your freakin' daughter.

I guess I have a very sore spot about Older Men and Younger Women, because my Dad married a she-devil woman who was younger than me. I guess I should have seen it coming. My Dad used to take me out to dinner...just him and I, and would love when people in restaurants thought I was his date. It actually happened several times including once at the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco. It was there that some dippy maitre'd apparently thought my Dad was a real stud because he asked if he could get drinks for him and his wife (me).

Huh? That was just plain stupid. I mean, I actually looked like my Dad. How could he not see that? How could he think I was his wife? Was the guy blind? But my Dad was just tickled pink and talked about it for the rest of the day. Witty...my young, beautiful wife.

Ha. I just thought of something funny about my Dad and his YOUNG wife. One of the last times I saw him, he was living in Virginia, and when we went to a restaurant up on the Appalachian Trail, some waitress brought out a child's menu for the Filipino mail order whore.

Heh, good times...good times!

So, where was I? Oh yeah, Yenta the Shrinkster. We did finally move on from Charlemagne to Hershel, the new guy in group. "A" was all about how funny he was. I think he was feeling me out, to see if I had a wild crush on him yet (a resounding "NO" on that one good buddy), but I did mention that he reminded me of Charles Grodin. Anybody out there have a mad, passionate, lustful crush on Charles Grodin?

yeah, I didn't think so.

Other things were talked about. "A" confirmed that he thought I probably had mastered the self pleasuring thing pretty well...



yeah, baby...

And that perhaps I should try to move on to something not powered by the Energizer Bunny. Damn him...always trying to trip me up with odd requests like engaging in actual human contact rather than vibrating things that give unconditional love.

heh! See "A", I knew I could get something in about the "Unconditional Love" subject, especially since we agreed to disagree during group Thursday.

After my appointment, I went over to the gym and did the tread mill thing. And it was only today I realized how intrinsically weird it is to read captioning on silent televisions. The gym has like 10-12 televisions mounted up on the wall for all us hard body types to watch while we burn our little calories. There is a place to plug in headphones, but I've yet to find mine, so I'm still in the Reading-is-Fun phase. But it's strange watching captioning and then seeing people laugh hysterically when the words didn't seem particularly funny. It kinda reminds me of an occasional segment on the Letterman show, where two stage hands blankly read transcripts from the "Oprah" show including all of her artificially hyper "Oh Yeah's" and "All Right's!" and "Right on's!" Out of context its pretty funny by its sheer unfunniness.

I then headed out to the DMV to renew my driver's license which expires on the 12th, but the damn place was closed. Can you imagine? Sheesh! And my hair looked so awesome today for my license picture. Its a travesty, I say!

Anyways, I've been requested by the cool guy over at Rick's Cafe
to take some kind of a survey. According to Rick Cafe's little caption about me in his Favorites Section, it says he likes to dwell on my sexy parts or something like that. Well gee, thanks there Rick's Cafe guy. I was just looking down, and I like to dwell on my sexy parts too, but not for too long, otherwise I get distracted and then well, you know what happens at the wittykitty house when THAT happens. So onward to the survey....

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer? Only one, because I am such a techno-dumb person and don't know how to download music and don't want to anyways, because my computer is old and I need space for my graphics work. But the one I "accidentally" downloaded once was Aimee Mann's "Save Me". I only play it when I'm feeling depressed...like now, because I'm such a techno-dumb person who doesn't know how to download music like all the cool people on the Internet. p.s. I also still don't know how to retrieve messages from my cell phone and I've had it for over 3 months. Is there any hope for me??


2. What are the last cdís you have bought (or been given.) Gee, I wish somebody would give me some CDs. The last CD I bought though was Ray Charles "Genius Loves Company".

3. What is the Last Song you listened to before taking this survey? "Here We Go Again" (a duet with Norah Jones and Ray Charles).

4. What are 5 songs you listen to often or that mean a lot to you?
"At Last" by Etta James -- just beautiful. I love this song. I will definitely play it at my wedding if I ever get married.
"Eleanor Rigby" by The Beatles -- My favorite Beatles song.
"It Had to be You" (by any artist) - This makes me cry for some reason. I guess because I haven't found the "You" yet. Or maybe because I thought I found him, but he was accidentally married to someone else (also a younger woman - GRRRRRR! Younger Women....you all must die immediately. Die! Die! Die! Oh sorry. PMS, what can I say?).
"Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler) I broke up with somebody in the 1980's and played this song about 3.6 million times. And cried every single fucking time. I still play it on the piano.
"Piano Man" (Billy Joel). Great song, but it also has a sentimental value. I had taught kidlet this song when I was giving him lessons and it kind of became "our song". As soon as I'd come for his lesson, he'd run over to the piano and start playing "Piano Man" for me. Every week. And I never got tired of it. I even cried when I heard the real song in the car the other day. I miss kidlet.



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