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2005-03-16 @ 11:21 p.m.
heads will roll down at dailyhoroscope@astrology.com


Subj: Astrology.com: daily horoscope
Date: 3/16/05 11:15:57 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: dailyhoroscope@astrology.com
To: ****@aol.com
Sent from the Internet
Greetings witty --

Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, March 16:
Still in the mood to shop? Not for clothes or appliances, but for a new partner? If you're single, go for it. If you're not, give your sweetheart a chance. Suggest some ways to fan the flame that originally brought you together.

Notice anything? Like what time my all important horoscope was SENT. 11:15 PM of the day it was supposed to be for. Now how in the hell am I supposed to plan for New Sweetheart Shopping if I don't get my horoscope until 45 minutes before midnight??? What am I supposed to do now? Run down to the gas station two blocks from my house and hope to catch some guy pumping his gas? Because that's really the only place I can go this late.

I mean, I could haul my ass over to the yuppie grocery store, where I do my usual New Sweetheart Shopping, but that is 15 minute drive and then by time I get there, and walk in from the parking lot and then provocatively drape myself over a shopping cart, it would be nearly midnight.

heads will roll, I say....

And to think tonight in my art class, I set up my easel and the Professional Artist Guy came over and set up his easel entwined with mine. His easel leg was rather boldly shoved between my easel legs. I was very aware of how telling that was...as in his easel was trying to get a date with my easel. It was all there in black and white. And had I known about the New Sweetheart Shopping thing a little earlier, I'm sure I would have played it a lot differently. Because he smiled at me, when he was shoving his easel leg between mine. He was even whistling along with the music. Surely a sign that I'm supposed to notice that he was standing there....with his easel leg shoved between mine.

But no. Some snerkwitz at dailyhosocope@astrology.com was watching "Regis and Kelly Show" this morning and forgot to hit the SEND button. The button, it turns out, that was in total control of my romantic destiny. And had I known that I was supposed to go New Sweetheart Shopping today, I would have planned for it. Forget that I'm walking around breathing through my mouth, because of a severe sinus infection. Some guys like mouth breathers. My Dad's second wife was a mouth breather. Even when she didn't have a cold. And he married her.

heads will roll...I say.

And to think I could have been planning a June wedding tonight, instead of sitting alone in my bedroom typing this drivel. Thanks a lot snerkwitz. And don't even think about getting an invitation to my wedding...if I ever have a wedding. And how would I, since you forgot to hit the damn SEND button during the "Regis and Kelly Show" this morning.

Snerkwitz!!!


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