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2005-03-20 @ 2:02 p.m.
interjew with a coven

So I guess we all survived the diaryland tsunami of 2005. Its funny how dependent we are on our dear old diaryland. For me, its not so much to caresswrite upon its milky thighs blank pages, but more to read about all the people I have come to know and care about. Its like losing power or phone service during a storm and not being able to connect with your friends. I mean, even though you know they're all right, you still wonder what the heck is going on.

I remember once we had a really bad storm about 4 years ago and we were all without power for about 2 1/2 days. And I just sat quietly in my house, wondering what was going on in the world. I’m a news junkie you see. I watch all three of the local news stations for 2 hours and then watch the national news. And then go on the internet and read news websites. Ha...ha! Bet you didn’t know I was so well informed, did you? Thought I was just some dippy hippy artsy type, huh? Hardly. I got my love of the news from my Dad. He always watched the news really avidly. He was so excited when he got his first satellite dish. He probably would have watched the news 24 hours a days if we would have let him.

Well, the last couple of days haven’t been all that eventful. I am still recovering from my sinus infection. Fortunately I caught it very early and only spent one night breathing through my mouth. I always hate that. You know, where you breathe through your mouth all night and then you wake up and your lips have dried into two long crackly slabs of beef jerky. I managed to do that Tuesday night, and on Wednesday morning when I woke up and greeted Guard Cat, my bottom lip split open and was incredibly sore all day Wednesday and Thursday. My mom kept insisting that I put neosporin on it, but I really didn’t want to put that stuff IN my mouth, since I don’t know if its toxic or not.

Went to my art class Wednesday night. It was pretty uneventful except for the Professional Artist Guy setting his easel leg up between mine. I was actually kind of jittery about it. I was afraid I’d hit my easel and knock into his and somehow ruin whatever masterpiece he was working on. And then he wouldn’t smile at me anymore, like he always does. So I just stood there stiffly, sniffling and drawing yet another skinny model who kept opening and closing her eyes, which was really annoying. Either leave them open or close them...we're trying to draw your face, chick.

Thursday “A” canceled group. I think he had to go to Mass for St. Patrick’s Day. He had suggested that I go to our premiere Irish pub in town and drink green beer and oogle Irish guys. Or rather more accurately, let them oogle me, which had something to do, with something we had talked about Tuesday. Men oogling me. Yeah, like that happens a lot. As in, only about .000001% on any given day. And if it does happen its probably only probably some guy cleaning his glasses and thinking I’m a speck of lint or something.

I still haven’t really figured out which group of men I appeal to. I suppose if I had to do a pie chart it might have categories something like this: Men who wear polyester and have their glasses taped in the middle - 8%. Married men - 1.5%. Men who are blind and have lobster claws for hands 91%. Men who don’t smell, who aren’t in prison and who haven’t committed any heinous crimes like vote Republican - .5%.

But I didn’t go out to the Irish pub. I don’t drink for one thing. I was also still recovering from my sinus infection and the split lip thingie. Can't kiss Irish guys with injured lips.

Friday I headed over to the YMCA. I was feeling a little more energetic and not so head coldy. Its strange how different times of the day at the gym, bring about different mixes of people. Sometimes its mostly men. And damn, if I can remember when that is. I just remember going there one day, and it was about 85% men and I remember going...

Groovy baby


And then there was this week, as in 90% women. Fruck. Never going to get busy with a percentage rate like that. So I just stuck to doing my 1/2 hour on the treadmill, rather than looking luscious in my pink tank top.

I was also watching the news on one of the many TVs mounted up on the wall. They all have captioning since there is no sound. I’ve always wondered about captioning. Like is it done by a person sitting at some computer at CNN who is typing as news happens? Or is it done by a computer listening to a voice and then converting it into text phonetically? Because I'll occasionally see strange words coming up on the captioning. Words that looked like they were being phonetically generated. Like the news crawl on the bottom of one news network (cough FOX) which invited us to stay turned for “an upcoming interJEW with Larry King”. Interjew? Those letters aren’t even close on a keyboard...interVIEW and interJEW. I kind of wondered what Fox was really trying to say.

After I completed my 30 minutes on the treadmill, I went to get some paper towels to wipe down the equipment. They have paper towel dispensers all over the gym, so that you can wipe your sweaty handprints off the equipment. So I went to the first one. No paper towels. Then I walked across the exercise area to another one...no paper towels. I finally walked across the entire length of the room and found a paper towel dispenser which still had paper towels in it.

As I was leaving, I thought it would be decent of me to let the people at the counter know that several of their paper towel holders were empty. When I told the girl, she just stared at me blankly like I had just asked her to explain the mathematical formula for a nuclear fusion.

Me: “Paper towels. You need some paper towels. You’re all out.” Her: “?” Me: “Paper towels. You know.” Her: “Did you turn the handle?” Me: “Yes. I think I’d know to do that.” Her: “Which one needs it the most?” Me: (pointing the two empty ones out). Her: “But which one needs them the most?” Me: “What do you mean? They both do. They're both empty.” Her: “But which one?” Me: “I think that’s up to you. I have no idea.” Her: “I guess I’ll have to call maintenance”. Me: “I guess so.” Her: “I wonder which one needs to be filled the most.” I finally just walked away. What a freakin’ idiot.

I then headed down to the office. Unfortunately I had missed a mandatory meeting in the morning. Its mandatory, but not really. Not for someone like me. I mainly go to things at work so I can make that big old exciting $8/hour, not because its necessarily required. I had already worked about 6.5 hours this week, which was pretty good for me, considering how lately I’ve only been doing about 2-4 hours. I’ve even been coming in to DBT training sessions. I’ve already been through a DBT course for a year, but this is from the trainer’s point of view. Last week subject was “validation”, a subject I know absolutely nothing about, and then this week was “mindfulness”. Ha! A bipolar trying to be mindful. That’ll be the day.

This week in the seminar they gave out flowers and we had to concentrate just on the flower and only think about the flower and try not to think about anything else except postnasal drip flowers. It worked fairly well. I had a large stalk of dark blue cornflowers, and just being able to see something alive and beautiful after such a long, dark, depressing winter was nice.

We then had to take a piece of chocolate and just concentrate on the chocolate. Man...for once...something at work I enjoy. Free chocolate. But then the trainer kept talking and talking and having a piece of chocolate in my hand was getting increasingly difficult. I really wanted to pop it into my mouth. I'm pretty much like a 5 year old kid when it comes to chocolate. And then she finally rang the gong, signaling the beginning of our mindfulness and our piece of chocolate. But instead of enjoying its chocolatety goodness, as soon as I started unwrapping it and putting it into my mouth, I started thinking about going into "A"s office each week. He has a big glass container full of chocolate out in his reception area and I always load up on 1-2 pieces of chocolate (the same kind as being used in the mindfulness exercise) while I'm waiting for him. And even though I like my appointments with "A", I always have a certain amount of anxiety waiting for him to tell me to come into his office. I'm not really sure what the anxiety is about, but I have it every week. So instead of enjoying my little mini-Hershey candy bar, I was sitting there getting all anxious like I was getting ready to see "A". The trainer did ask us to share our experiences afterwards, but I didn't. Most of the people in the room are professionals...as in social workers and psychotherapists, and I'm sure I would have looked like a geek saying that eating chocolate reminded me of my shrink and it was making me anxious. So I just ended up folding, unfolding and folding up the candy wrapper over and over. Yay me!

After that I just headed to my desk for a minute to see if I had any messages on my phone. Our new group is starting on Monday and my name is on the flyer for people to sign up with. I've had this one woman driving me insane (not a fer' drive). She has called me a total of about 18 times in 10 days. She has called "J" my CO-facilitator about 4-5 times. She's very demanding and yelled at me when I didn't know how to answer a certain question. Gee, I can't wait to meet her. But Friday there was a new phone call from a guy who wanted to join the group. His name? Dennie Crane. The name of William Shatner's character in "Boston Legal". Fruck. Is this a prank? Because the Dennie Crane character on "Boston Legal" is pretty damn nutty. I did call him back and said that it was okay for him to come to our group. So we shall see what he looks like on Monday. Dennie Crane. ha!

Just as I was finishing my call, I heard someone behind me say, rather dramatically, "I WANT YOU!!!!!" Now this is not something I hear very often. As in never, since Guard Cat can't talk. It did startle me though because it was very loud and very close and when I turned around it was the lesbian. Not the one that is in love with me fortunately, but another one. We have a lot of gay people who work in our office. This woman wanted me to help her with a graphic design question, since she knows that I'm an artist. So I went over to her cubical which is right across from mine and as soon as I entered it, she sprang "that" question on me for the third time since I've known her...."Are you in one of the local covens?"

Me: No, I am not.

Her: Oh, heh, heh, I've already asked you that, huh?

Me: Yes. Its just the jewelry I wear that makes you think that. I'm actually a recovering Catholic and I think if I were to spray holy water over your cubical a large black cloud would form and it would rain frogs over the office."

Ha, ha. I didn't really say that. I was just thinking it. I don't want her to change me into a toad or something. I already have enough trouble getting dates as it is.

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