Well, its a little over an hour until the Summer Solstice, so I thought I'd make a list of the things I'd like to accomplish over the next three months of high humidity, heat rashes under my boobs, overheating cars, body odors on public transportation, people with too little clothing on who don't notice they have too little clothing on because they're too damn stupid or they're secretly exhibitionists but I can't really talk because I'm secretly an exhibitionist, but since its a secret I won't mention it because then it wouldn't be a secret anymore and then I would have to admit I have a problem and God knows, I only have a half hour a week with my shrink and we only have so much time to talk and talking about my need to flash people is kind of low priority, although maybe "A" would disagree, but then again, at the moment, I'm not really sure of anything, since the whole freakin' planet is on the verge of tilting on its axis which I'm sure will probably mess me up, and I have PMS anyways and am kinda acting funny anyways and I have two zits on my chin which I've been trying to circumvent by putting toothpaste on them, but with the combination of PMS, sweat, heat, humidity, the tilting of the freakin planet and the anxiety I'm experiencing about my need to flash people for no apparent reason other than to get attention because no one is paying any attention to me, because, you know, I haven't had a date since, I don't know....1985, and geeze, that's kind of a long time not to get any attention, but you know what, thank God someone invented commas because they sure do come in handy when you're manic and writing the world's longest sentence but Oww, I think I may have carpal tunnel syndrome now...Carpal syndrome complicated by comma-syndritis, which is a very rare condition you know and we may have to fly in a Specialist. Anyhoo...
So where was I? Oh, a list of things I wanted to accomplish this summer....
I would like to kidnap the New Car Fairy and hold him ransom until he gets me a new car that doesn't leak oil and make noises that sound like the gurgling from the bowels of hell. Of course, while we're waiting we'll probably lay around on my bed and listen to some Broadway musicals. I would think New Car Fairies would like Broadway Musicals. But I'm just guessing. Ok, so maybe we'll pull out some Judy Garland records instead, OK? Geeze, do I have to think of EVERYTHING??
I would like to move to a new apartment. One that isn't next to a fire station with its ever irritating mega colossally loud "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" siren thingie which sounds in the middle of the freakin' night and sounds like the gurgling in the bowels of hell. Sorry witty, you've already used that really weak descriptive phrase at your first bullet. Ok, it sounds like the Nazis air raid siren. meh. Still kinda weak, but ok. I'm also sick of having my bedroom 8 feet away from the Volkswagen sized air conditioning unit at the medical building, which goes on and off like 2.6 trillion times a day. I feel like Pavlov's Dog, except I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do when it comes on. Shoot my TV?
I'd like to be as awesome as my cat thinks I am.
I'd like to lose about 10 pounds. I actually wish my body was made of clay, so that I could just resculpt things. Like I'd take quite a bit off my stomach and then add it to the boobs (although not too much. I don't want to be mistaken for Anna Nicole Smith, or anything). I'd also get rid of the double chin. I actually like my arms and legs. They're cute. But that stomach. Off with thy clay protuberance, Madame Wit!
Go to New York City for a few days and just immerse myself in art. Go to MOMA. Go to some smaller galleries around SOHO. I went to our one and only little gallery in town yesterday and so enjoyed it. Not only for the art but because the receptionist there always remembers my name and the name of the piece of artwork I sold last November. Gosh, I must be almost important.
Once, just ONCE....PLEEASSEEEEE!!! A WINNING LOTTERY Ticket!!!!! Okay, the balls in your court, Lottery gods.
Find love. Yeah. (cue music: To Dream, the Impossible Dream). Hell, I don't even know if this is possible. I feel like such a wingnut sometimes, I don't know if I'll ever find anyone. I do get pretty discouraged, especially when "A" keeps encouraging things like sMatch.com and personal ads, and well, I have some mega issues with them. (see yesterday's entry).
Start painting more. I went out and bought an easel two weeks ago and its still in the trunk of my car. Doing nothing. As in not holding a canvas. As in I just wasted $13 on something I'm not using. As in I should be painting paintings that, well, you never know, might possibly sell someday. Stranger things have happened. Look at Katie Holmes. She converted to Scientology 6 weeks after meeting Tom Cruise. Like wow, who would have thought? Knock me over with a feather. Woo. Wow. Gah! Holy crap! Yow! Cowabunga!! By the way, who is Katie Holmes? Oh, the girl who converted to Scientology. (heh, heh. My evil plan is now set. Mega hits from Google for TOM CRUISE .... SCIENTOLOGY and KATIE HOLMES. Yay me!! :-)
Well, I really can't think of any other things to do this summer, except grow my garden, hope that my car doesn't break down, make good art, and be kind to squirrels. Peace out.
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