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2005-08-10 @ 9:35 p.m.
arf and the runaway bride


”Annie Hall” is my favorite movie about romance. Why? Because its about two neurotic people who fall in love and all the pitfalls their romance inevidibly produces. There is just scene after scene that rings true with me, like when they meet and there are subtitles underneath their awkward small talk which tells us how well or terrible they think they’re really doing with the other person.

Hey! I do that!


Or the scene where Annie, after breaking up with Alvy, calls him one night (subtext: probably because she misses him) and says there’s a giant spider in her bathroom and he comes over (subtext: probably because he misses her too) and goes into her bathroom with a tennis racket and rather comically beats the hell out of a spider “as big as a Buick”, and they end up in bed together.

Hey! I could do that!


Because, hell, tonight when I turned on my shower, I looked up a saw a huge Daddy Long Legs....about the size of a Buick...ominously lurking up in the corner of my shower and I sure wanted to call a certain someone...(cough)...Married Guy to come over and take a shot at it. And I know he would come, if I called.

But no, I know that’s not happening.

But, alas, as we all know, Annie Hall doesn’t stay with Alvy Singer. She runs off with Paul Simon and then I think ends up alone back in New York in the end. And I kind of think I’m destined to suffer a similar fate.

I had a very cathartic appointment with “A” today. It just really came out of nowhere. I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t plan it. I wasn’t even thinking about the subject that came up. And what was funny was that I had his appointment crushed into a full day seminar at work. I had to leave the seminar to run out to his appointment, since he won’t be there next week, so all I was all thinking about was how embarrassing it was to walk out in the middle of someone speaking.

I won’t really discuss what happened today or whether it will make an ounce of difference in how I will conduct my life in the coming months, but it did surprise me. In fact, it blew me away. After I left “A”s office I went back to my office and the seminar lunch break was still on, so I just sat in my cubical kind of shaky. I wrote him a brief note and he wrote back and said that I had made a major step. I’m still not really sure if it was a “Yay me” moment though. It was more like just a light bulb going off over my head thing.

I am sitting here once again on Wednesday night, not attending my art class, which is usually the high point of my week. It was incredibly hot today and I am not really feeling well. I am extremely fatigued and feeling short of breath and anxious. I think I’m starting to feel like the Runaway Bride about my impending move. I want to move because of all the noise, but I still have to deal with all the shit, like the government agencies, and the packing and having to call people to help me. I wrote a letter to “C” from group, accepting her offer to help and now I’ve never heard from her. And I have a really hard time asking for help.

And today when I was leaving “A”’s office he said, “Oh, Harold the Geek wants to help you move...” (or something to that effect, since I was still in a zombie-like state) and I was like “What? You mean provide comedic commentary for the move?” Ya see, “A” is still on a Holy Grail-like quest to match me up with Harold, volunteering the poor guy to carry 12,000 boxes of my books up to my new second story apartment in oppressive August heat, in order to show that he’s worthy of my possible affection. I really don’t know what to think of that. He asked me if he could give Harold my phone number when he sees him on Monday and I was like Umm. Ehhh. I guess. I really don’t know what THAT will be like. I remember the last time “A” gave my phone number to somebody...it was that freakfest nanny guy. And my conversations with him consisted mainly of:
Witty: “















Yup. That was about it. He talked so much and so rapidly and it was so Seinfeldian (as in, it was about Nothing), that I probably could have written a dissertation about Russian Literature just in the time he took, to explain the NEXT totally useless thing he had to say.

So a phone-a-phobe attempting to talk to Alvy Singer Harold the Geek? Hmmm. I don’t even know if I will have any answers by Monday. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m moving at the end of the month. I may just have a nervous breakdown and let Guardcat do it. Couldn’t you just see her carting the piano up those stairs on her furry little back? Finally (!!), she earns her keep for all that cat food I’ve been buying her the last 6 years!!

I did go back to the office for the second half of the seminar. The first seminar on the subject back in May had been very interesting. We had interesting speakers and we got to do various exercises with our co-workers which were fun and involving, but this one was all blah-de-blah blah. It kind of reminded me of the Peanuts cartoon on TV when Woodstock speaks and it kinda sounds like “ii iiii iii iiiii iii.” I mean the subject matter is very important for my job, but geeze louise, could you take the prozac out of our snacks so we don’t fall asleep?

So, for the last half hour of the session, in an effort not to fall asleep, I decided to doodle in the booklet they gave out. That’s always a sure sign of boredom for me....when I draw pictures of sunflowers. I guess I was thinking of my sunflowers at home, which are just starting to bud out. I just hope they bloom before I move, because I would hate to miss the blooming of my beloved sunflowers.

By the way, the dog’s name is: Juan and he’s monosyllabic. Arf!





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