2005-10-06 @ 2:41 p.m.
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lackey are breaking up?
J'lo's ass. Fighting amongst the Desperate Housewives. Marcia Cross is a lesbian.
Ben Affleck might run for congress?
Jennifer Anniston has a nervous breakdown?
Jennifer Anniston seen leaving her pilate class with new highlights?
Jennifer Anniston seen kissing mystery man?
Lindsey Lohan smashes another car after
Oprah gains weight. Oprah loses weight. Oprah gains weight. Oprah loses weight.Oprah gains weight. Oprah loses weight.Oprah gains weight. Oprah loses weight.Oprah gains weight. Oprah loses weight.Oprah gains weight. Oprah loses weight. 3.6 trillion species become extict in the Australian outback. Oprah gains weight. Oprah loses weight.
Elton John is gay?
Martha Stewart wasn't able to come up with a catchy firing phrase for her new show? Oh come on Martha. Just reach into that inner-bitch that burns so brightly. Go on! We all know you want us to think you're just nice old Martha of doily and pumpkin pie fame, but just say it once. "You're fired! So get your lazy pansy ass out of my pastel colored office before I stick your head into my microwave!"
Tom Cruise HAD SEX WITH A WOMAN??? And Katie Holmes is pregnant? Ahhhhhh, life as we know it will never be the same again, now that we know that Tomkat's sperm has actually entered a woman...BUT you know what?
So is Tom Cruise gonna jump up and down on Oprah's couch again and act all loopy like he needs to be taken down with a scientology approved tranquilizer dart gun?
Maybe Tom Cruise is just going to knowingly schedule the opening of "Mission Impossible III" (see the irony) with the birth of his baby, so that he can "schedule" the spontaneous couch-jumping thing. And than the media can film him acting all Tom Cruisey and it'll be like a two-for-one thing, us having to cringe at Tom Cruise acting all Tom Cruisey and him promoting movies and then the rest of the year, he can just attend scientology meetings and bonk
Why does everyone on "Survivor" this season look like they just finished 23 weeks on The South Beach Diet at the BEGINNING of the show? Yeah, maybe I'm jealous, but ultimately...
Nicholas Cage named his child after a cartoon character? This is a guy who once ate a live bug for a movie role. And look at the bright side, he could have called him, Letmeouttathe, but....
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopting 23 kids from Sudan?
Say? Whatever happened to Billy Bob Thornton since him and Angelina stopped wearing each other's vial of blood around their necks? His career tanked?
Ashlee Simpson lipsynched? Really? Ashlee "I'm uglier than three goat butts" Simpson?
"Dear Diary: Well, its true. Paris Hilton broke up with Paris Hilton's boyfriend today. It was so sad. Ummm, has anyone seen my lint roller?"
Demi Moore and Ashton Kushter...wed at last! Wed at last! Wed at last! Although I would be less worried about the age difference than the fact that I was marrying someone who hosted a show about deceit called "Punked" .
But what I do care about is the fact that when I called the car repair place today to see when my car was going to be ready, the guy Jason said yes. Monday, after they had done the diagnostic, he quoted me a price of $299. This morning he said there was ANOTHER $500 worth of work that needed to do before he would consider it safe. Now the total before tax is up to almost $800. Did anyone notice its a 13 year old hunk of solid rust? Like I only bought the whole fucking thing for $400 from my mom two years ago. And in the last 2 years, I've already spent over a $1000 in repairs?
So I told him to only repair the things that might kill me, namely the tie rod, which according to him is about ready to snap. I then called my aunt and ask her if she thought her son, my cousin Alan might be able to put some new brakes on for me. Because according to them, they wanted almost $300 to do that. $300? I could almost buy another piece of crap car for that amount. So I called him and he was in the shower. So we talked while he was naked and possibly washing his loins. That was a little weird. But he said he would do the brake job for only $25. He's a car aficionado. He buys old classic cars, fixes them up and sells them at a huge profit. But that isn't til next week. So hopefully I will get my car tomorrow. I would go today, but I have no transportation over to the car shop which is at least 3 bus rides away. I just hope that the brake pads and rotors on my piece of crap car give me a brake (ha, ha) until then.
Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty