2005-10-08 @ 11:45 p.m.
its memelicious, my friends....

Where was your first kiss?
When I was a junior in high school, the biggest jock in school named Larry, nailed me behind a truck at a party. And I didn't even know the guy. I was a theatre geek. He was a jock. But while we were at a party he had told me I had to give him a "senior graduation gift" and I was so naive I thought he meant a Hallmark card or something. It was not a pleasant experience. Dan who I later met while doing a play, was my first real kiss. And I kissed him.

Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
Hell no. I'm the largest wuss in the world. I'd be afraid I'd be thrown in jail and be forced to be LuWanda's bitch or something. About the most fierce thing I've ever done was take some of Married Guy's business cards he had out at a local business and throw them away. I might have stomped on them a few times too. I can't really remember though. The robots made me do it.

Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Yes. But only in the name of therapy.

Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
You mean in front of my cat? Oh...people. God, I hope not. I only sing in my car, because my car has magical powers. I sound like Bonnie Raitt in my car. Just nowhere else.

What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
Sense of humor, definitely. How he's dressed. Does he flash his platinum American Express card around.

What really turns you on?
Intelligence. Sense of humor. Nice ass. Nice eyes. Kindness. If they like what I like and are sincere.

What do you order at Starbucks?
I don't drink coffee, so I don't usually go in Starbucks, but if they have any kind of delicious chocolate snackie cakie things, I'd probably go for that.

What is your biggest mistake?
Telling the Filipino whore I knew she was stealing my Dad's money and never talking to my Dad before he left for the Philippines.

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Yes. Totally. Why do you think I've been in therapy for almost 30 years? Duh!

Say something totally random about yourself.
Its Saturday night. I'm lonely. I want chocolate. I wish I had new clothes. I wish I had a 2006 Passat with a CD player. I want to see "The Corpse Bride". I need a hug. I want to be kissed and ravaged on my couch. I miss Married Guy, since it was a year ago this week I fucked up our relationship. I hope I can sell some paintings at my art show at the end of the month. I want to lose some weight. I wish my living room was bigger. I want to go swimming. Will somebody please massage my feet. Somebody dropped off my favorites list. I wonder why? I feel depressed. Nobody loves me. I hope I can get my glasses fixed. I wonder how long my car will last now that I put almost $700 into it. I miss my Dad more than I love chocolate. Tomorrow would have been his 76th birthday....

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yes. Back in the 1980's, I had someone who worked at a deli, lean over the counter and say, "I bet people tell you this all the time..." and I said, "What?" and they said, "That you look like Princess Fergie". And I just stared at him. Princess Fergie?? Unfortunately this was when Princess Fergie was at her fattest and wore dowdy clothes. I just glared at him and then asked for my usual sandwich.

Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Are you kidding? Anytime I can find Pee Wee Herman videos at a garage sale I scoop them up. Because no matter how depressed or unhappy I am, I can always sit down and watch Pee Wee Herman and laugh and giggle like a total blithering idiot. I (heart) Pee Wee!!

Did you have braces?
I was supposed to, but my parents got divorced and my orthodontia got put on hold permanently. I still have a space between my front teeth. Thanks everyone!

Are you comfortable with your height?
I'd like to be taller, so I wouldn't have to lose as much weight to appear skinny.

What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
I would have to say when I went to visit my friend "G" down in Manhattan a few years ago, after I saw his Broadway show, we hopped in a cab for places unknown...at least to me. We got out, I believe in this very tony neighborhood on the East River (?) and "G" was walking up and down this block and suddenly he said, "Oh, here it is" and then took me into this little tiny park tucked between two apartment buildings. It overlooked the river and the Queensborough Bridge. It was a little after midnight and the view was magnificent! And rather familiar! Hmmm? I wonder why? And then I realized it was the park where they filmed a scene from my favorite Woody Allen movie "Annie Hall" when Woody tells Annie he loves her. And "G" knows how much I loved that movie and can quote practically any scene from it. I just about cried. It was so romantic and sweet for him to bring me there. Thanks "G"!

When do you know it's love?
When I forget to be neurotic.

Do you speak any other languages?
I have flunked Body Language repeatedly, so I guess I should take up English.

Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
You're talking to someone who gets a sunburn walking from their apartment to their car, so no. I'm Irish. I'm proud. I'm albino.

What magazines do you read?
None regularly, but I will cozy up with the New Yorker over at the library if I have time.

Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Dammit no. The one wedding I was in, as the Maid of Honor, the bride and groom borrowed a 1957 turquoise Thunderbird with white leather interior to ride from the Church to the reception. So no limos.

Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
Yes, my Dad. But his skeevy wife had taken him over to the Philippines and I only heard about his death second hand and never really got to mourn him properly. I don't even know if he has a headstone.

Do you watch MTV?
When I used to have cable TV three years ago I did. I loved "The Real World" mainly because it showed people with as much angst as me.

What's something that really annoys you?
Only one thing? That sure ain't fair. I guess today it would be people talking on their cell phones while they're driving. I mean, what's up with that? Can't you wait like 3 minutes until you get home? Its no wonder so many adults are getting diagnosed with Adult ADD these days. I think its because they are constantly in need of stimulation and are afraid they're going to miss something. What I can't figure out is why is it so damn important to constantly look down at their cell phones to see who's calling and to push various buttons, and to scroll through messages, and to send text messages, and to check the weather, and to take pictures of their knees. Fuck people, drive your fucking car!

What's something you really like?
I took a walk around the Village the other night after dinner and the temperature was 75 degrees and it was absolutely perfect. The air felt like velvet against my skin. I wanted it to last forever.

Do you like Michael Jackson?
He needs people to start saying no to him. He needs therapy. He needs a new nose.

Can you dance?
Only horizontally. :-)

What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
Probably about 4:30 a.m. I used to go to the Farmer's Market in Oakland with my boyfriend in high school to take truckloads of apples. We'd leave his farm about 10:30 p.m. and travel 50-60 miles to Oakland, unload the apples, eat at Denney's and then drive home in the middle of the night. It was fun. And the best part? No traffic!!

Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
Yeah, a couple of times. Once was for something stupid. I took some niacin and got all flushed and thought I was having a heart attack and called 911. The other time was a freak beauty salon "accident" (yeah, only I could get injured in a beauty salon). I was getting my hair dyed professionally (when I could afford that type of thing) and I had an allergic reaction to this certain dye and started turning about the color of cement and couldn't breathe. The beautician had walked away so I slowly turn to a woman sitting next to me and desperately whispered, "I can't breathe, call 911". The EMTs arrived in about 5 minutes and literally carried me over to the shampoo basin and washed the dye out of my hair, while I was puking. And then they laid me on the floor and all the rich beauty salon ladies gathered around looking on in horror, as they treated me like I was having a heart attack. I knew I wasn't, but they were putting in IVs and attaching electrodes and doing EKGs. It was all rather exciting. The best part? Even though the dye had only been on my head under 10 minutes, I didn't pay for the $60 dye job because of the ambulance trip. Yay me!!

Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
I think you learn a lot of about people in memes. I know some people consider them fillers, but I enjoy doing them.

Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty