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2006-06-06 @ 11:46 p.m.
subaru nirvana


I am now the proud owner of a new but old but new Subaru. And it was amazingly free of drama. So free of drama I was wondering if someone had stepped in and rewritten the part of wittykitty to be played by meredith baxter birney in a movie of the week. You know, because it was so boring.

All that happened today was that I walked to the bank...and no it didn't get robbed...wrote a check for two thousand five hundred dollars and walked out. Okay, that one part was kind of exciting, where I kind of momentarily hyperventilated as I was writing the word "thousand" on a check because amazingly, as a person of nearly fifty, I've never written the word "thousand" on a check before. I almost didn't leave enough space to write the rest of the words. Because the most money I've ever spent on a car has been $500. So this was kind of like buying Park Place on Monopoly. It was big!

I then walked home, got my license plates from my old car and then walked down to the Towne Center to wait for my mom to pick me up. She's been really sick. Yesterday was her 78th birthday but without a legal car, I wasn't able to see her. Naturally right when I got in the car, she proceeded to violently cough up a lung. Yeah, I felt bad. I knew she was really sick, but she had offered to do all this. And since we're both hard heads, she drove me out to the car place, where the guy had all the paperwork done. And what did witty forget? The check? No. My glasses. So I was signing all these papers, probably promising to have sex with midgets or clowns or something. I hope not.

We then had to zip over the the DMV to do whatever you do at the DMV. I really think the DMV should consider getting a bunch of comfortable couches and TVs with remote controls for those who have to wait for more than an hour. Because other than seeing a fat Amish guy come out of the bathroom with his fly down, things were pretty dull.

Of course there was always my mom's running commentary...."Geeze, look at how fat that girl is. Doesn't she know how fat she looks in that shirt? Why is she wearing something so tight? Oh, look at that other woman. Her legs are so skinny. They look like sticks. I can't believe she's so skinny. Oh look at that fat woman. Her pants are so tight, they're up her crack." And of course, she says all this, so loud the entire building can hear her. Oy. How we managed to escape without any broken limbs, Iíll never know.

We then went back to the car place. And I got the keys. And learned how to adjust the steering wheel and seat. And my mom took my picture with the car, including one of my ass as I was bending over putting on the license plate. I told her not to do that, but she said the car would make my ass look small, you know, since it was a station wagon. And then I got to zoom out into traffic in my new-old-new Subaru. I drove stiff armed for a while, nervous that something was going to go wrong, since it was 6/6/06 and also since its so ingrained into my DNA that any car I own is usually a totally unreliable butthead. But it drove nicely and smoothly and the air conditioning was great!

So I headed over to the yuppie grocery store, and actually got lost amongst all the other Subarus. Ha! Iím one of THEM now. The possessor of a Subaru, a.k.a. a sorta yuppie person. Of course my car is 10 years old and has a couple of minor rust spots. But it still has that tell tale Subaruski logo on the hood and the nice hubcaps and a sweeeeeet pearl blue paint job. And it doesnít slam my body into the asphalt everytime I hit a pothole, like the old Ford Tempo of Doom did. Imagine! Shock Absorbers, what a concept!

But could I find my car when I came out of the yuppie grocery store? Hell no. There were like 3000 Subarus out in the parking lot. Subarus of all persuasions. The Subaru Nirvana. The Subaruban. The Subacasso. I just had to look for the one parked furthest from the store, since I was afraid to park amongst cars since Iíve never driven a station wagon before and I figured I needed a little more practice parking. And I definitely didnít want to take out a bunch of old people shopping carts by swinging wide, you know, just because I was enjoying the A/C.



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