2006-12-11 @ 3:02 p.m.
I was just looking at this silly thing: "Gifts to Buy for People by their Astrology Sign." Naturally since I'm Aquarius and have already been pegged as the most unpredictable oddball of the universe by every astrology listing evah, I've actually got a complex about it now. Am I really that weird? Sure I walk around talking to myself. And I talk to myself while driving in my car. And I really have to catch myself so I don't talk to myself while walking in the Mall, but other than that I'm totally like everyone else. And I know for sure that the gifts I want for Christmas, surely aren't these:
Aquarius (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
You never know what this unpredictable sign will be doing from moment to moment one week it's skydiving and the next it's yoga! Still, this quirky sign always appreciates technological gadgets, whether it's an all-region DVD player or an iPod Nano. If you'd like to choose something a little more personal, why not make a photo album detailing all of your exploits with the Water-Bearer? Aquarius may not show it, but they harbor a special fondness for their friends. Still stumped for ideas? A basket filled with brand new socks is both weird and practical enough for this sign, which rules the ankles.
Oh yeah, like I go skydiving all the time. And yoga? Well, I may be a hippie, but I have enough trouble getting up off the couch to go get snacks during the commercial. What makes people think I could wrap myself into a pretzel and not have to call 911?
DVD Player. Got one. Thanks. And no, its not quirky. Its a Sony. And the iPod thing? I bet I'll be able to live to 110 years old and never miss having one of those. I have a CD Player. I briefly had a Walkman in the 80's and you know what? I barely used it. When I'm out doing stuff in public, I like to be able to hear if there's a terrorist sneaking up behind me, you know, like being able to hear the cocking of a gun. At home, that really doesn't matter. I have a CD player and a record player (wait, let me explain this to the kids), and am perfectly happy listening to music the old fashioned way.
Would I like a photo album of all my exciting wittykitty exploits with my friends? Sure, that would be nice. I am rather fond of the few friends I have, although most of them either live in California or New York City, so I don't see them much. So photos would be nice.
Yeah, its cool to be so popular.
And a basket of socks? Oh dear god, yes! yes! YES!!! My feet are very special and they don't get nearly enough attention. So bring them on!
But if I were to make up my own personal list, it might be just a tad different, since I'm not your usual skydiving, yoga-doing, i-Pod listening Aquarian.
Maybe get a full body Cat Massage while listening to Anya and gnoshing on Fancy Feast Gold Supreme Lobster Bisque. Although if she doesn't get off the freakin' computer keyboard RIGHT NOW!!, she's gonna lose everything.
What?? Its my list and I've been crushing on him for over 18 years now. His name was the first name I typed on my very first computer on some message board 18 years ago and the next morning I had a bunch of responses from other women, saying "Isn't he cute!", "He's so funny!" So see! It wasn't just me. He also just has that extreme sarcastic sense of humor that I love (and that he doesn't get to display on "Deal or No Deal"). Plus, my goodness, he's Jewish, he's a germaphobe...I mean, what's a neurotic Gentile girl not to like?
So that's my humble Christmas List. And there was nary a mention of an iPod or a yoga lesson. See, Aquarians aren't always wacky and unpredictable.
Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty