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2003-09-19 @ 3:54 p.m.
Movie Star Brain

So I went to the post office today. Usually not a big deal for most people, but for me, well, its always a treat. You just never know who you'll run into.

Today for instance I walked in, after braving the gale force winds outside. We're just getting the outer edges of the hurricane. I had to mail my E-Bay stuff, and there she was. Italian woman. Jet black permed hair. Black dress. Black socks with black high heeled shoes. She was stylin'. Italian actress Anna Magnani. Had to be. Is she still alive? Well, I think she is, because I saw her at the post office.

And then I went up to the counter. It was like getting hit in the head during a pillow fight- unexpected, because there he was, Pee Wee Herman. Had to be. A little heavier and he did have facial hair (he's older now, he can grow it). When I said I was wet from the rain, he said, "I know you are, but what am I?" I was like WTF. Did I forget my meds last night? I half expected Cowboy Bob to open the door when I went out.

I nervously got into my car and pulled out into traffic. Suddenly this jerk hangs a U-turn right in front of me. I was startled. I was just getting ready to use one of my elaborate putdowns and I looked at him. It was freakin' Kenny Rogers. Swear to God! Gray beard. In a blue Ford Escort. This was getting too weird.

You just don't usually see movies stars in this part of town.

I was almost afraid to look up when I went to the grocery store. I had to get some yogurt and non-perils. Yeah, I know you're thinking, its probably your diet chick, you need some protein, so I wondered over to the meat department. I've been on a mood upswing lately and have been trying new things. I wasn't sure how much I had left in my food stamp account, so I was just perusing the meat packages under $2.00. I picked a chicken breast for $1.67 and noticed it was basted in spiedie sauce. I didn't know what that was. So I broke all the rules. Looked up. And there he was. Behind the meat counter. Wrapped in a bloodied white meat cutter uniform...Richard Castalleno. You know, the hitman in "The Godfather".

Christ, its one thing to see these apparitions, but its quite another thing to talk to them, but I had to. Had to know what spiedie sauce was. So I said, "Can I ask you one question?" And he smiled angelically and said, "You already did."

Fuck, an apparition that talks back.

I then realized the spiedie ingredients were listed on the package and started to back away, but realized again, I had initiated the conversation with Castellano so had to stay for the duration. I now know the entire history of spiediography, if anyone's interested and might possibly have a date for the upcoming Columbus Day parade.

Later, Kaye Ballard checked me out at the check out counter. Mr. T opened the door for me. Rue MacClanahan asked me for directions for Dunkin' Donuts out in the parking lot. I'm really only waiting for the day that Johnny Depp gives me CPR.

Then I'll start giving this movie star apparition thing a little respect.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty