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2003-09-28 @ 5:07 p.m.
Blow drying your goat

"I blow-dried my goat last night and it just didn't look right."

Hey, these are the quotes, you've been waiting for on diaryland, right? I actually heard this while wondering through a barn at a goat show today. I told you, I hit all the hotspots for your reading pleasure.

I was actually on the way back to my car from a cat show. Yeah, I know. You're all jealous. A place where gay guys and fat middle aged women in oversized cat sweatshirts and cat earrings congregate. I sort of slid in under the middle aged radar though, being neither fat nor the owner of cat paraphernalia. I mainly went to get free stuff for my cat who is currently convalescing from a really bad case of fleas. I was actually responsible for her getting them.

Over the summer when I house sat at Married Guy's house, I took her with me and kept her in one of the kid's room, where she evidently picked up half the flea population from the surrounding 10 acres. She's an indoor kitty and had never had the pleasure of meeting the razor sharp choppers of a flea before. I felt really bad about it, since she is a Persian and has lots of hiding places for these little vermin.

She's mainly been sleeping above ground, like on my scanner, on my kitchen table and on the piano bench. The living room has the worst infestation. She literally dashes across the room to get to her food dish. I do too, since I too have become a target, having the required warm body and blood source they like to gnosh on. But at least I can catch them between my fingers, pinch off their little heads and flush them down the toilet at will. My cat can't.

The other day before I left for my shrink I had hugged her good-bye and while sitting at my shrink appointment, I looked down and noticed one of my freckles moving. Oh wait, its not a freckle, its a freakin' flea.

So I also went to the cat show to get some free advice as to what to do. I mean, I had already scoured the Internet to see what other people do with flea infestations, but most people just wanted to sell me chemicals. And I'm not a big fan of chemicals.

So I got my advice, but I also got to see the innerworkings of The Cat Show...the flip side of that great Christopher Guest movie, Best of Show. Got to see Bob, Lois and "Judge Judy" do their cat judging. Some of them are very low key, virtually silent as they toss these poor felines around like knives at Bennihana's. Others are more theatrical, prompting laughter and applause as they dispense such gems as "Cats are in charge of you, you're not in charge of them", stretching them horizontally like furry pizza dough. I sort of figured if this was done cinematically, you could have Arnold Schwartzennager stretching Calista Flockhart up over the top of his head saying, "Republicans are in charge of you, you're not in charge of them." Of course, it would be kind of a weird moment, but maybe if David Lynch directed it, it could work.

So I got my little bag of freebies. Three small bags of cat treats, some coupons and one can of wet food. Oh, and some Resolve, to clean up pet stains. That actually turned out to be the most beneficial. I had this large stain in the middle of the living room rug of my new rental that has bugged me since I moved here and just since I've been typing I used the Resolve and it got the stain out. I'm very happy about that. Probably a stash of flea-related weapons of mass destruction.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty