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2003-10-19 @ 8:35 p.m.
Austin Powers in a thong & other scary dreams

OK, I had this really weird dream this morning. This is not a joke. I really did. I was walking into the local pool I used to go to and was heading to the women's locker room but couldn't find it.

Instead I just found a door that said locker room. So I went in.

Inside was this huge room. It had blue Astroturf carpet. There were lockers all around the edges of it. And there were old men on one side. And old women on the other side. And there was one old lady in the middle of the room. She was somebody I knew. She was the lady who used to clean the rectory at the church downtown. We used to talk every morning. She would just be leaving as I was coming to work.

And she had an incredibly big mouth. She used to tell me about things that happened at the rectory. Like one priest who had a penchant for picking up young homeless men from the streets and having them come to the rectory for "sleepovers". She actually told me this story several times. She wouldn't tell me which priest it was, but I had my suspicions.

Anyways, in my dream, it was this woman who was standing in the middle of this huge locker room, taking her clothes off. Now its not as kinky as it sounds, because she kept peeling shirt after shirt off, but was NOT getting naked. All the old men were standing there in great anticipation. As only old horndogs can. And I was standing there thinking, I'm not going to get undressed in this locker room. Not with the old creeps watching.

Suddenly, I was aware that there was somebody coming in behind me at the door.

They said "Excuse, me dear" with a rather clipped British accent, as they brushed by me. It was a man. As he came into view, I could see that he was wearing a bright pink and orange flowered thong bathing suit. It was Austin Powers! But all I could see from my angle was his chunky little ass gripping the thong. Finally after walking about 5 feet ahead of me, he turned and looked over his shoulder and said, "Groovy, baby" and smiled.

End of dream.

Was that weird or what?? Boy, we certainly touched on a lot of subjects with that one. Nudity. Old men leering. Church shit. Austin Powers in the thong. What could be more uber-sexual than that, right? At least I'll have something to talk about with my shrink on Tuesday. He'll be thrilled with the Austin Powers connection. :-)

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