blackbird.jpg (30437 bytes)

2003-10-25 @ 12:57 p.m.
the meaning of dreams

I was just thinking (always a dangerous thing) about the way I constantly label people. Of course, here in Diaryland I have to to protect the innocent. Married Guy, Child Bride, Guido Obnoxious, the various names for my shrink: Shrinkie, Shrinkster, Tuesday Shrink, Friday Shrink, Shrinkerini, even myself, Witty Kitty.

I'm no kitty, and its definitely up to you whether I'm witty. Maybe once in a while when I'm not grumpy and irritable. But I suppose if I had called myself Irritable Kitty you may not have clicked on my name, right?

But I do tend to label people in real life. I only have about 5 people in my current life. My 2 shrinks, my social worker, the Married Guy and the leader of a Survivor's Group I'm in. And my mother, for the life of her, cannot remember their names, except Married Guy and the one shrink she's met. Although with him, he has two names that could serve as a first name and she still calls him by his last name thinking its his first name.

So I have to give them a descriptive name. Like the Hippy Chick we met at the Festival is the Survivor Group Leader's name and the Woman Downtown Who Helps Me is my Social Worker. And then there are a few periphery characters like the Ring-Nose Girl and Mrs. Soprano (my landlord). This is the only way she knows who I'm talking about.

Of course, I also do this, even without talking to my Mom. I have my Gay Friend in Manhattan. The Pastor's Wife. The Woman I Used to Work with at Macy's. And my favorite My Jewish Hippy Lesbian Friend from California who Made my Purple Scarf. And for some reason I always feel the need to add, "And no, I'm not a lesbian...not that there's anything wrong with that".

I guess I put these labels on people either because I'm literary or because I can't keep them straight either.

So its been a lazy day. I went to the piano bar last night and got my weekly shot of Broadway music. Had a massive bowl of ice cream. Figured I deserved it after such a crummy week. People actually talked to me too, so I guess I looked accepting of their attention.

I did sleep in this morning. But it was one of those mornings where you keep waking up...8:00..back to sleep. 9:30...trip to bathroom...back to the kitty for a few minutes (and no that's not a code word for anything else)...and then back to sleep.

But I had two very vivid dreams.

The first one was about my father who passed away last March. Miss ya Dad. I was with my Japanese/Mexican friend (see how handy that is?) in a large retail drug store and I saw my Dad standing in an aisle. He looked a little younger than when I last saw him. So I go running up to him, "Dad!" He just looked at me. I was like "Dad, it's me, you're alive. I've missed you so much!" And then he said, "I'm not your Dad". And I said, "You are so!" And we argued back and forth for a minute and then he took his checkbook out of his back pocket and showed it to me. It said Alan Green, which was definitely not my Dad's name. And suddenly he's walking towards the exit. I asked my friend if she could follow him. Not sure why I couldn't. But she did and a minute later, she came back and said she tried to get his license plate number, but couldn't because he drove away so fast. End of dream.

Woke up feeling really sad. I have a lot of unresolved issues with him.

But if you don't like one dream, wait for another. My next dream was about my shrink. I very rarely dream about him. But I was on my way to see him, driving my car along a country road. Suddenly I was literally blind and had to quickly veer off the edge of the road so I wouldn't crash.

Boy, oh boy, we got us some Freudian stuff coming up. Me blind...on the way to the shrink...where he will ENLIGHTEN me and I will SEE THE TRUTH. Whoa, baby.

So for some reason, instead of meeting at his office, my shrink made a house call. (yeah, that is definitely a dream). I was home lying on my couch. I felt really drugged-out and bleary-eyed. I, of course, never lie down during my appointment. That is Hollywood's version of going to a shrink. But in my dream I was lying down. I now can't remember much of the conversation except that it was about acceptance. And then when he was leaving, I gave him a hug, and kept saying over and over, like some sloppy drunk, "Hugging humans is nice". We then walked to the front door and opened it, and it was my neighborhood in California from when I was 10 years old.

Now how freaky is that?

But for some reason, that dream seemed to cancel out the sad feelings from the earlier one. Not really sure why. I guess if you're a shrink, you might be able to come up with an answer for that one.

I finally decided to get up after that. I gave my cat, who was sleeping on the edge of the bed, a little scratch between the ears, and then headed out to the piano, where I played, "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" from "Oklahoma". I figured, that's as good a way to start a day as any, even if it is a little after noon.

0 comments so far << | >>

Older Entries
upsy, downsy, upsy, splat! - 2010-05-22
April sours bring May flowers? - 2010-05-01
when finding a head in the recycling bin is the highlight of your month - 2010-03-28
fifty two chances to be awesome...ok maybe - 2010-02-20
its sorta like "Grease" except there's no musical numbers and I'm really old - 2010-02-05


Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty