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2003-11-01 @ 8:53 p.m.
internet co-mingling

I always feel like an idiot when I sit down to write an entry. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to write about since I have no life, no friends, no money, no cable TV. The only thing I have to keep me warm is my anger and my creativity.

It's ok to be angry though. I'm slowly learning that. I used to keep it all inside, but with the help of my hyperactive shrink, I've slowly been learning to release it. I don't always make the best choices on HOW. And sometimes I feel like I'm hemorrhaging anger rather than releasing it safely, but at least its coming out. And I use humor a lot. Thank God I've got a sense of humor.

Today though, I was really bored and on the verge of being really depressed so I got online. I used to be addicted to chatrooms in my early computer days. I had a few regular chatrooms I went into and pretended that these people were my friends. The best kind. Ones in another location.

But chatrooms got to be such a free-for-all. People swearing. People tearing each other up and fighting. And the pervasive use of the "F" word. Yeah I use it here occasionally, but I don't use it in real life except in my car and in my shrink's office. And then thats only when I'm expressing anger.

But I clicked on this AOL chatroom today. It was based on this real life shooting of a lawyer in plain view of a news crew in L.A. A disgruntled client started taking shots at his lawyer, who tried to hide behind a tree.

The room started out with about 20 people but dwindled down to about 5-6 of us. All adults. No 12 year olds spouting off or typing :-)'s. It actually was alot of fun and we all talked for over an hour.

There was me, a movie producer from Hollywood, a hillbilly from Kentucky (he described himself as that), a guy from Florida and this incredibly straightlaced, bible thumping woman named MARYFORSOULS.

Needless to say, there wasn't much love in the room for lawyers. I suggested that the lawyer should have deflected the bullets with his solid gold money clip or at least made a break for his bullet proof Mercedes.

Another guy suggested if he got shot in the heart, he would have survived since lawyers don't HAVE hearts.

All the while MARYFORSOULS was totally oblivious to what we were all talking about, because she was trying to save our souls. I mean every single thing she typed was "You are Godless", "Thy shall repent". Her and the Hollywood producer (of all people) were arguing about who God loves. She just kept making general statements. At one point, I told her that's why I always had trouble with religion, because it was never personalized. It was always about everyone and never about anyone. She countered with yet another "Repent, oh Godless soul", so I finally gave up talking to her.

So mostly, I was just playing with the others as they were joking about the lawyer and the guy shooting at him. I thought that the tree, the lawyer hid behind, might be needing a lawyer too. And the bible thumper stopped for a moment and said, "A tree needs a lawyer? Why would a tree need a lawyer?"

Well, unfortunately for this lady, it was just like tacking a big target on her ass, when she said that, because everybody just laid into her.

We decided that the movie producer was going to make a movie about her and Madonna was going to play her as an adult and Britney Spears was going to play her as a teenager. We were really terrible, but in a way, she was deserving. Because through the whole thing, she was totally oblivious to the fact that she was in a chatroom with people who had no desire to be converted. It was more about: Savor the sound of my voice. Ignore whether anyone wants to listen. Kind of like Rush Limbaugh.

The movie producer was actually very serious in his conversation with her, telling her that if Jesus was sending her out to spread His word, that he's doing a disservice because she was acting so crazy. And she was too. Since hanging up this afternoon, she has already sent me 3 e-mails. I guess looking for a convert. Its like, I don't do religion, hon. 9 years in Catholic School was my limit.

But I did have fun with the other guys. As usual, with guys in chat rooms, the inevitable question came up, age/sex/location/bra size.

One guy also tried to convince me that I had promised him a nude picture of myself (hey maybe he read my "Nude Typing" entry). Not sure why men think that I'll be sending out nudie shots of myself on the Internet. Of course, he was also the same guy who wanted me to join him for an orgy with him and his goat. I told him his goat might get jealous.

Of course, not all of us have nude pictures of ourselves. But I will never forget the day I put my first personal ad on Love@AOL. It had only been online like 45 minutes and I got my first reply. Well, actually it was an instant message. He introduced himself. We talked for a while. He lived in the next town. He seemed OK at first, until he told me what he did in his spare time...observing alien abductions.

Um, ok.

So we talked for a little while longer and he asked if he could send me his photo and I said sure, mainly to get him offline...


So the e-mail arrived. I only have dial-up and the photo was really huge, so it opened really really slowly.

blip blip...his head...blip blip...his shoulder...blip blip....hmm. He doesn't have a shirt on...blip blip...his visible panty line...blip blip.


But he was holding a Chihuahua in front of the family jewels. I think if I were him and I was sending this out to impress a Love@AOL chick I would have at least chosen an Irish Wolfhound, but that's just me.

So the point is, you never know who you're gonna meet on the Internet. I'm just happy you have the ability to filter out the flakes and nuts. I do wonder if MARYFORSOULS CHICK would like to meet the ALIEN ABDUCTOR GUY though.

If ever a soul needed saving...

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty