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2003-11-12 @ 11:13 p.m.
the nude art guy

I got to see a penis today! Neener, neener, neener. Yeah, I know you're all jealous. Except for the guys who own one. But for the girls, LIKE ME, who haven't seen one in a realllllllllly long time, the local community center had a really good deal tonight.

Penis viewing. Eight bucks. No waiting!

Well, there was actually a little more involved. It was a figure drawing class. I had gotten an e-mail over the weekend that it was Richard's last class, posing nude down at the community center, and we were all invited to send him off in style to sunny California.

All I saw was RICHARD...a man name. Usually its the female form draped across the raised carpeted mini-stage that sits in the middle of the second story of the community center. So I decided then and there it was time to pack up my penis-painting pastels and head on over.

I was pretty nervous, both because I was going some place with people and going some place with a penis. But I dressed nicely, and made sure that I packed some clonopin. I wasn't sure if I was going to see any of my Art Chick buddies, since this was over on the Howard Dean side of town, but it was mostly men and that made me feel instantly more comfortable.

The teacher was like the ultimate hippy. Shoulder length graying hair, crooked grin, delightful sense of humor. We had to wait for a pilate class to clear out. There was also a woman there in a wheelchair. She had an aide with her and looked to have cerebral palsy.

We finally got in about 7:05 and had to pull out all the chairs and easels.

Of course, as people file in, you always wonder, hmmm, I wonder who's going to get naked. There was actually a couple of nice looking guys there. And the men outnumbered the women five to one. I like those odds.

But it turned out to be a tall skinny guy who looked like Howard Stern who was going be our nude penis host...(laughing slightly), oh, I mean, male model, for the night.

I have admit, I have not seen a penis in quite a long time, so my heart was beating a little fast. And I didn't want to have that "Do I need a xanax, or don't I need a xanax?" look. And I definitely didn't want a Rosie O'Donnell eyeing a Hostess Ding Dong look. So I just nervously looked down at my drawing pad. And then the next time I looked up, there he was.

In all his nude glory!

My only real reaction was, wow, he's really huge for such a skinny guy. I'm really glad I was able to catch myself before I said it aloud, because I have a tendency to blurt things out. You know...the bipolar thing...

So my first drawings were really fumbly. And I could not draw...well, you know...the penis. But as the night progressed, my drawings got better and better. And by the end of the evening, I was like doing detailed medical drawings of his circumcism.

But it was weird having a naked guy in the room. Shortly after he started posing, I guess presumably after being exposed to his gorgeous succulent ass for 7 minutes, he did kindly suggest that we could open the windows, if we got "too hot". Heh, heh. Sounds like something Married Guy would say.

And I didn't go around and look at everybody's work, but from what I could see...all the men were drawing the model's face, and all the women were drawing the model's humongous love stick.

Coincidental? I think not!

I did have a little trouble drawing that at first. I was using pastels which are like chalk and kinda messy. And I was sitting there with the outline of his body and well, yeah, his balls, and I was rubbing the pastels to make shadows of the muscles.

And then suddenly I'm aware of the fact that I'm rubbing the hell out of his balls.

Rub, rub, rub. Gotta get those shadows right. Rub, rub,rub. Boy do I need a date. Rub, rub, rub. Anyone know where I can buy some condoms?

So again the connection between sex and art rears its ugly head. Not sure what that is all about. But I did really enjoy the class. The music was eclectic (everything from Yo-Yo Ma to the B-52's). The woman with the cerebral palsy was so crippled up she could barely hold a paint brush, but by gum, she did some cool little water colors, that looked nothing like a man, but God bless her! One woman offered to bring me some cotton gloves so my hands wouldn't get so dirty from my pastels next time. How totally OCD of her.

We had cake, warm Sprite and Doritos for Richard's going away party. I was too shy to mix, but at least I got out of my house. And that's a big thing for me.

And I kind of cavorted with a penis tonight.

Well, sort of.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty