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2003-11-15 @ 12:14 p.m.
slumming at the country club

So it had been two weeks since my mom and I had been out to the country club to see the piano guy. That's always funny to write..The Country Club...since we're both on disability and Medicaid and probably make less than their busboys.

But we still go to see the piano guy. I don't usually eat. Or maybe I'll get a bowl of ice cream. My mom used to eat, but now she usually only gets a salad.

The little chink in the piano guy's schedule had been a minor ongoing disagreement with the frou frou restaurant. Its one of those places on a golf course that caters to rich people who wear cashmere sweaters in the winter and funny golf outfits in the summer. You can always spot our car in the parking lot. We're the only one that isn't a Lincoln Towncar or Mercedes.

Our piano guy plays wonderfully, but our table of people is a little obnoxious. We like to sing along with the oldies. And dance on occasion. And we even have some people, who sing really wonderfully and go up and perform. Everyone SEEMS to love it, but evidently someone didn't. And the restaurant owner had asked for everyone to tone it down. No more carefree jitterbugging in the aisles. It was disturbing the patrons. This was, after all, a place of ELEGANT dining.


So after a two week absence the piano guy was back. And so was our obnoxious table. And so was the new ELEGANT menu. The new expensive ELEGANT menu.

Its funny how you can change a few descriptions on a menu and suddenly the prices skyrocket. Like the pasta for instance. It used to be something like Bowtie Pasta with Marinara Sauce flavored with rosemary. Now its Bowtie Pasta INFUSED with rosemary..cha-ching...Add $2.00. And then there was the pork that used to come WITH carrots. Now the carrots are ATOP the pork cutlet...cha-ching...add $2.50. Must be the additional labor involved with hoisting those carrots ATOP the pork.

Now my mom doesn't have much money. Going to see the piano guy each week is her biggest financial expenditure for the month. The menu no longer includes hamburgers or sandwiches. The cheapest meal was over $14.95. I knew she was a little taken aback. But she would never show it. So she would just have to make the waiter's life a living hell.

The service at this restaurant has always been terrible. Long waits to get waited on. Even longer waits for your food. And then when you get your food, it was usually either wrong, improperly cooked or you were served someone else's meal. I've also been left waiting for my meal after everyone else has been served. You also have to ask for bread, dishes and silverware occasionally.

And there is a constant turnover in the wait staff. Waiters rarely last more than 2-3 weeks. And if you make it past 3 weeks, they make you the assistant manager. And yet this place manages to stay in business. I guess because it has a nice location and they do weddings and proms.

So last night, after much consternation both on the part of my mother who was trying to figure out what to order on the newly-expensive menu (and finally realizing she could still get a salad), and the waiter who had to keep coming back, she ordered a salad.

Well, after an hour (I guess they were growing the lettuce), they finally brought out a bowl with lettuce and 3 croutons. $6.95. I kinda knew there was going to be an explosion. I had ordered a bowl of ice cream. Usually they serve it in large oversized coffee cups, but our new waiter, who was right in line with the new snooty ELEGANT theme of the restaurant, brought me this tiny scoop of ice cream with a tiny dollop of whip cream. $3.00.

My mom called back the waiter and asked if that was all there was in the salad. He said, rather hautily...well yes, its a Caesar salad. Mom: Well, there's nothing in it but lettuce. Him: But that's what in Caeser's Salad...lettuce. Mom: For $6.95?

I was like thinking, ok, I could easily slide under the table into the heating vent underneath the table.

They finally decided that he could bring her a slice of onion from the kitchen. I figured he would probably wipe his ass with it before he put it on the ELEGANT plate and brought it out to her.

In the meantime she gathered up various vegetables from other people's plates at the table. Carrots...cabbage...rosemary...tomatoes,and even a slice of steak. By time she got done, with her elaborate salad, everyone was done eating. But this is normal. Between badmouthing the restaurant, rearranging lettuce leaves and being a general pain in the ass, my mom is always the last to finish anyways.

The manager did come over later and look around and asked, "Who had ice cream for dinner?" I didn't really think that was necessary. It was really none of her business what I had. And yeah, I got the pointed tone of her comment. Thanks for your concern, bitch.

It's also obvious the management doesn't like us much. Us and our merriment. But just because we don't have the cashmere and the Mercedes out in the parking lot, doesn't mean we shouldn't be treated with respect. With 6-8 of us a week, we drop about $130 a week at your overstuffed gold plated golf chalet. It's not like we come for the good food and great service.

And I certainly don't think the rich folks are so above approach in the behavior department either. I've been hit on several times by old rich drunk guys in golf cleats.

And last night after I ate my ice cream I headed to the ladies room to use the facilities. I have nervous kidneys and usually have to get there fast. So I swing open the door and what do I see?

An old rich guy in a blazer wondering around in there. I was instantly repulsed because I was raped by an old guy in a bathroom when I was a little kid. So I backed out and caught a waitress who was walking by. She nonchalantly walks in and then walks back out.

"Oh, he's peeing with the stall door open, so you better go to the other restroom."

So much for the ELEGANT dining thing.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty