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2003-12-13 @ 2:29 p.m.
the DVD virgin

So if you were thinking of getting me a membership to the local gym for Christmas, don't bother. I'm house sitting in this 4 story house and after only one day of running up and down 4 levels of in the ultimate stairmaster that would make even Suzanne Somer's thighs ache, I'm good to go.

My first night was good. I was into the Halloween candy a little too much and after not having cable TV for 4 months, I just sort of basked in front of the boob tube, soaking up that much needed radiation and getting caught up on the self centered brats on MTV's Real World.

Oh, how I've missed them. That's the only show that makes me look well adjusted. Leah's fucking an Italian. CT's beating up Parisians. And poor Ace is getting an ulcer. I really think the show should provide a shrink for them. Or at least them some prozac.

I got woken up this morning by someone snowblowing the sidewalks around the house. How convenient. Am glad that someone woke me up because I keep forgetting, I have a dog to let out. Dogs aren't self-sufficient like cats. Dogs don't have dog-boxes like cats.

Kesai, however, is probably the most obedient dog on the East Coast. I have written instructions for him from my friend that went something like this: If Kesai grunts and dances for you, this means he has to go out. (kinda like a boyfriend probably). And then when you let him out, you tell him to "hit a spot" and he will go to the bathroom and then he will come back into the house and you will close the door."

Glad she added the closing the door part, especially since its only about 18 degrees out. But believe it or not, this dog does exactly what its supposed to. It runs out into the yard, which is now deep in snow, prances around in this intricate pattern, then finds a spot, pees and then runs back into the house. Its utterly amazing. What's even more amazing was what I saw when I looked into the backyard from an upstairs window this morning. The dog had created a pattern in the snow that looked exactly like the Star of David. And this dog lives with an Episcopalian pastor.

Freaky, man. Now I kind of expect the three wise men to be showing up soon too.

So I went out and picked up a few groceries this morning. And I also rented my first DVD. You know, me being a DVD virgin and all. There was so much to choose from. I had considered "Anger Management" with my fave Jack Nicholson, even though I had already seen it the first week it came know, with me being such a likely candidate for anger management and all. But I decided to go for something I hadn't seen yet. "Secretary" with James Spader and Maggie Please don't make me spell her last name.

I hadn't rented a movie in a really long time so I had to talk to the clerk about it. Didn't expect the official flirt clerk to be waiting on me. Are you STILL awittykitty? Hmm, if he hadn't added the word STILL, like do you now have a married name, I could have ignored the implications, so I said, Oh wait, let me look...and I dramatically took out my drivers license. Well, yes...yes I am STILL awittykitty.

And then I told him this was my first DVD and I had a new player and he was all smiley. And he told me I had 5 days on the rental and I told him it would probably take that long to figure out how to "hook it up". (oh yeah, we were just dripping with the innuendoes).

And then a second male clerk joined in the fun and he said with a DVD Player I could turn on the sub-titles. Yee-ha! That should be fun in a movie about a kinky sexual relationship between a boss and his secretary.

I figure that is probably why this second guy, who was a little geeky, actually works there. Just so he can check "Secretary" out every weekend, and TURN ON THE SUBTITLES....yes....yes....YES!!!!!!

So now that I have forked out 4 freakin' bucks I guess I will have to hook up the DVD Player tonight. And yes, I did hear from my Gay Friend in Manhattan and it was from him. What a sweetie! Wish he was here to hug. I sent out a goodie package to him earlier this week. Nothing quite like this, but it was from the heart and I'm sure he'll appreciate the spirit in which it was sent.

And the best part of my stay so far, aside from feeling rich and watching cable TV and clogging my arteries with chocolate ice cream? No anonymous callers. Yay!

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty