2004-01-13 @ 7:06 p.m.
catching the right train

So the tea-bath debacle was finally resolved last night. Of course I smelled so heavenly and tea-like afterwards, I kept having an uncontrollable urge to provide commentary on the BBC and eat crumpets.

Also its T-minus 23 hours, 54 minutes from the next time I get to see naked people. I mean, beside myself. I am, of course, talking about my figure drawing class. There is also now a new segment during my shrink appointment which we call the figure drawing segment. It precedes the _________ segment...which is to say, the nearly blank and boring part known as MY life. And that is followed by the ________ part, which is also the nearly blank and boring part thang henceforth known similarly as MY life.

Are we noticing a pattern here? Like that I don't have a life? I do get up every morning. I know that. I stumble to the bathroom. I only do that because I don't have access to a catheter. And then there's the long boring part ______la, la, la_______ before noon. Oh wait I do check my e-mail.

Penis enlargement, penis enlargement 4U, take a pill and enlarge your penis.

Yup, that's the fun part of my day. Reading spam on my computer. I certainly wish they would at least have pictures of the penis enlargement thing, for Christ sake.

And then its lunchtime. Campbell's chunky. Diet Coke. And then there's more _____la, la, la________.

What the fuck do I do all day?? Oh wait, I do go out to the mailbox midday and get offers for gold VISA cards. yeah, as if...

And then suddenly the sun is setting and its "Oh fuck..I'm another day closer to death."

And then I run and write about in Diaryland and all you poor folks who must be even more bored than me, click on Awittykitty, probably by accident (your cat stepped on the ENTER key or you sneezed and your head hit the mouse) and my bravenet counter gets activated (boy oh boy, I really got my money's worth on that one...oh wait, I didn't PAY for that, did I?) and then I feel really loved. 32 people looked at my writing today.

Oh wait, 30 of them were me.

So, somewhere in all the excitement of ________ (i.e., the blankness I call my life), I did manage to squeeze in a fit of anger today, where I slam dunked a bag of rice to the floor and it split open and sprayed rice everywhere. That was fun!

I was talking to my mom on the phone and my sweater got hooked on something sticking out on my bookcase and as I was flailing around trying to free myself, I managed to knock an apple into the cat box. And then when I went to get the apple, my hair got tangled on the same thing that hooked my sweater and I couldn't very well scream...

...well, I could have but I was talking to my mom, so instead I grabbed the bag of rice off the counter and just chucked that sucker to the floor like an NFL player chucking a football in the end zone.

Touchdo...w...n. Splat! Double fuckenegger.

I was actually recovering from my shrink appointment. It was kind of a rough one. I made it rough though. I'm having a rough time. I'm angry with myself for not doing better on the social front. The newly added figure drawing segment of my shrink appointment was pitifully short of exciting details today. Only of details of me...literally fumbling the freakin' ball socially with all these potentially eligible art guys.

..And then the shrink started doing the reverse psychology thing...well, I guess things'll always be like this...huh?

hell and damnation, I hate when he does that, but I did provoke him into that mode (we know each other so well) when I started out the session by saying the word, "Can't" 25 times in a row.

I'll always remember this certain Woody Allen movie where he is glumly sitting on an old train looking appropriately miserable (I guess that was before Soon Yi). He glances around and everyone else is looking appropriately miserable. He then looks over across the tracks and this other train next door is full of lively, happy people, who are all laughing and having a good time. He then he asks the conductor, "Can I get a ticket for THAT train?"

I only hope I get my ass off this appropriately miserable train (i.e.,life), before it pulls out of the station.

Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty