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2004-01-14 @ 3:25 p.m.
the centrifugal force experiment

Main Entry: centrifugal force

Function: noun circa 1721

1 : the force that tends to impel a thing or parts of a thing outward from a center of rotation.

Oh yeah...centrifugal force. Not only did I learn to spell it today. I was also part of a very exciting scientific experiment. I wasn't paid for my participation unfortunately (me-pouty face), but boy did I have fun (me-smiley face!!).

I had actually managed to get my lazy ass out of the house before noon. I was bound and determined to get that 2004 calendar SOMETIME BEFORE 2005, and I figured the stacks down at Borders were dwindling, so I made my way to the mall.

Did I mention it so freakin' cold that even Eskimos would cry? Yeah, our high today was -3, so even though I am the official curator of the Typing Naked Diary Ring, I won't be a-typin' naked today, my friends. Oh no. We have wind chills up the ying yang.

So yes, I finally outwaited my friends down at Borders and got my calendar for a paltry $4. Me doing the happy dance.

Fortunately my choices had been cut by nearly half, so I finally just grabbed one celebrating flowers photographed against painted backgrounds. Yeah, I know, I'm a wild woman.

I also picked up a Llewellyn's Witches' Datebook for my purse. Heh, heh...I thought it said Bitches...simple mistake, but it had some really lovely artwork (woodcuts of nature themes) that I liked. I had considered the Edward Gorey datebook, since he's my fave, but it was huge and very heavy, and not condusive to carrying in my purse.

I also picked up a special issue of TIME magazine called "How your Love Life keeps you Healthy" with such articles as "The Passionate Love Scale", "Sexual Healing" and "Sex and Your Brain" (my most used and least used attributes). I'm sure my shrink would have probably let me have his copy when he was through, but I was so excited by some of the articles that I just decided to snap everything up. This was the official Wittykitty shopping spree for 2004. Thanks "D" (she gave me $50 for Christmas).

So...what were we talking about now? Oh centrifugal force...that's right. So, with all the scientists gathered, from all over the world, the experiment was soon to begin. And it actually involved my car. Who would have thought my old Chevy would have been such an integral part of history today...Janary 14, 2004?

So I pulled out of the mall parking lot onto the access road. People were lined up for the light. I had just turned on the radio (this wasn't part of the experiment. I just needed to hear some tunes to get my mind off the fact that it was -3 degrees and my car heater wasn't working).

I was pretty alert. Looking at the lined up traffic. Listening to the radio. Observing the nearby stoplight. Looking in the rear view mi r r o r - at an on-coming LARGE STATION WAGON SLIDING SIDE --WAYS B E HIND ME....GONNA hit me very very very.....


Centrifugal force

1 : the force that tends to impel a thing or parts of a thing outward from a center of rotation.

So now the back of my piece of shit car has a piece of the fender torn off and looks even shittier then it did this morning. And the car that hit me, pushed me about 10 feet, bounced off, and knocked down a small decorative mall tree. Kaboom.

Unfortunately the perpetrator was driving an old rusty station wagon only held together by rust and the grace of God. The woman, who looked like one of my compadres from the food stamp office was all hysterical when she gave me her insurance information. I just stood there not saying anything. I was actually a little dazed. I mean more than usual.

The mall cops were there within seconds. Was there an accident? Whoa...those guys are good. A car is up on the curb with a tree sticking through its carburator. No officer, we're just doing an experiment in centrifugal force. Carry on.

I won't be doing anything. This woman was poor. No use making her insurance go up. She slid on the ice. My car is a piece of shit. If it had been a Hummer or a Land Rover, I would have fallen out on the icy roadway yelping in pain and screaming whiplash.

Heh. heh, ok, not really. I'm not like that. I would probably let a car run over me, and then apologized for making them go bump. That's just the way I am.

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