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2004-02-13 @ 5:16 p.m.
naughty Polaroids and alien chip implants

Damn those chocolate candies. Damn them. Why are they making me so wired? I got a box of mint chocolate hearts yesterday from the kidlet. And there were a lot of them. And I have been eating them non stop since yesterday and now my mother tells me of an unusual conversation we had last night.

I am a late owl. I have always been a late owl. I remember as young as 5, I used to lay in bed and listen to "The Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson through the wall.

But last night, during a late night phone call with my Mom (she's a late owl too), she told me that I fell asleep while I was talking to her on the phone.

I was like "What?" I don't sleep much. I don't fall asleep in vehicles. I don't fall asleep watching TV. I barely fall asleep in bed. I have to take drugs, just to power down long enough, to attain that elusive bitch called sleep.

But she said last night, that there was a long moment of silence and then some heavy breathing. She said she banged on the phone and said, "Witty...witty, are you there. Witty!" and there was silence. She then supposedly banged on the phone once more, and I finally kind of woke up and said, rather zombie-like "I'm awake, but I'm sleeping".

Huh? I just burst out laughing when she said that. I was like WTF?? "I'm awake but I'm sleeping?" Sounds like a bad episode of "Dark Shadows".

Cue: EEErrrieee music!

I still don't fucking believe her. I think SHE was dreaming...BUT I did wake up on the sofa at about 5 a.m. And I have absolutely no recollection of lying down there. None.

How did I get there? Why don't I remember lying down?

And then when I woke up, I was fully clothed and my cat was laying on my chest washing herself. Just slurp, slurp, slurp. It startled the heck out of me.

I kiddingly told my mom that maybe Married Guy slipped me a Mickey last night, so he could have his way with me.

Yeah Witty, that might explain those naked Polaroids nearby.

But honestly...I really can't explain it. Next I'll be finding alien chips implanted in my freakin' neck!

So I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who sent birthday greetings yesterday. That was really nice...and OH SO UNEXPECTED (you silly birthday whore, you practically flashed your tit, so they'd remember). But it felt nice. Thanks.

So I'm just waiting to go out with my mom for a post-birthday dinner. We're going over to the piano bar. We haven't been there since November, so she's taking me as a special treat. And there may possibly be MORE gifties involved, since we're meeting mutual friends there. Gift-giving friends. The best kind to have. :-)

I also got a $25 check from a friend in California. She's the mom of a childhood friend I no longer associate with. We've been writing for about 2 1/2 years and she's kinda become like a surrogate mother to me.

My ex-friend was always extremely self sufficient so her mom never got to be very "momly" with her. Of course me, on the other hand...I needed several mothers.

But I had a good laugh today. Along with the letter, she sent me a Xerox copy of a newspaper story about my ex-best friend. She was just elected mayor of the town where she lives. I almost fainted. I can remember her pulling up her skirt and flashing boys in Catholic school and singing "Home on the Range" and howling like a coyote. I even have the recordings!

What a perfect resume for a politician.

I still haven't gotten my digital camera. I hope that my mom remembers it tonight. She just Instant Messaged me and said she's near death, but she knows she promised that she would take me to dinner, so (sigh, gasp, gasp), she'll be picking me up at 6:15.

I did have my other cheapo Fuji camera with me last night. I dragged it out several times during my birthday extravaganza. I took a cute picture of Married Guy hugging his dog...and no, that's not a code word for penis. And then I asked him to take a picture of me with my cake. So we dragged all three kids into the picture and made like the Brady Bunch. And then Married Guy wanted to drag the dog in for another picture, so we did that too.

What I really wanted, was to get a picture with him and I. I've only got one snapshot of us together. I have it framed by my bed. We took it last January at his shop. It's a pretty nice of both of us.

So after a little courage mustering, when we were leaving, I asked him if someone could take our picture. He seemed to like the idea, but who do we get?

Wifie! Oh goodie. I'm sure she'll be so excited about that. Married Guy hugging on wittykitty. Yeah, baby! So I shyly handed the camera to her, and Married Guy clamped his arms around me, and she just looked through the view finder for the longest time. Or maybe it just seemed long, because I was so freakin' nervous.

But she finally took the picture, and thankfully didn't spike the camera into the floor breaking it into a thousand pieces.

Hope it turns out nice. And no, you don't get to see it.

But kidlet seemed to have a rally good time at the party. He just got a new song for the piano, and was pounding out the melody. And I was like...hmmm....that sounds so familiar. Where have I heard that? Hmmm! And then it finally dawned on me. It's the same spy movie theme that my shrink has playing on his cell phone. That just cracked me up for some reason.

Here I was at Married Guy's house. The very person my shrink yells at me about every week, and then here comes His Movie Theme. It was as if he was poking his head in-between appointments, saying, "Now Witty, this fantasy with Married Guy has got to end."

Geeze, He's frooking omnipotent!

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty