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2004-05-05 @ 5:49 p.m.
when three's not a crowd

So "A" has this new thing he does during my therapy appointment. He sits in his chair, with his laptop gingerly straddling his knees and types while I talk.

What's he typing? I dunno.

I know he has taken notes in the past (for that big upcoming best seller, "Wittykitty Unhinged"), but the laptop is also making weird noises...noises that sound like Roadrunner cartoons.


You know, kinda like when the coyote chases the roadrunner off a cliff and then suddenly he's midair and abruptly falls into a deep canyon with a puff of smoke.

What's he doing? Bidding on E-Bay? Instant messaging with other shrinks?

I dunno.

Boy, this girl I have on the couch right now, is a real goofball [send]

What's that? Ask her if she was a tree, what kind of tree she would be? (hee hee), Ok! [send]

"Say witty, instead of talking about your mother and Married Guy, I'd really like to see how you really feel about yourself. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?....A Banana tree? Well, that sounds kind of sexual, don't you think? I don't know if bananas grow on trees...let me check Google."

B-a-n-a-n-a T-r-e-e [send]

Oh, not you Freudski, we're looking up banana tree. That's what witty thinks she is. [send]

Other than the really annoying laptop thing (I don't like it "A", if you can't tell), it was a very good session. I pretty much just let it all hang out today. If this were playing on TV, it would definitely be on HBO.

It was basically all about sex. The No Underwear Friday was really just the very tip of the iceberg for me this last week. It was far worse in person.

"A" did assure me that feeling sexual was ok, and that we had to figure out how to find someone for me quickly. yeah....


I know this is all dwooshed up together with my nude figure drawing class and all the feelings its bringing up about my sexuality. And then there is massage. My body just can't get enough of it. And I keep wanting more than I'm getting.

Hey guys! How often do you hear a woman say that?

"A" handled everything beautifully other than the incessant typing on his laptop. Hmmm. Laptop forcefully rubbing on his thigh. Typing faster, typing slower, than typing really really fast taptaptaptaptaptap.

Bad wittykitty. Stop!!

Oh, and I did call him on playing matchmaker last week with the Eight is Enough Dad guy. I just KNEW he would bring it up. KNEW IT!!! Ha, ha "A".

He innocently said, "Oh, I saw you and the guy from group out talking in the parking lot last week."

Well, yeah..YOU sent him out there.

At first I wouldn't tell him that he asked me to lunch, but then I gave him the evil eye and called him Yente the Matchmaker. He acted all innocent. He would never admit that he put the guy up to it, but I know he did.

And unfortunately I still don't know the poor guy's name and "A" wouldn't tell me. He said I had to ask him. He also said he would be a good person to practice on. I guess like a practice date.

Again I told "A" he just wasn't my type. I mean, how would this guy react if I took him to a museum and wanted him to look at nude pictures? I definitely think we would need paramedics for him, because this guy has probably never seen anything nude in his entire life, including himself.

Plus I don't want to just toy with this poor guy, because he seems like he could get hurt really easily. Why hurt someone in my pursuit of my own pleasure?

I'M NOT A GUY. (cough)

So I came back 45 minutes after my appointment for the group with "A". I was actually late (couldn't find my damn new car in the grocery store parking lot. I knew it was white, but what did it look like again?).

When I got there, "A" held onto the door handle and wouldn't let me in. And then when I tried it again, he let go and I nearly tumbled into his office.

How old are we all now?

It was a full house today. There were the 4 or 5 women, the Eight is Enough Dad guy and the cute Mysterious Paul. We mainly focused on "M" today who is going through a hard time.

Afterwards I walked up from "A"'s office (which is in a basement), and who's standing at the top of the stairs? The Eight is Enough guy and Mysterious Paul. They're talking. Eight immediately brought me into the conversation. He needed immediate information on being bipolar. I think he dreams of being one like me someday, so he needed a list of symptoms.

Man, I wouldn't wish bipolarism on anyone, and why anyone would want to be one is beyond me, unless its just to impress me or have something in common with me. Sheesh! Can't we both just like the color blue or the Beatles?

Anyways, Mysterious Paul was actually talking a little. He's usually pretty quiet, although he will always shoot me a look during group when "A" says something provocative. And then last week, we both knew this incredibly obscure movie reference "A" referred to, and kinda acknowledged it to each other.

So Motor Mouth Eight is Enough was saying, "Yeah, my mind races sometimes, I think I might be bipolar....hey, maybe the THREE of us could get together next week for lunch and talk about it!!


And although I was a little too shy to look at Mysterious Paul, I nodded my head slightly and grinned thinking, hmmm, A threesome...

That could work, Baby.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty