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2004-08-02 @ 10:51 a.m.
for girls only today

I�d say I like being a woman about 97% of the time. I like being soft and round and curvy. I like that its ok to cry. I like that I can check out naked boobs anytime I want (and they�re size 40C if you�re interested. Not awesomely large, but not tiny either. But supposedly they are small enough that my mother has always felt the need to say �well, you�re not large like me.� That�s true momsy, but its not that you are genetically large like a Norwegian fembot either. You're only large because you�re 100 pounds overweight and their size is just in direct correlation with the rest of your body.

And besides, who wants big ta ta�s. I think mine are just the perfect size, shape, color and should be featured on those large screens around Time Square in New York City, so that men could gawk and women could wish they had breasts exactly like mine, so shut the fuck up.

But then there�s that menstruating thing. Well, that�s always been problematic. When I was younger I used to have the worst periods. Tremendous pain. Things that looked liked bloodied aliens falling out of my body each month. (sorry for that visual, but you know what I mean). But things have gotten better as I have gotten older. I have virtually no cramps now. Yay! The blood flow has lessened by and large. Of course my PMS still has striking similarities to the psychological make up of serial killers, but whose's doesn't?

Last year I went nine months without a period. I was ecstatic. I thought yay, this is it. No more 27 days of PMS and 3 days of blood letting. I�m free. I�M FREE!!!! But then the little bastard came back in October, and I�ve been having it ever since. But then last month it stopped again. And I was cautiously optimistic. I�m 46. I know menopause is on the way...sometime soon. So for some reason I really didn�t expect to get my period this month. And I had also just gotten that stupid birth control shot. You know...the �just in case I decide to use my freakin� vagina� shot. I thought maybe that would make some kind of difference since last time I stopped the blood flow thing was also last time I had gotten birth control and I thought there was some kind of tenuous connection.

W.R.O.N.G.

So here is the official wittykitty menstrual calendar of events (and I�m sure you�re all waiting breathlessly, right?).

Wednesday, July 21: Oh shit. I guess I�m getting a period this month.

Thursday, July 22: My all day trip with Married Guy to the mountains. See, now you know why I needed to stop at 27 bathrooms along the way.

Friday, July 23: Yeah, yeah, yeah, still bleeding like a stuck pig.

Saturday, July 24: Yup. Still there.

Sunday, July 25: Hey, this is weird. I usually only get three day periods.

Monday, July 26: Stupid girl body, stop that. You�re getting on my nerves.

Tuesday, July 27: WTF, you�re really starting to annoy me. Why am I still bleeding?

Wednesday, July 28: I really want to wear my summer dress with no panties to my drawing class, but I�m bleeding like a freakin� car accident victim.

Thursday, July 29: It�s hot, its humid, I�m homicidal, and I have this thick cotton thing between my legs. FUCK.

Friday, July 30: I must have cancer. I must. Why am I still bleeding?

Saturday, July 31: Our father who art in heaven....

Sunday, August 1: Should I be writing my last will and testament? �A� forget about that appointment you canceled on me. I guess I won�t be needing it. Married Guy, I love you. I wish we could have �done it� at least once. Two hot tempered Irish people writhing passionately between the sheets, on top of the sheets, in the shower, on the kitchen table, under the kitchen table, on top of the washing machine during the spin cycle, in your wife�s SUV, hashing out all our buried anger in hot, passionate lovemaking. It would have been great.

Monday, August 2: Getting ready for an appointment with my case manager. Still bleeding. Guess I�ll just have to call a doctor today, although I lost my Medicaid because of a screw up with �A�s nitwit billing service. Will have to figure something out. I also have a massage appointment with Married Guy in one week. Its been over one month since I�ve had one. I�ve really missed the touch of his hands on my body. I just hope this bleeding thing has abated by then. I�m feeling so tired and weak. I guess it just could be stress. Please make it stop. Please.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty

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