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2004-09-16 @ 10:43 p.m.
twinkle, twinkle ye of faith, won't you come and be my date

Here is your Aquarius horoscope for Thursday, September 16:

Someone with a delightful twinkle in their eye will be along shortly -- and they'll want a lot more from you than directions. Oh, and you can always offer to show them around personally.

Damn these horoscopes. They are taunting me. Absolutely taunting me.

First of all, meeting someone, would require that I leave me house. Damn.

Then of course, I would actually have to look UP. Damn it all.

And then I would have to actually SAY something. Oh, fuck it, I'm never going to read my horoscope again. Otherwise I might have to actually have a life, and what good would that be? Look at all that I would have to give up.

Vast expanses of extreme loneliness.

Excessive masturbation.

Eating mac and cheese in front of the TV in my underwear.

Flicking gook off my teeth with my dental floss onto the bathroom mirror and not much caring.

Flipping through TV channels so fast that it creates a strobe effect in my living room, and that's my entertainment for the night.

Making friends with a single ant who has lived in my bathroom since July and naming him Homer.

Walking by my cat and telling her "Ha, ha, I'm 5 feet taller than you!"

Excessive masturbation.

Checking my unfiltered e-mail to see how many say SEXUALLY EXPLICIT on them.

Wondering why I still have so many gnats in my house and thinking my Eye-talian landlord may have buried someone in the basement.

Excessive masturbation.

Looking at my calendar, to see where I'm supposed to be, and realizing its empty.

Excessive masturbation

Okay, so this twinkly person I'm supposed to meet shortly... Can we get a little more specific? Because I'd really like to make sure I'm having a good hair day. Do I have to be twinkly too? Man, that's gonna be a tall order. Me being twinkly. I'm more like the antidote to twinkly. I'm more like a subterranean volcano. Kinda ashy, and sullen.

So when I was talking to "A" on Tuesday about how to present myself to potential suitors. He, of course, just went directly to the fact that I needed to get laid and being adorable wasn't really all that important. Huh?

Well allrighty then! Awesome. And then after the meaningless, empty sex?

I guess he didn't exactly understand my question. I want my own honey-bunny. As in someone to love and cherish like Rick and Elsa did in "Casablanca". So I then asked him what movie I should rent that would inspire me into a romantic frame of mind, or what person would be a good role model for me to study. His answer?

Meg Ryan. Meg Ryan? I am so totally not Meg Ryan. If I am anybody in the movies, it might be Julianne Moore in "The Hours" right before she attempts suicide in that hotel room. Whee!

Ok, so maybe I'll just watch my favorite Woody Allen movie "Manhattan" or "When Harry Met Sally" and try to be ready for this twinkly person.

I am going to a hippy/artsy street festival this weekend. A lot of "my" people (hippies, artists, democrats, tarot card readers, belly dancers, yuppies wearing pseudo-tie-dye, etc.) will be congregating in a two block area to watch a short parade, listen to jazz, buy jewelry and sing "Kumbaya". I go every year. Its really the only event I attend in my town, because, dammit, its the only one worth going to.

So is this where I'm going to meet this twinkly little bastard? I mean it's really the only place I'm going this weekend. What should I wear? I don't have any money to go out and buy a pretty for myself.

Its funny, the group leader of my survivor group is always telling me "You look really good for having to buy your clothes at garage sales." And I'm, thanks, I think. Yay me?

There are a lot of interesting people at the street fair though. I will be stopping by my figure drawing booth. And I actually know what time my elusive potential art class husband #2 is drawing at. Should I even bother with him? He's not much of a twinkler it seems.

Charlemagne the Obnoxious French Guy is going to be there a couple of hours later. He is definitely a twinkler. And a twinkie! But he's also a bad boy, witty! I've been warned by two people about him. I've never gone for the Bad Boy type. I've always gone for the Nice Guy. Always. And I've never been unhappy with my choices, just never successful.

So yes, I will be stopping by the booth when he's there.

Hey, he called my art cool. What can I say? I totally fell for it, even though I knew it was a line. I am girl. I fall for lines sometimes.

So I'll just have to make sure I keep looking up for the REAL guy with the twinkly eyes. I just hope, with all that twinkling going on, he freakin' sees me.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty