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2004-10-28 @ 1:40 a.m.
the amazing ms. limpet goes to BOO-tacular

I went down to my case management place this morning to pick up my check for the YWCA and got some really unexpected greetings. Everyone I ran into, including my case manager, the head of the whole department, the receptionist, another team member who had gone to court with me once, all enthusiastically welcomed me to their place of employment. At first I had just shyly told the receptionist, who I’m friendly with, about my new job. But then she told me that my name had been on a memo that I had been hired, and then the reception area was suddenly filled with people congratulating me. It was very disconcerting. And it really didn’t hit me, until I was walking back to the parking lot with my case manager (she was on the way to somewhere), and I said I was really nervous, and she said, “I was really nervous the first day I worked here too.”

I’m going to be working THERE next Monday. Whoa! I guess the phone call last Monday hadn’t really seemed real. I guess with all the other crap that has been going on, it just seemed like a random comment from a random person during a random phone converation. I guess its been so long since I’ve actually had somebody say “You’re hired”, that it hadn’t seemed real. What had been weird in July when I got that nanny job, was that the guy had NEVER said, “You’re hired.” He had always been vague, like, you’re coming over Sunday, right? I had always felt frustrated and really wanted to hear those two very special words “You’re hired”. But I guess not hearing them turned out to be somewhat fortuitous.

After that I went home and had lunch and watched a video called “A Beginner’s Guide to Drawing”. I had thought it would just be one of those dull instructional videos you find at the library taught by someone who has the camera presence of a cucumber. But this one, despite some boring narration, was pretty good. And I did learn some stuff and even heard about a process called a wash, which I might try sometime. Its running a wet paint brush over an ink drawing (which I do) and making it look more like a painting.

After that I was all artsy-fied and wanted to do something creative. I knew the BOO-tacular was in about 4 hours, so I get this very, very strange notion, even for me, to make a plaster cast of my nipples and then fill it in with some kind of material and make myself permanently erect nipples. It was really something I was going to do for my art class tonight. Walk around like Barbarella with enormous nipples. Ha! Yeah, I need therapy.

So I started trying to think of ways I could do all this without leaving my house. Could I make a plaster cast out of oatmeal? I could just see slathering on big globs of oatmeal on my boobs and blow drying it and then having something go terribly wrong and having to go to the emergency room so they could buzzsaw them off. How could I explain that? Oh...I was making a plaster cast of my (cough) nipples.

It soon became apparent however, that oatmeal wouldn’t work and I’d probably smell like Sunday morning at Denney’s, so I set out in search of something that was already made. Something I could just attached. So I cut out some styrofoam pieces which had sticky backing and stuck them on. Initially they looked pretty good, but within minutes I looked down, and strangely one of them had dislodged themselves under my sports bra and traveled slightly to the left so now I had three nipples. Yikes!

I tried other things. Toothpaste caps (too big, I’d look like Farrah Fawcett), fantasizing about James Spader spanking me (too hard when I had to be occupied with other things like walking and drawing). I then started looking through my junk drawer when I found the most interesting thing. Limpet shells from when I used to walk on the beach in California. They are small. They possess a cone like shaped, which both hug your nipple for a secure fit, and are also perfectly shaped for nipple deception. Voila! A Halloween costume for an old lady with little boobs. They may be little, but oh, they were so perfectly shaped and perky. So I wore my limpets to the BOO-tacular tonight, and I’m sure nobody everybody noticed. Ha!

So was that the weirdest wittykitty adventure yet? Yeah, I aim to please. Or at least poke your eye out with my limpets.

So I got to my BOO-tacular art class very, very early since I had heard it was usually very, very crowded. But guess what? It really wasn’t. We had maybe 25 people. Which was just slightly more than usual. But our lovely host Johnson, was dressed up like a hippie pirate, complete with love beads woven into his beard and eye liner like Johnny Depp in “Pirates of the Caribbean”. First thing I said to him was “ARGHH!!” and he said, “ARGHHHH!”, because, that’s what pirates say to each other.

I had thought about dressing up....I mean beyond the limpets thing, but I didn’t. But a few people did. Mostly the men. One guy was dressed as Sherlock Holmes. Another guy had a tie dye design pinned to his shirt. And later he put a box on his head. All four sides of the box had a face painted on it with different expressions. At first I thought he was a bipolar with multiple personalities, but then I finally realized who he was. He was playing our Host Johnson who usually wears tie dye shirts, and the face drawn on the spinning box was actually that of our lovely host. It took me a while though.

But the more fun part was that masks were given out to everyone when we came in. There were masks of all kinds. Plastic ones like you wore when you were a kid. Ones with shiny tassels sprouting out of the top. Half masks. All white masks like in “Phantom of the Opera”. And then there were sequined and feathered masks. Naturally I went for the high drama one. Sequins all the way baby. And it had to be girly too. With butterflies and pink sequins!

At break we gathered on the stage, all gussied up with our strange and unusual masks, as well as a few unusual props, namely an actual skull and a three foot high plastic rat we nicknamed A-Rod. “J”, my original potential art class husband who turned out to be married, held the skull and me and the older hippy chick stuck our fingers in its mouth and pretended like it was Dawn of the Dead and we were getting our fingers gnawed off for the photo. Yeah, we’re weird, no doubt. Johnson took about 5 photos. I was in the front row. Hopefully I won’t wash out too much, since I’m so pale and ghostlike, anyways. I was next to the nude model.

We had one of our better models. Our witch. She’s very calm and peaceful and can hold poses forever. She also has an interesting body (read: not skinny) and doesn’t feel the need to do Olympic gymnastic poses, in order to be interesting. I talked to her briefly. I thought I would impress her with the fact that tonight was going to be a lunar moon. I’m sure that has some baring on witches. She seemed really interested in that. I thought maybe in return for that information, she could make me a voodoo doll of Married Guy or something. But I didn’t ask. She was pretty busy.

We did have some really excellent food at our break. “C”, our resident expert at weird and obscure music from the 1920s-2000’s, brought in his vast collection of Halloween related music. Some of it is so strange in terms of bizarre lyrics, that it had us cracking up. He also brought quite a nice spread of food. He brought what looked like home made banana nut bread, and that is like my second favorite food in the universe. Boy, was that good! I also got a free shirt with our class’ logo for 2004. And for Halloween, Johnson gave everyone a keychain with a skull on it. Whee!

Strangely enough, our last pose of the night, was fully clothed, which is unusual for a nude drawing class, but our model had brought some costumes and props and other stuff from her witchdom, so she was dressed up in a blue velvet cape and had a Harry Pottter hat and was holding a skull in one hand and a broom in the other, you know, like any good witch would during a lunar eclipse, just days before Halloween. I had to move my desk because I couldn’t see her face initially, but it was a good pose and I think I got a good image.

Afterwards she came over and was very excited to see my picture. I tried to restrain myself from saying something stupid like, “no, it really isn’t very good.” Because I was actually fairly pleased with it. I actually thought it looked a little like Hermoine in “Potter”. She did too, but probably because of the hat. And then “J” came over and complimented me too.

My gosh, many more compliments and my head will be so big I won’t be able to leave the building. So I just graciously thanked them. (The drawing video I had watched earlier in the day, had said to do just that. Don’t argue with people complimenting you. Just say thank you.)

So I guess this is as good a time as any. My Gold Membership is running out in a couple of weeks. When it runs out, there will be no more pictures. If you are interested in continuing to see my artwork and kitty pictures, you might want to consider possibly giving me a gift of the Gold. You can just do the three month one if you want. It really doesn’t matter. Its up to you. Its just that buying a Gold Membership is pretty low on my list. Food, gas and a three month late electric bill have first priority when I get my first paycheck sometime in November. So thanks for reading, and now I think its time to de-suction the limpets. Yeah, baby!

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty