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2004-11-06 @ 1:58 a.m.
a survey with 20 incredibly fascinating questions which will either make you think or give you a headache

Here is my very first survey. And I promise not to ask you what kind of tree you’d be, if you could be a tree.
1. How did you come up with your fake diaryland moniker?: awittykitty. I like prepositions. I like cats. I am under the delusion that I’m witty. Voila!

2. Where were you born?: Well, my mother would never actually tell me. She used to tell me she picked me off a mango tree in our back yard.

3. Which kid were you in kindergarten?: The one who used to run around with a stick making slashing motions yelling “I’m Zorro!!” I also used to sing the theme song from the “Mighty Mouse” cartoon alot. “Here I come to save the day!!” Other children were afraid of me.

4. Ever do anything worth putting in the year book in high school?: It didn’t make the yearbook, but once at a school dance my music teacher, who I had a crush on (he was an Aries who used to flirt with me), drove into the cafeteria on a motorcycle dressed like Brando in ‘The Wild One”. Everyone was cheering because it was so fucking cool having a big Harley in the school cafeteria. I was standing nearby. He motioned to me, and I was like WTF. No. No way!! But then, of course, because I secretly liked attention, I went and got on the back of his motorcycle. The plan was to drive the motorcycle to the doorway and then I would get off. Well, the damn Aries wildman decided to keep going at the doorway. So we ripped through the doorway and suddenly we’re speeding off across the school lawn in the dark and then he pops a wheelie. I was screaming and beating on his back and saying “Fuck you Mr. E*****s”. He loved it though. A teenaged girl with their legs wrapped around them on a motorcycle. My coolness factor did go up considerably after that.

5. What were you mainly known in high school for: I was a drama geek. I was in or around all the school plays. I played the piano for all the music groups. I was also on the school newspaper. My first school newspaper job was: (drum roll) Joke Editor. Don’t all newspapers have one of those? They finally let me do something besides jokes and I won Best Feature Writer when I was a senior.

6. What did your parents want you to be when you grew up: My dad wanted me to be a dental hygienist for some reason. But considering what a germ-a-phobe I am, probably not a good idea. My mom? I don’t know what she wanted me to be. If the subject wasn’t about her, we usually had to change it.

7. What did you major in in college?:Journalism. But I had a very wise Journalism teacher. I kept trying to be a reporter, but after about three months she had a little heart to heart with me. She said, “Witty. You’re not a reporter. You’ll never be a reporter. You’re too opinionated and flashy. You should consider editorial writing.” Oh. ok. So I minored in theatre and then put the two together and became an entertainment writer for newspapers.

8. Are there any hobbies you are really good at, that if you were “discovered” you could be freakin’ famous?: Writing. I mean I did write professionally for about 15 years, but it was for small newspapers, and I never sought any larger markets. I also wrote 3 screenplays which weren’t bad. I had interest in one of them. It was for the TV show, “Moonlighting”. I also have a children’s book sitting on my desk. I know I could probably sell it if I was aggressive. I wrote it for “A”s kids about 7 years ago. Its a cute little book. I also used to be very good at photography. I’ve had about 15 photos published and 3 of them have hung in museums.

9. Is there anything that you ever wanted to do but couldn’t because of either shyness or bad timing or lack of opportunity?: I always had a secret hankering to do stand up comedy. I used to see a lot of comedy out in California. I’d see it almost every weekend. I’ve always enjoyed making people laugh and I know I have a good sense of humor. I just never had the confidence to get on stage.

10. What song always makes you happy?: Since I’m a Broadway geek, I’d have to say “Oklahoma”. I also really like “New York, New York”. It must be something about songs with geographical locations in the title.

11. What’s the single best 24 hour period you’ve had in the last 5 years? Definitely the day I went to see my friend “G” down in Manhattan. He gave me a fabulous whirlwind day which included two Broadway shows (“Hairspray” and his show), dinner at a famous theatrical restaurant (sorry “G”, I can’t remember its name), a boat trip over from Staten Island where I got to see the Statue of Liberty, my first solo trip on a subway, walking like 30 blocks after midnight and seeing sites like the Plaza Hotel, Central Park, the United Nations and then eventually the inside of a stinky NYC cab. The best part was when he took me to the film location where Woody Allen tells Diane Keaton he loves her in “Annie Hall”. That was so incredibly sweet and romantic. Can we do that again sometime “G”?

12. Ever been in a movie or on TV or been part of a national scandal? No national scandals...yet. I was on the Merv Griffin Show when I was 17. Its too embarrassing to explain why. But I did square dance with the Hagar Twins (country western singers from the 1970s). Aren’t you impressed? Or just happy you aren’t me.

I have also been in several movies. My first was a Disney movie called, “The Healers”. I played an Amish chick. Typecasting, for sure. Then a movie with Henry Winkler (who was really big as The Fonz right then) and Sally Field and a virtually unknown Harrison Ford, called “Heroes”. I played a “crowd”. I skipped school that day and then was interviewed by the local newspaper thus confirming that fact. Whoops! Next was “The Serial” starring Martin Mull and Sally Kellerman. I won a contest in the San Francisco Examiner Pie in the Sky Contest. You could ask to do anything you wanted to do. One woman wanted to have lunch with a certain gay San Francisco society guy and his yorkie dog. Another woman wanted to wrestle with someone in a pool full of jello. I won the contest by writing my request to be in a movie which was going to be filming in Marin County. I wrote it in Marin-speak, which is a bit like Valley Girl talk. I guess I nailed it because they had almost 10,000 entries and only 5 winners. So not only did I get to be in the movie, but they also wrote an article about me in the newspaper.

My next film was an Alfred Hitchcock remake of “Shadow of a Doubt”, starring Mark Harmon. I enjoyed that one because I got to dress up in vintage clothes from the 1940’s. Of all my films, that was the only one I was ever visible in, dammit! My most fun film though, and probably the only one you’ve ever heard of was Whoopi Goldberg’s big hit, “Sister Act”. We shot the scene in a huge church down in San Francisco. It was the final scene in the movie where Whoopi is whooping it up for the Pope with some Motown tunes, and the Churchly audience is supposed to be rocking out along with her and the nuns. That was actually a lot of fun. It took about 12 hours to shoot, but Whoopi was very entertaining between scenes and kept the energy up for everyone. I was in the front row on the right side. Did ya see me?

13. Ever met any celebrities?: Aren’t you paying attention? Yeah I’ve met scads of them. The person I’ve seen the most though was Robin Williams. He lived near me in Sonoma County. I waited on him once at Macys. I’ve seen him in concert about 5-6 times. I’ve met him at the stage door several times. The surprising thing about Robin in person though is that he’s very shy and retiring. Yeah. Hard to believe, huh? Not like in concert when he once grabbed my camera with the large zoom lens and stuck it down his pants and pretended to click off a few shots and then wondered aloud what the photo clerk down at the photo lab would think when she developed the film....”My God...its a huge throbbing python of love...”

14. What is your biggest regret?: Writing my Dad a letter about the fact that his wife, the Filipino Mail Order Whore, was stealing him blind. And him not believing me. And me taking it personally. And me not fixing things before she took him to the Philippines where I never saw him again. Lesson learned, and rather amazingly, I just learned it again with Married Guy recently: Thou shalt not say anything bad about thy father/friend’s wifie (even if its true). I only hope if I ever get married, my husband will be so vigilant and protective of me.

15: What is something somebody has taught you either on purpose or inadvertently about life: I absolutely hate confronting anyone in person about anything. This problem has literally ruined my life. (See #14.) But I have this crazy shrink named “A”, ya see. He irritates the hell out of me at least once a month. We’ve been together over 8 years now. I used to not be able to say anything to him, but this summer, for the first time, I confronted him angrily about hanging up on me (and you know you did “A”). I was furious. I was actually angry about other stuff too ((cough)the nanny guy situation). I don’t think he particularly liked me yelling at him, but after I did it, I realized he was still standing there and he hadn’t abandoned me, which is what I thought happened after you confronted someone and yelled at them. And suddenly all the anger I had been carrying around with me for weeks surprisingly evaporated. And since then I have been able to call him on several things. I still find him irritating to argue with, because he won’t admit defeat (damn Aries), but at least I know I can say what I think, and we’re still compadres. And that was quite an amazing discovery. Thanks “A”.

16. What is/are your best physical attribute?: Without a doubt, my toes. I’ve seen a lot of women with those long, skinny irregularly shaped bony things sticking out at odd angles. Well, my toes are perfectly shaped and lovely and I love to gaze at them.

17. Who are your favorite artists? Jackson Pollock, Miro, Kandinski, Diego Rivera, Edward Gorey. I also like photographers: Diane Arbus, Annie Leibowitz.

18: What is the most frightened you have ever been? I was getting my hair dyed at a beauty salon and I had an allergic reaction to the dye. They had just applied the dye and suddenly I started noticing that my face was turning gray. And then I had a mother of a panic attack. I told some woman next to call 911 because I couldn’t breathe. The EMTs were there in about 4-5 minutes and they had to physically carry me over to the sink and get the dye off my hair but I was vomiting and hyperventilating and nearly fainting all simultaneously. I ended up in the ER and was off work for about 4 days with blinding headaches. I never knew what the hell happened to me. Maybe that’s what made me bipolar.

19. What’s your idea for a reality television show?: You put a camera on George Bush’s head and ummm....

20. What is the most unusual pet you’d ever had? We’ve always had a lot of pets in our house. My mom actually treated our pets better than her kids. Besides the usual cats and dogs, we had bunnies, hamsters, fish, turtles, frogs, snakes, salamanders, macaws and oh... coatimundis. Didn’t everyone have coatimundis?

We also used to feed raccoons in our living room. Umm. Yeah. We were a little weird.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty