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2004-11-23 @ 8:43 p.m.
keith richards, babyman and hyperboy

Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, November 23:
Even if you'd planned on relaxing tonight, you might just as well forget about it. You'll be restless, impatient and willing to take big chances. Careful, though. You may feel like an immortal, but you're still human.

What? I'm still human? And here I thought I was a large breasted fem-bot with perfectly tweezed eyebrows and a perfectly shaped ass. How disappointing.

I did take a big chance today though. Entering a grocery store two days before Thanksgiving. My God it was like watching all the yuppies preparing for the apocalypse. People were lined up at the meat department getting turkeys. Baskets were overflowing with stuffing, wine, dinner rolls, wine, cans of pumpkin, wine, pie crusts, cranberries, did I mention wine? I guess once everyone clogs their arteries Thursday, they're going to drink themselves into a coma.

People were also in the garden center for some reason, snapping up overwrought floral centerpieces for their tables. My question is...why buy a $40. floral arrangement with orange flowers and tacky turkey decor, when your main objective on Thanksgiving is to watch college football and eat yourself into oblivion? Who are you trying to impress? Martha? Martha Stewart's in prison, ya know. She's not going to be there to validate your good taste. She's probably busy teaching her new cellmate, Butch how to fold napkins anyways.

I guess I just don't understand the whole hustle bustle over a meal which is only going to last 10-15 minutes. I mean look at all the preparation that goes into it. My stepfather, who was a big macho Norwegian, used to cook our Thanksgiving meals when I was a teenager. He started several days in advance, baking elaborate pies and Norwegian desserts. And then on T-Day, he would be up at like 7 a.m., basting the turkey, making huge bowls of stuffing and mashed potatoes. He wouldn't even let my mother in the kitchen. And I had no interest whatsoever in cooking. I still don't. Unless I can nuke it in a microwave or cook it briefly in a pan. fuhgeddabout-it.

But "S" would probably put about 7-10 hours into preparing our Thanksgiving dinner. Sure, he grumbled, but I think he secretly enjoyed it. It was, virtually, the only thing he enjoyed during his marriage to my mother. And then it would be served and we would rip through it in like 15 minutes. And then we would all have to sit around and look at each other. A crazy mother. A shy bipolar girl. And a grumpy Norwegian who wouldn't talk. Yay! Holidays! This is fun!

I will be going to my uncle's house on Thursday. This will be my second Thanksgiving meal in a week. I was at my aunt's house last week. My uncle's this week. I'm always up for a free meal where I don't have to do dishes. I really don't mind double turkey though. I don't get to see this uncle very often. He's my funny uncle. (hey, I had to get my funny DNA from somewhere). He's the one who surfed on an imaginary surfboard to the theme of "Hawaii Five-O" at his son's wedding last year. And he wasn't even drunk. Just goofy.

So today was another training. Its funny...I go to these trainings for an hour and a half and then when I come out I can't really remember what they were about. It's not like I'm learning something tangible like data entry or how to use a cash register. It's all about human nature.

But at least today, it wasn't quite so Zen-like or granola brainy. My CO-members are an interesting bunch though. All men. I had been training with the one guy who was hired with me. He's a nice young man. Yesterday we added three new men. And since this agency hires people like me (nutty-types), I guess its safe to say, the three new ones certainly fit the criteria. Of course the training I'm receiving is trying to retrain our perceptions of people with mental illness (i.e., they're not bad, they're just different). Unfortunately though, when certain people sit next to you, certain involuntary prejudices just sort of leap out. I can't help it. Sorry. I guess I haven't been desensitized to their "uniqueness" yet.

So our new additions were making me nervous today. One guy looks like he has had a similar life to Keith Richards, except without the girls or money (read: drug abuse). Another was very hyper and excitable, like perhaps someone who might start jump out into a drunken brawl at a dive bar. And the last one appeared to be very damaged by drug or alcohol abuse and was very childlike, but I wouldn't want to see him drunk. And there I was, sitting in the middle of them, wishing I was next to my usual coworker "J" with whom I am very comfortable with. I like to tease him. He looks like the guy in the "Subway" commercial who lost all the weight.

Anyways our trainer is getting more and more strict about talking and paying attention. The childlike guy will just start talking about random shit, which will prompt a sharp retort from our trainer. The Keith Richards guy, who I guess has pegged me as a hippie or natural type, tried to talk to me during the class, showing me a book about "Runes". He thought I would be interested in that and she yelled at him. What are Runes?

And then we had to do role plays. Yikes. Not that I don't know how to do them. I do them with "A". Of course ours usually have to do with anger and sometimes involve hitting things with pillows. And I usually nearly end up needing CPR afterwards, since they're so intense. Right "A"?

But today I was more worried about being paired up with Keith Richards or Babyman or Hyper Boy, but I got Keith Richards. Yippee! Our leader handed him a piece of yellow paper with some writing on it and gave us five minutes. Well, the poor guy was unable to do anything. He kept nervously looking down at the paper and saying, "I can't do this. I don't know what to do." And I didn't understand what the role play was about, since I was supposed to take my lead from him. So I just started asking him what was up, and he was practically having a breakdown saying, "I can't do this".

Well, this is going well.

I was also a little perturbed, not at him, but that I wasn't given more information. And this went on for 5 torturous minutes. And I felt really awkward too since fuck, what the hell am I supposed to do? Offer him comfort? Talk to him like he's my new best friend? Ask him about Runes? What??

It finally ended and she asked how it felt. Hellish? And then she wouldn't let us see what was written on the paper, but from what I could gather, the intention of the role play was that the lead guy was supposed to dominate the conversation, making me feel invisible. Oh....sorta like my mother. But I didn't get the gist of that since my guy wasn't talking or dominating.

And then we did a second role play. Fortunately I was hooked up with "J" and I got to take the lead in this one. Idea: I was to remain silent to the person next to me. Well, that was pretty damn easy for me. I don't generally talk to anyone except "A" and my mother, so poor "J" who of course didn't know what the role play was about, had to keep talking and I would just nod my head and act indifferent and say yeah once in a while. Sorta like I am anyways. I actually felt like I was "acting" though, which was kinda cool, because I was really getting under "J"s skin. I could tell. I was actually starting to feel guilty about it.

And the winner for the Best Actress in a Featured Role Play: wittykitty

"I'd like to thank all the people who voted for me in the Academy..."


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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty