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2005-02-26 @ 1:26 a.m.
y e a r b o o k

My good buddy Gergsy gave me a most intriguing idea after reading his latest entry. In it, he went through all the comments people have left about him on their favorites page. His legion of fans are many, but it was interesting in the way it reminded me of the kind of things people used to write in my high school yearbook...the “You’re so funny”, “what a nice girl” (no Gergsy, I don’t think they wrote that in your yearbook, since you’re obviously such a cute studmuffin). Well, I’m too damn lazy to go through all my diaryland comments. They are great, one and all, and I really appreciate them, but I decided to dig out my high school yearbooks. I think they were typeset by Shakespeare’s great grandmother, because they’re that old, like say 1972-1976. But what a great blast from the past.

So you know the “That 70’s Show” with Ashton Kutcher? That’s pretty much how my high school year book looks. Almost all of the boys have long hair and are wearing corduroy pants with big belt buckles. The girls all have either long straight hair or Farrah Fawcett haircuts and are either dressed in short skirts or jeans with halter tops. I was somewhere in the middle. I was never particularly trendy. I wore a lot of silver and turquoise jewelry and was pretty much an archetypal 1970’s hippie girl.

But in the interest of searching out comments from my classmates, I was able to find 3 of my 4 yearbooks, which is pretty damn amazing considering how many times I have moved (probably about 28 times).

Here is one of them. I always referred to this edition of my yearbook as the Bird Poop Book, because it looked like a seagull flew over and pooped on it.

See what I mean?

But onward to the many kind comments in my high school yearbook:

“Hope you see a lot of good movies and met a lot of groovy people who are the right zodiac sign.” - Jim
Met? Jim was the editor of our newspaper. More on him later.

“To the greatest piano player in the whole wide world! See you in study hall.” -Nancy
Yes Nancy. Its true. I AM, the greatest piano player in the whole world, which might explain my absence in study hall. I’ve been on tour with the London Philharmonic. Thanks.

“Witty, you play the piano pretty good. Hope to here you again.” -Vickie.
Pretty good? Vickie, Vickie, Vickie, didn’t you hear about my Philharmonic gig? And the word is “HEAR” not “HERE”. Thanks.

“As a fellow piano player to another -- you have a nice body!!!!! - Love, Mike
Mike, had I known that you would be the only person in my entire life to tell me I have a nice body I would have married you. Or at least scored under the bleachers.

“Keep up your ice skating. Love, Neil” - Neil
Ummm, Neil, I have never ice skated in my entire life, but thanks.

“I know that you think I was trying to do something to you when I wasn’t. I just want to be friends (can you already tell this is from a guy?) Anyways, have fun and be good. Love always, Larry.
Yes Larry, I did kinda, sorta think you were doing something when you smooshed me up onto the fender of a car and performed liposuction on my tonsils. You were the first guy who ever kissed me. Unfortunately I didn’t know you. You were a jock. I was a music department geek. It all just took me by surprise when you grabbed me by the hand at a party and then asked for a “gift” from me. A gift? You mean like my virginity? But I guess it didn’t quite work out, because you weren’t my type. So goodbye Larry, see ya at Denney’s where you now work as a fry cook.

“Witty, I missed you in World History last Wednesday. Where were you? Love, Greg B.”
I wasn’t in his World History class... heh, heh...because I wasn't actually in the class. I was stalking him. I was totally in love with Greg B. because he was totally irreverent and witty and I used to follow him around and peek into classrooms where he was studying. But whoops, I guess I didn’t realize he knew I was stalking him. Gah. How embarrassing. Incidentally, his name showed up on the credits of a very popular TV show in the 1980’s as a producer and I always wondered if it was him. See, I could have been living The Life in L.A. if I had just stalked him a little faster.

“Marvy-witty, Wittycakes. If a molecule was an inch in diameter a grapefruit would be the size of the earth. By the way, how can you review all those movies without going blind or deef? A happy note for the future: Give Up!” - Paul
Paul was a teacher. Thanks for the inspiring message, Paul. Didn’t you get busted for drugs shortly after that?Love, witty.

“Witty, it was “interesting” talking to you in guitar (ha! Me attempting to play the guitar). I hope that you get over your “emotional problem” (a boy, what else could it be in high school?) and have a “fun” summer with “^&$#)” Don’t smoke any “wooden” doobies. Love, Debbie” - Debbie
You do love your “Quotation” marks don’t you? Why so “many”? Yes, it was always interesting to talk to me. I am the witty after all. As far as the emotional problem...he turned out to be gay. The wooden doobies? Well, I don’t think I ever smoked a wooden doobie. Just your basic, home grown back yard pot which was so prevalent at our high school.

“Have a super far-out summer. You’re a right-on person, so stay that way. - Kim
Kim. Can I get some of what you’re smoking?

“Witty, You’re a cosmic person - so stay cool! - Mayo”
And some of that too.

“You play the piano good and have a pretty smile. Have a good summer and stay skinny” - Annette
Stay skinny? As in implying, that perhaps I wasn’t to begin with? We all can’t be blonde cheerleaders like you, ya know. Why did I even ask you to sign my yearbook? ...bitch. Oh, but thanks for saying I play the piano good (although shouldn’t that be “well”) and that I have a pretty smile. Were you a closet lesbian?

“Even though you’re a sophomore, you’re a dynamic person. Love, Steven”
And being a sophomore, precludes you from being dynamic? Steven was my gay boyfriend, by the way. One of them at least.

“Let me be the first person to sign your crack. - Robert”
Heh, heh. Oh Robert. You wish, geek boy. What he was actually referring to was the fact that he scoonched his pen into where the yearbook pages met the spine of the book. Of course I returned the favor by signing his yearbook with something to the effect of “We had a really good time in the back seat of the car.” We never did anything except ride in someone’s car to a tennis court. But I’m sure he was very excited to have a babe like me, signing his yearbook in such a suggestive manner. He probably even whacked off to it, if I remember him correctly. Tall, gangly. Blonde. Glasses with tape in the middle. But at least I made him happy, even if only in print.

Incidentally, while looking at my 1970’s yearbooks, I have been listening to “The Best of Barry Manilow” CD my friend sent me for my birthday. Nothing like “Mandy”, “Looks like We Made it” and “Could it be Magic” to get into that 70’s frame of mind. I remember playing “Weekend in New England” at a concert in high school. How cool am I?”

And then there was this from my best friend. Her birthday is on March 1st. We’re born two weeks apart and evidently I was a bad influence.

Is that not alarming? Me? With “Dirtiest” underlined? I am so traumatized. I just can’t imagine such a thing. But I guess its okay because we’ve been best friends for over 30 years. And we couldn’t have been more different in high school. She was the school mascot, and Class President, and a sports stat girl for the basketball team.

We had a basketball team?

Me on the other hand, was very anti-establishment and hung out with kids in the music department. My favorite passtime was making fun of cheerleaders and never attending a single sporting event the entire time I went to school. When I wasn’t playing music, I was probably hanging out at the school newspaper. I was kind of a secret celebrity on the school newspaper.

See how smug I look (I’m the last one on the left). I wrote the wildly popular Mellow Molly advice column, although nobody knew it except for the editor, Jim, who was madly in love with me. I loved being Mellow Molly though. Kids would write in with problems and I’d write back strange things like “Hack up an alligator and make spaghetti sauce, it’ll make you feel better.” Everyone wanted their problems solved by Mellow Molly. I guess I was just being bratty. Oh well. Bygones. heh!

So, I would love to hear what people wrote in your yearbooks. And be honest now. Every single quote I used, was typed exactly as it was written in my various yearbooks. I wasn’t a hugely popular kid in high school, but I did have a yearbook full of signatures. I think I actually went around begging random people to sign my yearbook, because I was such a geek. I don’t even know who many of these people are now. Of course, that part could just be Alzheimer’s.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty