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2005-05-05 @ 1:35 a.m.
ant suicides, manic girls, screaming cats, its all here....

So I was driving in my car the other day listening to classical music on the radio. I don't usually listen to classical unless I'm manic and needing something to relax me. But suddenly whatever CD was playing down at the radio station got stuck and started repeating this certain passage over and over again. When I went to change the station, I happened to hit a pothole with my car and the CD...down at the radio station...corrected itself simultaneously.

Heh. Yeah, I meant to do that.

Anyways "A" cancelled my appointment this week, and I'm pretty much a raving lunatic. As in manicmanicmanicmanic...Danger Will Robinson. I can always tell when I have a manic episode coming on by how I start behaving. Like I turn the lights out to go to bed, and I'm still talking.

To who witty? one.

I just carry on expansive conversations about all the things that are pissing me off with my own best friend....ME. I mean, it could be worse. I could just be out on the street doing that. But instead I'm walking around my apartment checking things like the mass ant suicide in my bathtub.

Every morning for the last three, I have gone into my bathroom and found like 300 ants lying dead around the drain wondering, WTF? Was it like a suicide pact? Did they get tired of listening to me play "A Chorus Line" 350 times in a row on the piano because I'm manic? "A Chorus Line" is actually a pretty good show for ants...especially since they're so good at lining up in a straight chorus line.

I'm actually kind of baffled by the ant thing. I've never had an ant problem since I've lived here. I've always shared my apartment with exactly one ant...Artemus. He lives in my bathroom. Once in a while he'll have a friend over, but we basically co-exist rather well, despite our size differential. And fortunately, thus far I have never stepped on him. But suddenly I've been invaded in both the bathroom and this morning in the kitchen sink with ants. And my dishes had been washed (for once). And the sink was clean. Go figure!

I don't like it though. The ants either have to kick in some money towards the rent, or they're out of here!!

But I've been ranting talking a lot in the last two days. I need somebody to talk to when I get like this. I'm having feelings for that married man at work. I had to talk to my cranky landlord about getting smoke detectors in order to pass my next Section Eight inspection. I told Grumpy Corleone that I had to sweet talk the inspector out of writing up a minor infraction on the water heater down in the basement and he immediately started yelling at me, telling me there's nothing wrong with anything in the basement, which is pretty much par for our entire relationship thus far. Because virtually every conversation I have ever had with him in the last 18 months has ended with him yelling at me. And thus far I have never done anything that has warranted this kind of behavior. And the worst part is that I have to look at him everytime I stand in my kitchen window. Because he sits in his kitchen chair like 23.5 hours a day. I think his Eye-talian wife props him up there, so he can watch over the back 40 and yell commands at everyone. What a Dickhead.

So I was walking around yesterday mumbling about that.

I did call my Quiet Girl client who has been AWOL for almost two months today. And surprise, when I called at 11 a.m. today for a noon appointment, she said yes. I couldn't believe it. I think my last appointment with her was in late February. My boss had even been thinking of dropping her out of the system since she's been so scarce.

So I went and picked her up and it was the usual barrel of laughs. She basically has a vocabulary of about 3 words. "Yes" "No" "Ok". I try really hard to think of questions that will require her to be a little more verbose, but she always seems to skirt around it, by either staring at me like Bette Davis in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" or just not saying anything. I did manage to get out of her that she wants to move and I don't blame her. She lives in a heavy duty ghetto neighborhood. So I told her about this program which helps people with illness with moving expenses. I didn't get any response as usual, so I just plowed through anyways, cuz, well, you know, that's my job. Plus I know someone at that agency. So I thought I'd go in and drop her name and maybe get some speedy action. yeah right, witty. You're so important!!

So we went there. Used that lady's name and she wasn't there. Gee, that went well. But we were able to talk to the same woman who helped me get funding on my last move and even though the Quiet Girl wouldn't ask any questions, I asked them for her (because, you know, you can't form questions with the words yes, no and ok.) and we were able to get some things rolling. I felt very good about getting her help. I think she felt good even though she didn't say anything. I told her to make sure to follow through, and I would be checking in on her. And I even told her I would go apartment hunting with her since she doesn't have a car. Frankly, I would like to go apartment hunting too.

My apartment is so small. How small is it?? Even the ants are hunchback.....(rimshot).

Well, like last night for instance. I was extremely manic. Doing the self talky thing, so I decided to paint a painting. Smashing idea! The only problem is that I really don't have a place to paint, except a low coffee table with virtually no lighting. Its like doing the Helen Keller Painting Technique. You paint what you THINK might be there rather than what's actually there. See how that works? Plus I have to hunch over it, because the table is so low. And then I have to worry about Guardcat jumping up on the table and making little Rorschach Ink Blotties across the rug. And you know how crazy that would make me....

That one looks like a bowling ball with antlers...

That one looks like Benny Goodman with nipple clamps and a leather riding crop.

Is that Liza Minnelli with a penis?

But I was able to paint a picture. But it was weird. I was sitting, painting on the coffee table, in relative darkness, watching "The Amazing Race". I've got myself vaguely interested in that the last month or so, but since I was painting I wasn't really watching it, and I suddenly realized the entire show, if you're not watching the scenary from around the world consisted entirely of dialogue that went something like this:

"Yeah, baby. That's good. Go baby. Faster. You can do it. "

Or if it was the old fart couple (and I'm sorry, old or not, I found the woman supremely annoying). Their dialogue consisted mainly of: "Oh no. Oh shoot. Oh darn. I can't find the darn clue. Oh shoot. I think we're lost. Oh shoot. Oh darn."

And that was it. I swear to god. I listened to it for an entire hour without looking up, except when they had a clue about finding Three Naked Men. Well, naturally THAT got my attention. Come on. Phhftt! Of course. But then it was just three statues of Austin Powers I think. So I went back to painting.

Anyways, as a salute to my manic state I decided to emulate the famous Edward Meunch painting , "The Scream", except I did from the kitty point of view. Because, of course, I'm the wittykitty. As usual, my damn scanner was too small to handle the entire canvas, so we are missing the bright sunny skyline, the two people walking in the distance and of course, the very thing that the kitty is screaming about, a little tiny MOUSE in the left hand corner. Its very fierce looking mouse indeed, a kind of Mousezilla. But I guess you'll have to wait for my show at MOMA before you get to see the entire image. Anyways without any further ado, presenting "El Gato Le Scream":

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty