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2005-06-14 @ 1:02 a.m.

Guys are so lucky. Why? Well, for one thing they can pee standing up. They don't have to go looking for a bathroom stall like us girls. They can just whip it out anywhere and voila! Instant restroom. I can't tell you how much easier my life would be if I could do that. Hats off to the male anatomy. Great design, God. Although, I do feel I got the raw end of the deal.

I'm also mad that they can legally take off their shirts when its hot. I was just thinking about that the other day. It was hotter than Angelina Jolie's (insert noun), and I had a short sleeved tee-shirt on. I had a tank top in my car trunk, but I had no place to change. Now if I were a guy I could have just whipped off that shirt right then and there in front of the library. Or better yet, just whipped it completely off and walked down the street, bare chested and masculine-like (insert Tim Allen man noises here), with no consequences. But no. I have these mammary appendage thingies. And while in some cultures, it would be perfect acceptable to go commando on top, I am living in a society where if I did that, a trip to jail would be imminent. Right "A"? Ya see, I made an agreement with "A" recently....No public nudity this summer.

Not even a quickie? Like right now? Because its like 150 degrees in my bedroom tonight. And it just rained and how nice would it feel to run outside and roll around naked in the cool, rain soaked grass? You know, kind of summer version of a naked snow angel. But no. I promised.

Snertz! The things I do for my shrink.

I'm actually recovering from a broken heart. I hadn't really wanted to talk about here. I didn't want to jinx it, you see, until I was sure it was the Real Thing. We had been together for about a month and a half now. Yeah! Who knew! I had met him at a nearby town. He wasn't like anyone I had ever met before. And what a flirt! The first time I saw him, he immediately came up to me and was all, woo, HI! Aren't I cute? I think we should get together! He even got physical. He got really close. We touched. And I wasn't even nervous. He was just so easygoing and cute. What a difference from Married Guy. And I knew he was single. WOW! A single guy interested in me. How incredible. I didn't want to tell "A" about him, because I know he'd want me to bring him in and ask him his intentions and probably tell him I was wiggy or something. But I don't think my new friend would have noticed, because he was obviously smitten with me. His name? Mango. Unusual name? Well, yeah, perhaps. That's because we're of different ethnic backgrounds. I'm Irish and he's...well, a Sun Conure. ok, he's a freakin' bird!! Ya, happy???

Yes, a bird. I've been carrying on a relationship with a bird. In a pet shop. For over a month. Sheesh. He was so cute though. And I never even knew that birds flirted. But he sure did. I have been going to this certain pet shop 1-2 times a week to visit Mango since early May. He's not anything I could ever afford to buy since he was almost $600, but we've been having some good times together this last month. But then when I went to see him this weekend he was (sniffle)...GONE. I guess Mango must have been flirting with others too.

Damn men!

I actually had two macaws as a kid. My Dad used to fly to South America when I was little and bring home exotic pets like coatimundis and monkeys and macaws. In those days the rules about bringing animals in from foreign countries was probably almost nonexistent, so my Dad would bring home boxes with some gnarly critter in them from the far reaches of the Amazon River and we'd first let my mom put her hand in the box (heh, heh) to see if it was poisonous or wanted to bite someone and then we'd invite it to live with us, if it was safe. I think that too, is why I like animals and zoos so much. They remind me of all the weird animals I had as a kid.

So I guess, my dear Mango is now giving pleasure to some other woman. Wah!

It was back to work today. And air conditioning. Yay! The girl who I gave the pep talk to about a month ago before her job interview GOT the job and is now my cubical mate. I'm really happy for her. She seems like a really nice girl, and I made her feel as welcome as I could today. I know how scary and overwhelming First Days are. She at least has the advantage of knowing "J" and I from our groups and I can always make her laugh by verbally zapping "J" with my lightening sharp wittykittisms.

After our meeting I really had to do some multitasking. "J" needed me to print up 50 flyers for our July group. Lady O needed help getting into her e-mails and K-T was flummoxed by the fact that you have to dial "9" in order to get an outside line. So I was doing all three things at the same time, as well as finishing up one final project for St@ff D@y which is on Wednesday. Whee! Good thing I'm a manic bipolar, because I had no problem keeping up with three people needing my help simultaneously.

I even made a new cute name plate for my new cubical mate. "J" later walked over and went "Hmmm" how nice that you have a personalized one. I wish I had a personalized one.

He does!! I made a nameplate for him and his three cubical mates about 5 months ago. So I pointed this fact out to him, like "Look. A Personalized name plate, like no one else's in the entire agency." Him: "Oh. I guess you're right. (pause) But it doesn't have kitties like yours."

Oh ferchrissakes!!

So I guess I'll have to make a new one just for him. Earlier we had been discussing the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". I saw it over the weekend. He wants to take his son to see it. I think it might be a little mature for his son, especially the dominatrix scene with Angelina and her whip. So I was trying to explain the scene without getting too raunchy, but soon, the other kid I work with, who looks like the guy from "Subway" commercials was all ga-ga, listening to me talk about Angelina and her whips. Isn't it funny how rapt guys become when you mention Angelina Jolie and whips in the same sentence?


(That's their attention level, by the way, not their weanies.)

Not surprisingly, they were both standing there like I had just given them large bonus checks and winning lottery tickets at the same time...kinda glazed. And I'm sure that, coupled with the intoxicating beauty of wittykitty in her sexy sleeveless tanktop and hair sexed out by the high summer humidity, was just, well, overwhelming for those poor little creatures who stand up to pee.

Ah, summer!

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty