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2005-06-28 @ 4:10 p.m.
screaming meme from tall, dark and handsome

Well, it appears I've been tagged by the darkly handsome and fairly dangerous Klugarsh a.k.a. His Holiness for a game of memes, which was originated by the bold and virile Incredipete, regarding 5 things swirling around in the world which I may find annoying, bogus, pompous, unnecessary and ultimately out of my hands.

Well, practically everything is out of my hands...Johnny Depp, vast supplies of dark chocolate, a 2005 green Passat with air conditioning, a beach house, clothes that make me look thin, world peace, but I thought I'd give it a try. I was a little irked I had to keep the list to 5, especially since I find almost everything annoying, especially today when its almost 100 degrees out and even my chin hairs are sweating, but I'll be good and try to limit it to five.

Stupid Celebrities (cough Tom Cruise) proporting to be experts on things that they are not. Oh, dear, dear, sweet Tom. Reading a couple of books on psychology and then claiming to be some kind of expert... 1) Makes you look nutty 2) Makes you look like YOU need Ritalin 3) Did I mention, makes you look nutty? I just rewatched the movie "Magnolia" and if you get a chance, watch it. You'll see Tommy Boy playing a very angry, crazy character who teaches men to hate and deceive women to get what they want and some of his real life personality traits appear to be on display, and they look just like the Matt Lauer interview. Its really frightening.

Local Car Dealer Ads. Ok, we have this really, really stupid Eye-talian car dealer guy who runs ads 24 hours a day, 125 times an hour on all channels. He is annoying. He has a certain catch-phrase, and all of his commercials revolve around the punchline... which is the word "HUGE". Ever heard anyone make a one syllable word, two syllables? This guy makes it three syllables. He screams it. He shouts it. He rolls around on the ground like he's possessed. He has bobblehead dolls that scream it. He has a massive balloon out in front of his car dealership, which I think farts it. Two summers ago I went to a Fourth of July parade and there was numb nuts walking in the parade and everyone on the parade route was screaming HUUU-UUGE. Its a good thing I don't have an uzi, because things would have gotten ugly...and the headlines would have been HUUUUUUUGEEEEEEEE!!!

Some Reality Shows I'm actually partial to some shows like "Survivor" and "The Apprentive". What I don't like are all the ones dealing with matters of the heart, like "I Want to Marry a Millionaire" and "The Average Joe." They just reek of phoniness. I don't think relationships between people should be taken lightly and how can any relationship develop normally when there are camera crews up your ass 24 hours a day? Relationships are hard enough without the glare of cameras in your face. And have you noticed how few of them actually last once the show ends. Tell you something?

People Who Think They're Something Because They Have Money Am I jealous? Maybe about 1%, but a lot of people think their poop doesn't stink because they have a nice house and a nice car and they can shop till they drop. I remember once in high school some snippy bitch looked over at me and said, "Oh, K-Mart must have had a sale." Hhh-what? In reality, in those days, I was way richer than her. I just didn't run around dressed like Paris Hilton. But did I schmoosh it in her face? Of course not. And I never would. Why would I? Why make someone feel bad about their circumstances? I work with really impoverished people. But would I turn to them and say, "Gee, that shirt looks like even the Salvation Army would reject it." Fuck no. Have a heart people. Just remember, in heaven, there are no rich people.

People Who are Brain Dead Once they Put the Key in their Car Ignition. I am constantly amazed at all the stupid choices people make while they are driving. I admit, once in a while, I do something stupid. Not intentionally. OK, I did lay on my horn an entire mile recently when some guy flipped me off for no apparent reason other than my beauty must have blinded him at the stop sign and he started to go and I went first. But hey, I was PMSing that day. I think the horn blowing for a mile was entirely legitimate. But there are so many other stupid things going on in the streets that I'm amazed that more people aren't killed and maimed. Like stopping at stop signs. HELLOOOO! They're there for a reason. They're not decorative. Tailgating. Yes, I realize, I'm stunning and you want to get a closer look, but if you hit my car, I'll sue your ass for that big ass mansion I've been dreaming of since childhood. Passing on the wrong side. Yes. You are very masculine. And aggressive. Are you Tom Cruise. No? Then get the hell back where you're supposed to be asshat. I just want people to be a little more attentive and nice on the streets where I live, because I have a little car, no air bags and crappy insurance. Thanks!!

Ok, so now I'm supposed to pass this meme onto other folks, but I don't want to put you on the spot, but if you want to do it. Knock your self out. Peace out!

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