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2005-08-28 @ 9:35 p.m.
if it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger AND I'VE GOT PICTURES!!

So I'm walking through the yuppie grocery store today....looking all fabulouso (my poofed up eye is about 90% less poofed today). I see a lovely dark haired, dark eyed man. Our eyes meet. And its electricity I tell you. Instant sparks. Our whole life flashes between us like a single white hot lightening bolt. Weekends in the Hamptons. Picking out our 2006 Tribeca Subaru together. Long passionate nights together between $1000 silk sheets. His and Hers massages in Cancun on the beach. A huge engagement ring. A wedding that would make Celine Dion weep. And then I momentarily looked down in my arms and noticed that I was carrying Kotex panty liners and chocolate, and then when I looked back up, he was gone.

Isn't that always the way?

Anyways, I am still recuperating from what I am now calling "Ouch 2005". My chest pains lasted well into Friday and were pretty significant, but I feel a lot better today, though still very, very tired. I unpacked a few boxes but mostly just lazed around most of the morning listening to the chickadees going chicka-de-de-de-de-de. And that is so much nicer than that infernal air conditioning unit going on and off. I really noticed the silence when I was in bed this morning. And although I can't quite hear the creek from my bedroom, since its on the opposite side of the building, I could hear the breezes rustling through the trees and that was just fine with me.

Also Guardcat is beside herself with *her* new screened in porch. And it is indeed, *her* new porch. Its like a cat bedroom. So I've been leaving the door open overnight since I'm on the second floor and its screened in and she's been zooming in and out like a dragonfly on cocaine. I also walked by the box that my air conditioner came in this morning and I could see this single green glowing coal coming from within the closed up flaps and realized it was Guardcat's eye peering out. I guess she was playing "fort".

Yesterday was pretty busy. I had a party at my boss' house that was way on the other side of town past the fairgrounds. Unfortunately the state fair is in full swing, so I got stuck in all the traffic and my car was acting like a total butthead, bucking and losing power and I was getting really stressed out. But I finally did get to the party and it was okay. It was just my immediate coworkers. I mainly went for the food, like I always do. I'm such a free food slut.

Afterwards I raced (ha! Me racing in MY if) back across town and went to the opening of my art show. I had submitted two pieces. It was a very small gathering...maybe 3-5 people. Our favorite exhibitionist judge/model who likes to walk around nude between poses had shown up to see if there were any drawings of him and naturally there were, because he always does interesting things. I told "L" the hippy chick, I never know what to say to a nude model when I see them clothed in public. Like gee, so that's what you look like with clothes on. But in typical weird fashion, the judge, with his hip gold earring, walked in bare foot. God forbid, he should do anything conventional like actually wear shoes to an art opening. I wondered what it was like driving his Subaru barefoot. Hmmm?

Anyways, this one artist, who I think might possibly have AIDS, did this really outrageous pastel of the judge when he had posed in drag one night about 3 months ago. He had worn a wig, a feather boa, some Dame Edna glasses and that was about it. So this artist had drawn him in "costume" and then had an appreciative audience sitting around him Cabaret style and they included such luminaries are Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, Darth Vader, the king of Saudi Arabia, the Unknown Comic, our Fearless Art Leader Johnson, and some other current conservative political leaders who would never be caught dead watching a naked drag queen with Dame Edna rhinestone glasses on. Hee! Yeah, it was pretty funny. And everytime I went back to look at it, I kept seeing new people, because they were all sitting in a darkened cabaret setting. The Judge guy really liked it, of course, and laughed. This artist had made another really outrageous painting of him for our last show too. Maybe he does them, because he knows the guy has money and might buy them. I'm not really sure.

....artists are such whores....heh! Maybe I should take some lessons.

Anyways, I thought I'd show you my week in pictures. I just got some film developed of my shit-filled fabulous week...although I did skip the puffed up eye thing, because that was just plain evil. So without further ado...The Week In Review...a'la wittykitty.

So, you've heard me bitch, and bitch and bitch about the air conditioning unit next to my bedroom and you're saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's probably 500 feet away, and up on the roof with a 500 foot thick cover over it and she's just being a big, fat, whiny baby. Well, no. I wasn't. The A/C unit from hell was literally 10 feet from my bedroom. It was over 35 years old and it didn't have any cover on it. Can you say: Bah-Bye mutha-fucker...

Fortunately, with a great deal of coddling, I was able to coax my beloved sunflowers to grow and open before I moved. I wuv my sunflowers and I really had a bumper crop this year. Last year I only had two and one got destroyed by an evil squirrel operative, but this year I had about 6-8, with a couple of them growing well over 6 feet tall. I used to go outside every night and water them by hand. I did snap off the largest flower head and brought it with me today to my new apartment. So here are my beloved sunflowers...pretty, huh?

This next picture is of the ever intriguing and fabulous Guardcat waiting to be packed in a Kinko's box. I told her it was a really bad idea, and that she would probably get scared since she's scared of her own tail and jumps in the air if a drop of rain lands on the porch. But she really wanted to be packed with my books. I did have to eventually put my foot down, since I had so many boxes of books I knew I probably wouldn't find her until after Labor Day. So here's my pussy, being a knucklehead....again....

Here are the moving guys trying to figure out how to heft 12000 pounds of piano up a flight of stairs in 90 degree heat without breaking anything. Because why, witty? Did you threaten them with bodily harm? Was that it? And yes, its true, you do look kind of frightening when you're PMSing and its hot and you clean your fingernails with a switchblade just to show you mean business.

But hey, I was doing it for this...

Isn't this a nice peaceful, bucolic view, compared to the A/C unit view? There is a creek under there somewhere and just about 15 feet further is the waterfall that I've been blathering about. It's just about at the point where you walk up the stairs where the guys were bringing the piano up. I love hearing the sound of the rushing water and it will probably be really cool once we have some kind of heavy rain.

And lastly, yours truly, at her art show, in probably the only 1 second span of time this week where I actually smiled. I had asked one of my fellow artist if he would take my photo with my camera and he took two shots and then Johnson our Fearless Art Leader came up and started shooting pictures too and I made a joke that I felt like Angelina Jolie and the paparazzi.

...yeah right witty...and the same svelte figure too.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty