blackbird.jpg (30437 bytes)

2005-10-24 @ 12:30 a.m.
naked pizza

It seems that dear Andrew of Diaryland fame has thrown down a gauntlet for us D'landers to create a survey. And for all those ambitious people who are up for it (read: people who had the most excruciatingly boring, suckiest weekend and have absolutely nothing to write about except that OK, Orlando Bloom was kinda cute in "Elizabethtown" which I saw today. Although I don't know if he'd be willing to do one of those Mrs. Robinson type things, that is, if he's not gay, because he does have my favorite combination: The uber dreamy dark hair, dark eyes thing.

I did also learn today, that "A" has had it wrong all along about where to scope out men. He has always sent me to places like "Barnes and Nobles" to find love among the books. Well today, before the movie, I headed to the Village Hardware Store to get some weather-stripping and My Gawd....MEN EVERYWHERE!!! Holy moly. It was like an interactive version of an L.L. Beane catalogue. Why did I never think of that before? Men. Hardware stores. Its so obvious!

I mean, nearly every corner I turned, there were guys touching and examining tools and they looked oh so serious. Like I wonder if I have this thingamajig in my toolbox at home. And I wonder how much wood it will take to build a doggie gymnasium for my Golden Retriever? And oh, don't those Yankee Candles smell good! Heh. That was me actually. I was in the girlie part of the store, huffing on cinnamon flavored candles trying to get up the courage to pick up like a large wrench and ask some guy what I should do with it. And maybe ask him if he could show me how to handle it. Wink. Wink. Because I sure haven't handled a wrench in a really, really long time....I mean, have I ever? Let me think. Hmmm.

What? What did you think I was talking about?

I did have one guy say HI to me in the paint department. We came around the corner, and I stupidly had about 23 things in my hands including some new fireplace tools, some Yankee Candles, some weather-stripping, some garbage bags, a big slippery roll of plastic for my windows and some kitty stickers. And the aisles were really skinny. And when he came around the corner, and I was juggling all this stuff, I nearly dropped everything. Of course that would have been the very definition of a "Cute meeting"...dropping your fireplace poker on a guy's foot. So we just nearly bumped and he said HI and I said HI and I managed not to drop my fireplace poker on his foot, impaling him.

First rule of hardware store dating: Don't impale your potential husband. That comes later. Like when you get a divorce.

Anyhoo, so if you take my survey, I could possibly win an extension on my Super Gold Membership and you get to continue to see all my incredibly mediocre totally awesome artwork.

And don't forget, I now own a large brass fireplace poker. And I know how to USE it. Just thought I'd mention that, in case you were thinking of skipping out on the survey.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty