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2005-11-12 @ 11:29 p.m.
ya gotta have a gimmick...

Man, my coolness rating just went through the roof yesterday, I tell you. I mean, if the world ended tomorrow, although it would have to be after "Desperate Housewives" because I want to see if that creepy pharmacist guy is going to ask Bree to marry him, I'm fairly certain I'd be right up there with Sting, the Dali Lhama and Angelina Jolie.

Why? Because I stopped at this clothing store yesterday and decided to try on this cute hand knit purple sweater. It was a little wilder and brighter than anything I usually try on, but I was feeling kind of juicy after my (ahem) encounter with produce porn over at the yuppie grocery store, so I went into the women's dressing room, and thankfully it wasn't coed this time. It was just me and this lovely, hand knit purple sweater. So I pulled off the sweater I was wearing. Now don't get to aroused or anything, since I know you all want to see me naked and stuff.

So anyways, suddenly I noticed something rather weird in the mirror. I was missing one of my earrings. Damn! I am so bad about losing my earrings. I have like 3,500 single earrings in my jewelry box and I have no idea where they go. Its like they are all secretly meeting with the lost socks in back of the washer. Or Guardcat is making a huge weapon of mass destruction out on the porch. Or they have all somehow melded together into a huge piece of sculpted art and somehow found their way down to MOMA and I didn't even get any credit. So, needless to say, I'm very protective of my remaining 3 pair of earrings that are actually a complete set.

So I was standing there blankly staring at my nekkid ear thinking, gee, I wonder if my client noticed how stupid I looked today with only one earring? Because I really value trying to look relatively pulled together. My clothes are pretty threadbare, but I try to at least aspire to the avant garde-I-don't-care-I'm-an-artist look, which roughly translated really means, I have to buy food, so clothes mean nothing. So I finally went to grab the sweater off the hook when I noticed something... Something rather odd... Something that strangely, suddenly made me like the coolest person like in the entire Eastern Hemisphere....

I happened to look down, and there...hanging off my purple lace bra, at the very point where, say my nipple might be thrusting forth in a effort to be noticed by a rich single guy who likes neurotic artist chicks, was my earring....just hanging there. It was a long dangly earring, and it was hanging directly off the nipple area. heh. And suddenly I was all...yeah! I meant to do that. And then all I could think was, hey! That kinda looks like a tassel on a stripper's bra! I wonder if I can make it rotate? Well, maybe for a split second. Ya gotta have some fun, right?

Frankly though, I have no idea how my earring got from my ear to being hooked to the nipple area of my bra. And of course when something like that happens, I always like to blame it on alien abductions. Yup. I must have been abducted by aliens, and when they did one of their evil alien abduction probing thingies, they must have just forgot to put my earring back in the right place. Yeah, that's it.

In other news, today when I went for a walk out at Blue Lakes, I was walking by a mother with a 4 year old kid in a stroller. Just when I was walking by, the mother was telling the kid, "No honey, we can't call our puppy, Jesus." Tis a shame, because can you imagine paper training Jesus?

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty