blackbird.jpg (30437 bytes)

2005-12-17 @ 7:34 p.m.
witty the spy sneaks around and nearly gets caught

We had our holiday office party on Friday. It wasn't really what you would call a true office party, where people are making out in closets or drinking spiked egg nog in the xerox room and then making copies of their asses, it was more a party for the clients we serve. In other words, we did all the work and they had all the fun and got all the presents. Yay! Of course, I'm not really sure how much fun, heavily sedated people can have. Ok, they were not all sedated. Some of US, needed to be sedated perhaps.

Re: Holiday Party
Next year, if you still work there and they ask you what you want to bring to the frickin' holiday party, don't say 40 cans of soda. Thanks.

I don't know what the hell I was thinking, offering to basically bring three 3 dozen cans of soda, but would somebody please hit me in the head with a shovel? It probably wouldn't have been so bad if I lived say, in Florida, and just left all the sodas in my car, but no, I live about 3 miles from the North frickin' Pole and I didn't want to leave them in my car overnight in case they exploded. So up the two flights of stairs to my apartment. And then we got a big ice storm Thursday night, which coated everything with about 2 inches of ice. And then 8 inches of snow overnight into Friday morning. Now was I going to drive my piece of crap car in these terrible driving conditions? Hell no. So I got up early and packed 2 dozen soda cans into cloth sacks (3 dozen was just too heavy) and trudged two blocks down to the bus. None of the roads had been plowed yet, plus it was blizzard conditions, plus do you know how fucking heavy 24 cans of sodas get after 2 blocks? Whee!

So I got to the bus stop about 4 minutes before its due, but you know what? Suddenly I see it roaring UP the hill in the opposite in, it hadn't even been out to the next village yet. Had I known that I would have caught it on THAT side of the road rather than standing in a feckin' blizzard for another 20 minutes while it did its route. And to make matters worse, the place where I was standing was about a foot deep in snow and some private snow plow guy was plowing a parking lot behind me, and if you know anything about snow plow guys, they slam through their small plowing areas at about 55 mph, going forwards and backwards....without ever looking anywhere. So I was just teetering on a thin strip of land between psycho-plowguy and all the yuppie traffic heading down towards town and then the big Village plow drove by and totally obliterated me in a huge spray of snow. In fact, I had set my two bags of sodas down and I couldn't even find the frickin' things.

The driver did finally get there...20 minutes late, but what made me even angrier...was because HE was running late, instead of continuing his regular route, which would have put me out right at the corner where I work, he ended his route prematurely at the HUB downtown, which was 5 blocks from where I work. I was so pissed and I wasn't about to carry all those freakin' sodas 5 blocks in a blizzard, especially since my chostochondritis is really kicking up. And I could just see sliding on a piece of ice and getting conked on the head by 24 descending cans of soda. So I transferred to another bus to ride those 5 measly blocks, and then I still had to walk another 1.5 blocks, where I once again got obliterated by another huge wave of wintery slush when some truck drove by. Did I look happy when I walked into work?

Have you been reading this???

The party was pretty non-descript. Its rather interesting how all the work sort of panned out. We have about 10-12 people in our department. Their ages range from about 22 to 51. Guess who did the most work? Go ahead, guess!! The young, wonderfully energetic 20 somethings? Hell no. They either didn't show up until the actual party time (thus neglecting the 2 hour party prep duties.) or they were like the Lesbian Chick, who did her usual sitting around on her ass thing. Hello??

I did have fun with the guys though. Did my usual flirting and acting stupid with "J" and "B" (they were the two guys who were comparing the sizes of their Grinches for witty, a week or so ago). "B", who is still fairly new, has a really devilish sense of humor, so I have been kibbitzing with him. While he was washing some dishes he somehow managed to spray his (cough) crotchel area and it did look somewhat suspicious. And, as usual, the girl with absolutely no verbal filtering (thats me), might have possibly blurted out something wildly inappropriate about the location. I didn't mean to, it just slipped out. Eep.

bad witty.

I did make a second attempt at Christmas shopping today, since I told some people at the party Friday, that I had somehow contracted a fatal disease...the much dreaded "C.A." And they all looked at me mysteriously, like "What's C.A." and then I told them, "Christmas Apathy. The only cure? December 26th."

So I did brave the Mall today. Fortunately, I did have some idea of what I wanted. When I walked in on the lower level, I walked by the martial arts place where Married Guy used to take his kids. And just when I walked by I happened to see his older son standing there. WOW! I hadn't seen him in over a year now and he's really sprung up, height-wise. Married Guy was never very tall, but his first wife was. Guess his son takes after her. But I just hurried by the window, since I didn't particularly want to see anyone of the Married Guy ilk. This was about 1:15.

I shopped around until about 3 and just happened to swing back by the martial arts place because the thing I wanted to get my mom was the heaviest and I saved it for last since it was at Penney's right next to the martial arts place. So I walked by a second time, and yeah, I glanced at the window. It was almost involuntary and there was his older son and then there was my beloved little Kidlet. Man, I miss that little guy. I really had feelings for that kid. He was always so adorable and he was really the first kid I had ever had a relationship with. I had taught him piano for 4 years and had seen him grow from a very hyperactive little pipsqueak who used to get on my last nerve to a very delightful young man. And when I walked by, he was looking directly out into the mall. I kind of gasped. I wondered if he had seen me. I didn't look back. I just kept walking. I thought he probably didn't recognize me, because I was all decked out in full hippie/John Lennon mode with the full length wool coat, black beret, large glasses and longer hair. In one way, I'm sort of incognito, but in another way, I sort of stand out in a place like a mall. At my art class, I totally fit in with the way I dress, but then when I'm at, say J.C. Penney's and I'm walking around in a full length black wool coat, with a beret pulled over one eye, a peace and social justice button on my coat and huge round glasses, I kinda scream "HIPPIE ARTIST CHICK!!!!!!"

I did hurry towards Penney's though, but then I did a dumb thing. I turned around and kind of spied on the martial arts place from afar, because obviously the kids were waiting to be picked up by dear old Dad, my old somewhat toxic heart throb and yes, I did want to see him from the safety of the shower curtain department by Penney's back door. So I watched. I moved around a little, because I did realize that Married Guy could also come from behind me too, depending on where he parked. Yikes.

So I waited nervously and paced a little. I really had to go to the bathroom too, dammit. I did finally see him walking towards the martial arts place and even from a distance I knew it was him. He always had a very distinctive way of walking. Very confident. And he had on his usual duck cloth Dockers. He quickly disappeared into the martial arts place and then for some stupid reason, I felt even more nervous, because Kidlet came out and was meandering around. I kind of ducked behind a table of towels. I suddenly felt like Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" for some reason. Shit. And then there was a seemingly endless period of time before Married Guy and his older son finally came out to leave. I did kind of stand tippy toed so I could see how they all looked like from behind. I was trying to gauge whether Kidlet had grown any since he had always been the smallest kid in his class. And indeed, it did look like he might have finally broken the 5 foot mark at age 14. So I was standing there, looking through the decorative shower curtains, when suddenly Kidlet and then Married Guy both abruptly stopped and turned around and were seemingly looking right at me. Was I freaked? Fuck, yes! And then all three of them started walking towards Penney's. Did I run? Fuck, yes! Ok, I didn't exactly run. I just moved rather rapidly through the towels and bedspreads and then over to the men's sporting attire, where I realized, you fucking idiot, they could be coming to buy sporting attire! You better run to like the women's underwear department!! I didn't though, I just circled around and ended up in the drapery department.

Was my heart beating rapidly? Oh my god, yes!! I wasn't sure what was going on. I wasn't sure if Kidlet had, in fact, seen me and told his Dad I might be standing in the next store, or if they could actually SEE me hiding amidst all the shower curtains at Penney's, or whether this was all coincidental (PROBABLY you stupid freaking knucklehead). I did dawdle in the draperie department for quite a long time, until I thought it was safe, and then I finally did take an escalator upstairs and went out a different mall entrance. But I felt like such an idiot. Why did I wait to see Married Guy? That was so stupid. I've been so good in recent months. His birthday is this next week. I always hate when there's mini-milestones, like birthdays coming up, because those are the times when people you've been in love with, always seem to push themselves into in your conscience for some reason. You just seem to think about them more because you say, "Hey, its so-and-so's birthday next week. I wonder what they're doing for their birthday. I wonder if I should.....("Step...away...from...that...birthday card...witty").

Damn Capricorns. They are so convincing when they want something, and he always did.

So fortunately, I escaped the Mall, with nary a Married Guy paw print on my body. I really don't know how I would react if he were to suddenly just be there at a grocery store or something. He did briefly park outside my art class several times last year. And that was a little freaky. Was it as freaky as peering at him through shower curtains at Penney's? Maybe not quite. Unlike him, I didn't drive to a certain location for the sole purpose of staring at someone getting out of their car. Today, I just happened to be walking by and saw the reflection of my former life in a store window. Sure I did pause, but I only paused to see if it still mattered in any way. And unfortunately it did.


1 comments so far << | >>

Older Entries
upsy, downsy, upsy, splat! - 2010-05-22
April sours bring May flowers? - 2010-05-01
when finding a head in the recycling bin is the highlight of your month - 2010-03-28
fifty two chances to be awesome...ok maybe - 2010-02-20
its sorta like "Grease" except there's no musical numbers and I'm really old - 2010-02-05


Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty